holiday survival

UGH! So I think 4 pies at Thanksgiving was NOT a good idea. There are only 8 people in this house after all. And mama LOVES her desserts.

I got on the scale a week after Thanksgiving and saw 169.8. Granted I was fully clothed and it was the end of the day, but still. I don't weigh that. That is WAY out of my comfort range. I decided then and there that I had to go back to what I knew worked and quickly. I didn't want to track so much. I knew that I was just eating too much of the wrong foods. I wanted to retrain myself to eat the healthy foods I love.

So I decided to eat mostly WW CORE foods. Two days later I was seeing great results and I was feeling better. I know some of that weight gain was just temporary, but when I don't deal with that temporary weight gain, it becomes a permanent fixture. I am happy to say that this morning my scale said 158.8. That's back to where I am comfortable. But I've been thinking that I would like to get to the low 150's again, so I think I will try to stay OP and see if I can make it to my personal goal weight by January.

So how am I doing this in the midst of holiday treats? We had a function Saturday night and an open house to attend last night. I didn't eat much at either. On Saturday I would have eaten more, but things were really picked over. I wanted to have veggies or fruit. Maybe some olives and lean proteins. Most everything was some kind of cheesy or creamy dip. While those are good, I was barely fitting into my pants at the time, so it was a good reminder that each bite needed to really count. I had a few shrimp and some grapes and not a lot else. There was a huge dessert line, too. I looked them over but I decided that I wouldn't have any. It just didn't feel worth it. I had 3 peppermints instead. Oh, and it was a wine party so the wine was flowing. I don't drink much. So I had water. I think that helped a lot too.

Last night was another spread. I didn't get a plate. I didn't sample much. I did chat and look over the spread. I did grab some grapes from the cheese plate and some veggies from their platter but not much. Then again I did eat a Dove ice cream bar after I was home!

I think one of my greatest moments came yesterday afternoon. I was out with Aleena picking up something I needed at Michael's. I saw the boxes of Almond Roca. I thought, "we could buy one and eat it on the way home". Yes, I was thinking we could eat an entire box of Almond Roca on the way home. I even told her that. But then I thought, "Nah, I already know what they taste like." I think that was the key. I knew what I was missing and it wasn't that great.

How many times have I eaten something just because I knew it would taste really good? And I didn't have a little bite, but I ate too much. Like the cheesecake on Saturday night. Like the peanut butter fudge from last night. Sure, it would be really good, but haven't I already had some really good cheesecake and peanut butter fudge? Do I really need to taste it again? Not right now I don't.

day 2

I survived day one back on plan. I did just fine in fact. It was cold and I even had half a grilled cheese and some tomato soup for lunch. I just made really different choices than I had made the past few weeks.

I did dive into the ice cream last night. I put it in a bowl though and didn't just eat out of the carton. Nights really aren't usually a problem for me. I have an audience usually, so I stay out of the snacks then. But last night I was ALONE, and I'd stuck to my DPA all day. So I used some flex points to soothe my soul. Probably not the best choice.

I realized this morning that I start stress eating about 6:40 each morning. The little kids are up. I am trying to get the middle (elementary school) kids up and ready. The big kids (middle schoolers) are being lovely as always. I want to eat handfuls of cereal straight out of the box. And toast with lots and lots of butter. This morning I ate nothing until I was at the grocery store with my 3 year old. The middle kids missed the bus (because one was fighting with the preschooler about how to make instant oatmeal) so I took them to school then dropped Kelli and the neighbor we carpool with at preschool. Jack my 3 year old had his first meltdown of the morning there. Then he had a couple more at the grocery store.

We were 2 meltdowns into the day, and I was standing in front of the day old bakery stuff. I always go there because I can get deals on stuff we use all the time. But I am starving. It's been a bad morning already. I grab a banana nut muffin to eat while we cruise the store.

Not the best choice. But better than a doughnut anyway. I also got fat free cottage cheese that was marked down 50% because the sell by date is tomorrow. That was my snack at home. :o)

So I am learning that I stress eat EARLY in the day. That sets me up for a bad day all around. I think I may boil some eggs that I can grab in the morning when the going gets tough. Protein is a good mood stabilizer, don't you think?

any body seen my wagon?

I feel like I am sooooo far off plan these days. I haven't really been following a plan per se for quite a while, but I was eating well none the less. I would gain a pound or two and take it back off. Staying in a range I felt comfortable with. Then Halloween came.

I did really well not dipping into the candy before hand. And we decided to let the kids indulge as much as they wanted for the weekend. We've never done that before. We've given a few pieces here and there and kept the candy around forever. This time we told them to eat all they wanted on Halloween night and Saturday and we'd throw it all away on Sunday. The kids were ready for "real food" on Saturday night. They'd had their fill.

I followed suit. I had NO candy until they started in on theirs. Then I ate too many. And Saturday morning I had candy for breakfast and snack and lunch and ICK! I had my fill too and am really ready to be done with that, but I have been making poor snack choices since then. Bread and butter instead of fruit and veggies. Mindlessly eating out of the cereal box. It doesn't matter that it's corn flakes. Half a box is half a box!

So today I am finding my way back to my WW ways. I don't want to track. I don't want to follow all the rules, but I know I need to for a while. I'll feel better and I'll be in a good place going into the holidays instead of feeling out of control.

I'll be back to let you know how I'm doing.

Halloween Candy

It's been unbagged and is waiting in the big bowl for trick or treaters. I even got things I like this year. But just now I wanted a snack. I stopped in front of the big bowl. And chose a banana instead. Yay for me.

Not like there won't be buckets of candy around for days and days! lol

checking in

It's been almost a month since I was here, huh? Wow! How have I been? Well, not really OP, but not really off either.

I read an article in Clean Eating magazine about intuitive eating that really resonated with me. The author talked about eating local food, prepared at home and not eating much processed food. The author found that she naturally lost weight this way and never felt deprived.

That makes so much sense to me because I have 4 fairly thin children, 1 average child and 1 heavy child. They all eat as the author of the article described. Yes, the four oldest eat lunch at school so I have no control over that, but I do know that Emma will choose salads over other foods. They all will take the veggie cup and dip them in ranch just to fill up on more whole foods. So if it's working for my kids, why not me too?

I'm not in this to lose a bunch of weight anymore. I have battled most of my eating demons. Even the ones I haven't conquered, I can at least identify from a far distance now. So why can't I just trust myself to eat intuitively? So I have begun to trust myself again. I am counting points or keeping track of CORE foods. I am just eating the food in my kitchen. Honestly, it is mostly fruits and vegetables and lean meats and whole grains. But we did actually order out pizza the other night, and I had 4 pieces. I have made dessert twice in the past couple of weeks to go with dinner. (Honestly, the good part of having a big family is that I made a pie last night, and we all had A slice and now it's gone!)

And what does the scale say about all of this? When I decided to jump back on the WW wagon last month I was shocked to see 163.6 on the scale. I had spent most of the summer around 159-161. This morning? Back to 159.2. Although it's not a huge loss for the month, I have lost the couple of pounds I gained at the end of the summer. And I would like to lose a few more. But we'll see. Right now, I am happy where I am. And honestly as I read some blogs about fastidious exercise regimes and strict eating plans, I think I really am not motivated to lose anymore. Some of you may think that I am copping out. Yeah, maybe so. But I know there are some of you out there who know that just getting through the days and weeks and dealing with all that life entails without gaining any weight either is an accomplishment.

hiatus

I'm not sure what happened yesterday, but I was back to my old ways. TOM is on it's way so maybe that's my excuse?

Anyway I am back on track today.

Too tired to really blog any more. How sad is that?

still working it

Last night started to get away from a little. I just needed CARBS after I had dinner last night. So I had a piece of the banana bread I had made earlier in the day. It did the trick. Then I filled up on watermelon later so I went to bed feeling quite satisfied. I have been using those WPA's a lot in the past couple of days. Not always intentionally either. I didn't realize that my deli ham was not a CORE food until I had 2 slices of it. Then I went to a meeting for a school committee in the afternoon and there were cookies that everyone was raving about. I had half of one. It was OK. And I had to sample that banana bread earlier in the day since it was a new recipe.

But all in all, it was a good CORE day. I am not obsessing over food like I had been in the past. I am feeling much more in control of eating and all that. And the scale has gone down a little (well, 2 pounds is more than a little, huh?). This is when I would normally feel like it's OK and I can go back to just eating whatever. But I am committing to tracking this whole week. I would really like to get well below my WW goal again so I have a cushion to go to weigh in. I really do miss going to meetings, but I don't want to pay for them, so I don't want to go when I am over my weight limit. How ridiculous is that? I guess that's part of my vicious cycle, too. And a fatal flaw of the WW company.

Anyway. Here's to another day of tracking and being in control. And not eating mindlessly.

day 2

yesterday was a good day. I did have some cravings for chocolate, but I just waited for it to pass. Funny how that is, isn't it? I have impulsively indulged a craving and then felt guilty. Now I am realizing that often times those cravings will pass. The snickers only looks amazing while I am looking at it. If I don't buy one and go home and put the groceries away, I totally forget all about it. The other day at the store I almost bought a ton of ice cream "for the kids". But I didn't because I knew it would tempt me. Later I really wanted that ice cream, but it wasn't here so I had to do without. And I lived til morning if you can believe it!

Sorry about that tangent! :o)

I decided to go with CORE. I like that I can't justify a few bad choices that lead to a binge. For me, it's baking. I have baked a LOT this summer. It's been so easy to eat more than I should because it's healthier foods...fresh flour, veggies in the bread or muffins, natural sweeteners. But half a loaf of zucchini bread is NEVER OK. And I realized that I was eating my baked stuff instead of fruits and veggies for snacks. Like yesterday when I had to remind myself to eat lunch. It would have been easy to eat a piece or two of zucchini bread, but instead I had a salad with cucumbers and peppers and tomatoes and a little turkey and some FF salad dressing. I really liked that salad. And it didn't lead to overeating later.

More rambling. Suffice it to say that I am back on day 2 of eating CORE and tracking it all.

How is your day?

back on track one more time

Summer is just about over and I have gained about 5 pounds. Maybe 4. My weight is fluctuating between 160 and 161.?. I want to get back down to my WW lifetime range of 153-157 so here I go again back to losing mode. I am starting tracking today and I'm really not sure what plan I want to be on, CORE or FLEX. I want my carbs, but I also want to be able to eat when I am hungry even if I have eaten all my daily points. So for now, I am trying to make good choices and track. My goal for the week is just to TRACK!!!

I've had a piece of toast and an egg so far this morning. It was going to be 2 eggs, but Kelli begged one of them off from me. I'll keep you posted on how it goes.

I'm tracking today, remember?

icky numbers

Before I complain about what the scale said yesterday morning, let me clarify that I know I have earned it. And let me also remember that there were many YEARS I would have LOVED to have seen this number. And I know I have some blog friends who would also be thrilled to see this number.

163.8

Not a number I am comfortable with at all anymore. Yesterday I did much better with keeping stuff out of my mouth. I am just not tracking....eating whatever I want...and wondering why I feel lousy half the time!

So here I am again, back to trying to do better. I did have that magic loss of over a pound today which makes me think that part of my scale trouble was water weight or whatever. But I know that I feel like a fat girl when I eat like a fat girl. I hate that.

not sure

what plan I am on right now, but it's working. I am really trying to just eat less. Quit the mindless munching. I think WW calls it "think first".

Anyway, it's working. I am back down to a comfortable place again. I thought about calling it done. After all I feel more like me, right? Instead I am going to stick with this plan and really try to lose for the next few weeks. Maybe I can see my personal goal of 152 again.

On another note, I used to run into a wanna be loser in blogland quite a bit last winter. She then decided to write her own blog and really commit to Weight Watchers. I'm not sure what happened, but she quickly disappeared. Today she has posted again here asking for encouragement and help. Go visit her and share your journey with her, will ya please?

I think we all have a unique bond. We know what it's like to hate our bodies, to feel trapped by our flab. But some of us...like me, have come so much closer to having bodies that make us feel good. Even though I am up and down lately, I am still really proud of what I have accomplished. I have been THIN for the last year. I get hit on by the sushi boys at my local grocery store every time I am there. LOVE THAT!

anyway...go visit a friend and tell her she's not alone

wish I could say

that I had a great 24 point day with loads of water and fruits and veggies, but I can't.

I can say that I had a day of fruits and veggies. OK with water consumption. But after work I was home and STARVING. I had planned to have some pretzel rods then and save the bulk of my points for chicken and noodles at dinner. But I didn't want pretzels, I needed protein.

I decided that I would be a CORE girl. Maybe my weekends are flex days, but I really liked what I could do on CORE. I had some fat free cottage cheese. Then I had some leftover chicken breast. I felt much better. Satisfied.

Dinner rolled around and I wasn't really hungry. I had some leftover green beans with tomatoes and a few bites of the chicken and noodles (which was CORE btw) and was done. My problem for the day lies with Aleena. She's 12 and loves to bake and experiment in the kitchen like her mama. While I was at Clay's drum lesson she baked brownies in 2 nine inch cake pans. Then she made a peanut butter/cream cheese filling to layer in between those brownies.

I never had one, but I did grab some little nibbles from Jack's plate. They were good, too. I was up till after 10 and hungry again. But I went to bed with a little gnawing inside, and I lived through the night just fine.

Now I'm off to make some eggs.

so I'm back

I'm not sure if it's because of all the baking I've been doing or just not tracking and really eating more than I think or what, but I am up a few MORE pounds. Right around 160 now. Yesterday I got dressed and just didn't like the way I looked in my clothes. I know that I have posted that I still struggle with feeling like my inner fat girl, but this was different. I really felt like I could see all 5 pounds. So I took out my tracker and started back in.

It's funny how I would normally think, my WW week starts on Sarurdays. I have to back track...or just wait till next Saturday. Instead I decided to just start right now where I am.

And how did it go? Not well, my friends. At church in the morning, our neighbors invited us to come over for BBQ later. They served brats and hot dogs, a veggie salad and potato salad. I did OK, but then was dessert.

Another neighbor brought up a triple berry cheesecake. And I brought a cherry cobbler...and ice cream.

Without dessert, my day would have just been a little over. With dessert, even small portions...way over.

I felt gross last night too. Drank a bunch of water and called it a day.

I have a plan for today. I have written in my tracker what I plan to eat and I need to stick to it. I'll keep you posted!

need some feedback

feeling pretty iffy about the weight thing lately. just when I said I didn't need to do a weight loss blog anymore, huh? I realized that in so many ways I still see myself as a total fatty.

so I posted some pics on my mama blog here. tell me what you think!

movin' on

I originally started this blog after I was spending all my time on my mama blog talking about meetings and points and what not. I decided then that since Weight Watchers was such a HUGE part of my life that I would have a blog specifically for that.

Now that WW is not my top priority and my time is even more limited, I am cutting back. I am thinking about abandoning this blog. I am still on a quest for my inner skinny girl. I still feel like a fat girl. I still would love to eat a pint of ice cream every night. But I am tired of talking about it and blogging about it and hoping you all still give a rip about my flabby belly.

So I am keeping up my mama blog. And I am starting to keep a blog for our family food and recipes. But I am no longer going to post my weekly weigh in or whether or not I went to a meeting. My size 10 shorts fit just fine today. That's all the really matters to me anyway.

So come visit me at one or the other of my new blogs...and update your google reader!

I've been cheating on you

I admit it. It's not that life has been THAT busy, it's just that I am so addicted to my silly facebook that I use all my computer time there! It has been great to reconnect with friends from high school, college and different seasons of life. But it is very much just a little small talk amongst life in so many ways. There are few really close friends that I know I will get to share more of my life with, but there are many that I just used to know and never really were close to. They will most likely stay in that realm I am sure.

I had a hard time posting a pic of myself there. I wanted it to be just the right one, you know? I finally put a profile pic up and it's odd to hear the comments. "You look the same as college" "You are thinner now than you were 6 years ago when I saw you last"

They don't know the journey I have been on. The roller coaster of trying to learn to live as a thin girl. I was always the rounder girl of my friends. The big size 11 in the midst of the 5's and 7's. And now that I am a 10? It's been hard to get here, not just that I had some babies and got back to where I was before just more womanly or whatever.

In that respect I have missed you all so much. I get tired of talking about what I weigh, if I am losing or maintaining, what I am eating. But I really love having a place to come and be who I am. I am a fat girl trying to figure out how to live in this smaller body. I am still trying to see myself as I am and not as heavy as I used to be. I saw my reflection from a distance one day at Disneyland and thought "I wish I looked like her. She's leaner through the hips than I am and her thighs aren't so heavy." then I realized it was me I was wanting to look like.

I think I need therapy sometimes I tell ya!

So that's all for now. I will be back more often, I promise. I need this space to fully be the person I am trying to become. But right now I gotta go see if someone has written on my wall!

I haven't fallen off the face of the earth

and I haven't fallen off the wagon either!

We got to go on vacation to see hubby's family in CA. And go to Disneyland and the beach, too. So between getting ready for vacation with packing and all that and then just RELAXING, I have totally neglected you all. I did try to check in a couple of times while I was out, but I still have a ton in my google reader to sort through.

I made it through vacation only gaining a couple of pounds. So that puts me just back around 158-159. So I get to lose those few pounds over again. At least it's just a couple of pounds, right? and it was great to go to the beach and the pool and not feel totally self conscious.

Off to work tomorrow and back to reality. And back to my WW plan!

were your ears burning?

This morning when I got up to make hubby's lunch and coffee, I switched on the radio to my my favorite morning show. They were discussing blogs and blogging and bloggers. More really about tell all blogs and when close friends are invited to read them. They asked for listeners to call in and tell about their blogging experiences.

So were your ears burning?! I called in to say what a great thing a blog can be in the life of someone losing weight. We can share our daily menus, how we dealt with a hard food situation, the shamefilled binge we had last night, and ask for advice or encouragement when we really need it. So even though you aren't my IRL friends, know that you are all apart of the success I have had in going from a size 18 chubby mama to a size 10 much happier mama!

I had a little epiphany yesterday, too. I was in a gas station getting a diet Coke (eat your heart out Becky! I saw a younger girl in there (she was in her early 20's I guess) that had on a little skirt and t-shirt. I could see that her skirt was tight and she had a total muffin top through her shirt. Kind of that roll-y look. I had on 2 layered tanks and little khaki capris (size M) and DIDN'T have a muffin top at all. Yes, I know I should be working out more and haven't been as diligent with food as I should be. But I realized that I was thinner than this younger girl. I don't usually find myself thinner than anyone other than the very obviously overweight and I felt good to realize that I am in the middle now. I'm not skinny. But I don't think someone would look at me and say I was overweight anymore. At least I hope not.

back in the club

It's really kind of silly, but I was SOOOOO relieved this morning to have a weigh in that was in my "weight watcher's lifetime goal range". I mean I have maintained within the same 5 pounds or so for most of the past 8 months, but being officially thin enough with WW really did make me feel good today.

I guess it's because after all that work and time and money paid to them, I could sit there and enjoy it all without paying them any more! So today, my official WW weigh in was 155.6, 3 pounds less than the last time I was there. YEAH!

Still not tracking but just doing what I know I should. And I weigh myself every morning. And I guess like my thin friends I know that if I have a lot one day, I should take it easy the next day. Astounding that one, isn't it? Not to just feed like there's not another meal in sight for days?!

My dad brought us my favorite amazing chip dip when he was here last week. I love the stuff. As a toddler I would eat it with a spoon. I can go crazy with the stuff. Three years ago he brought us a big supply. I was preggers with Jack E at the time and used that as an excuse to eat all I wanted. I gained 9 pounds that month. oops!

I have been having a little most days this week, but decided on Wednesday to save the rest for the weekend. So later today, I am having chips and dip! whoo-hoo!

I went for a morning walk yesterday. It was nice to get out and listen to music and be alone for a while. I need to do that more especially since...

I bought a new swimsuit on Thursday before I took the kids to the pool. I just ran into Target and tried on a few. The one I got was on the clearance rack for $13.74 which is why I ultimately got it I guess. It looks OK on me. I realized that I need more support on top than most of the little tankini's at Target are going to give me, but since we don't really have money for mama to get an awesome swimsuit, I'll deal with this one. It's got gathers in the tummy and it's white with big red roses and green leaves all over it. I guess it is pretty flattering in some ways. It's just that gravity and time and 6 pregnancies have taken their toll on this body, so how amazing will I look without some surgical intervention? Or actually working out a little? LOL

So I'm trying to get back into my walking thing. At least then my legs aren't as jiggly and my rear end has a little lift to it!

Then again, who is really checking out the 38 year old woman who walks into the pool with 6 kids in tow and lunches and drinks and snacks and floaties and enough beach towels for everyone to dry off and keep the car dry on the way home? Yeah, I'm a catch! LOL

hanging in and keeping on

We have survived our week of ICK! I just found out last night that the little dog was adopted out by this organization. In fact her picture is the last one listed on the Happy Endings page. I was surprised how hard it was for me to let that dog go. And I was also surprised by how excited I was to know that she had found a new happy home.

Then last week was the last week of school. Preschool program one night, elementary band concert one night, oldest daughter home from middle school sick one day (but recovered in time for her last day of school at the local amusement park!), and oldest son had his Fifth Grade continuation ceremony. My dad and step-mom drove into town for that and stayed for the holiday weekend. And my little sister and her boyfriend came into town Saturday to stay the weekend too. It was good to just hang out with family and relax.

We are now in summer mode whatever that means. I'm trying to keep on top of the kids to help out more with daily chores since they are here and sitting around so much. And I'm trying to keep track of all the kids' whereabouts too. Who is riding bikes and who is with a friend and who is going somewhere later. All that. And Aleena has started babysitting. She has a 2 day/week thing going right now as a mother's helper/nanny. And she is also babysitting for my friend's kids next Tuesday night. Very exciting for her. A little nerve wracking for me. And another schedule to keep track of.

On the WW front, I am doing fine. I'm not tracking at all. I'm not counting points at all. I'm not following CORE like I was either. I realized that after the first couple of weeks I would grab a CORE food for a snack whether or not I was really hungry. So I was getting back to recreational eating. I have just been trying to do what I know I should.

And I am seeing a little bit of a loss anyway. I have gone from 157.4-160.4 for my daily weigh in range to 156.0-158.4 for my daily range. So that's feeling good. And like this really is my "lifestyle change" I have been looking for. Life has been crazy and I am going to officially weigh in on Saturday. And I won't have to pay them this time!!!

I need to get to my laundry this morning. And I have to find swim stuff for everybody since I've promised the kids a trip to our friends' neighborhood pool. I HAVE to get a new swimsuit this summer. Last summer I just dealt with wearing the old one. And it's a size 18...from the summer I was barely preggers with kid number 3. I started that pregnancy at nearly 200 pounds. That suit is quite roomy on me now THANK GOD!!! But the idea of buying a new suit is slightly terrifying! Any advice?

this week is OVER!!!

and I am so glad. Becky just left a comment for me that she was worried and ready to call the police. I have had enough of the police for the week, thankyouverymuch!

Here's a recap of my week:
Monday-our Sheltie (the one that wakes me at 6 to go outside to bark at the bigger dog) nipped at Kelli. I know dogs nip and do things to protect themselves, but this was really aggressive. D put her out then and said she would NOT come back into our house.

Tuesday-I called around to find out the best thing to do with the dog. I decided to take her to the Denver Dumb Friend's League so she can hopefully be adopted by a childless home. It was an emotional day for me. Jack wet his underwear repeatedly...and even managed to get pee on 2 pairs of his shoes. Emma had been home sick and I was supposed to take her and the 2 littles into the dentist at 2 that afternoon. As we were walking out the front door, Jack E peed again. So by the time I get him changed and in the car, we were going to be late. The dentist has a policy that if you are 10 minutes late, they won't see you. It totally sucks when you are 13 minutes late for your appointment. It's really nice that I never have to wait there though. They did put in Emma's space maintainer so it wasn't a total loss. After we got home, I started getting myself together to take the dog in. I was planning on leaving the littles with Aleena while I was gone since I would have to paperwork, etc. When Aleena got home, she freaked out and told Clay and Emma that she was running away. She ran very predictably to her friend's house a few blocks away. After I left a message on friend's cell, the friend called back to say that Aleena was with her and safe. She came home after dinner. I left the kids with Trey (not the most vigilant child) while I dropped the dog off.

Wednesday-I thought Tuesday was a bad day. HAH!!!

I woke up just feeling lousy about the night before. As I was getting our stuff ready for work that morning, I realized I didn't really have stuff for us to take for lunch. I decided I would get us ready quickly and run into the grocery store. I made the REALLY REALLY stupid choice that it would be quicker if I left Jack E and Kelli in the car. I would just be a few minutes after all. I was having one of those moments when I am tired and have a headache and can't focus and take too long to make any decision whatsoever. When I finally walked back into the parking lot (at the most 20 minutes later), there was a police car behind my truck and a police officer looking around the car and in the windows. He was just acting curious not alarmed so I knew then that I was busted for leaving my kids unattended and that they were fine. When I opened the car door later, they were both sitting in their carseats just hanging out. The kind and concerned citizen parked next to me was giving her statement to another police officer while I talked to my police officer. When all was said and done, I was not charged with anything though it could have been a criminal offense. The police officer told me to expect contact from CPS regarding what else would happen.

We came home and started cleaning and picking up and fixing things that we had been putting off. You know, instead of our house looking like 6 kids and 2 working parents lived there, we made it look like we have a housekeeper and SAHM who is meticulously organized. My friend came over and helped me get the bathrooms all cleaned and sanitized. We had to tell the school age kids that they had to keep their rooms looking like this since CPS would be by to make sure our home was suitable. Some of them were freaked out, some of them thought that whole idea was laughable...that our home and family would be less than wonderful. Aleena reminded me that I needed to make dinner. Oh yeah. Thank goodness for spaghetti! I fell into bed at 7:30 with an awful headache and a feverish 2 year old.

I woke up at 9:30 when the phone rang and my dad left a message saying my grandfather had passed away.

Thursday-D stayed home from work. (He had called to check in with me while I was talking to the police on Wednesday and had been by my side ever since.) We kept tidying things and trying to prepare ourselves for a talk with CPS. We had talked to some friends who work with social services and they were pretty reassuring that it would all be OK. I finally called CPS and learned I wasn't even in their system yet.

I talked to my grandmother in the morning. This was her second husband. My first grandpa died when I was like 8 I think. Grandma had been married to Dale for over 29 years. He was 94 and had lived a full life. Grandma is sad, but we all knew it was time. I feel really bad that I didn't finish her Mother's Day gift in time for Grandpa to see it. The service is tomorrow and we aren't able to go, but I am thinking of them. Especially my little sister. This is the only grandfather she has ever known. Her other grandpa died before she was born.

Now it's Friday. The only drama of the day is that Aleena and her posse of friends decided to make this pajama day at school. She'd been warned before that it wasn't dress code. This time she was sent to the office. I do feel bad that it took me 90 minutes to make it 2 blocks away to the middle school with jeans. But I had to get elementary kids on the bus, shower and dress 2 sick littles to go out. And you KNOW I took them into the school office with me!!! I called CPS a little while ago and this time talked the woman who was there when the police called my situation in. She had trouble finding me in the system, but when she did, she told me that the police have handled it and CPS will not be contacting us. THANK GOD!!!

Mother's Day was good. It was a crazy busy weekend. I had a tummy bug on Sunday so I got to sit on the couch and crochet. I did get a new fridge too. That came on Saturday...and created a mini kitchen remodel (taking down cupboards and moving them) in the process. We have been busy with all the stuff that comes with the end of the school year too. Concerts and programs. Today is field day for my 3 and 5 graders. I am earning my bad mother of the year award because I am not coming to run the Ramble with my 5th grader. Maybe someday he'll understand it's not personal?

My funk has lifted. I have just been busy. I had decided last week that I would really try to get back on track with WW this week. That was shot to he!! this week. But in the stress there has been no eating, mindless eating, OK eating. I still weigh the same. My jeans still fit. So we'll see how I feel about it all next week.

Thanks for your concern and comments. But PLEASE don't call the police. I've had enough of that this week.

just a quick post

Just wanted to stop by and let you all know that I am still here and still on my journey.

I have been in the worst funk for more than a week. I have struggled with clinical depression and postpartum depression for a really long time. A lot of it is hormone related too. The past 10 days or so have been really bad for me. I told D on Saturday that I just would like to go to bed for a while. Maybe a few days I don't know.

But the thing about life and kids is that I just can't do that. Life keeps going and I have to try to keep up. Saturday was Emma's birthday and I really just wanted her to have a good day. She did. I tried to keep my gunk to myself as much as possible. For the most part, I think I do OK at maintaining.

Then again, my kids might notice that no laundry gets done for days at a time (or all week), I don't do my daily vacuuming and dinner consists of things like eggs, quesadillas and pasta for an entire week with no real effort put into meals.

Not sure where I am going with all of this. I did notice a huge thing the other day though. For years of my life, I have turned to private food binges to try to make myself feel better in times like this one. I had really managed to NOT do that all week last week. I did take the time to feed myself well and didn't eat pints of ice cream or secret cheeseburgers. In fact, I even got McD's for the 2 littles last week for lunch one day and made a salad for me at home instead.

But Saturday I started eating things I shouldn't (like birthday donuts!) and have really struggled all weekend. I want to get back on top of that part of it. There was a sense of pride in knowing that I had really changed the emotional eating aspect of it all. And even though I have struggled all weekend, it's not like it could have been.

Now to just get back OP...and wait for this funk to pass.

heeeellllllooooo???!!!

Anybody still checking in here?!

I can't believe I didn't post anything at all here for over a week! Sorry about that! I wasn't really crazily off plan or anything either. It was just life that was keeping me busy. And I didn't feel like I had much to really say. Or I said it all in the comments I left for some of my favorite bloggers.

I have been sticking with CORE and really enjoying it. I keep checking in with my materials to make sure that it's really a CORE food (like the scrambled eggs I just had with FF salsa and FF sour cream. How can that be so yummy and so on plan?), but it's going OK. I am not seeing any downward movement of the scale though.

I think the biggest reason is that I do great with CORE for a few days and then have a little binge. I'm just not recovering from those like I should. Or tracking them like I should maybe? I'm not tracking really at all, just eating mostly CORE foods when I am hungry. Which is fine to maintain since that is what I am doing. But I would like to lose 5 pounds to get me comfortably in the low 150's again. So I really do need to step it up.

I have been struggling with water again lately too. I'm just barely getting in my 6 glasses. I need more water I know. My friend Kathy encouraged all of her readers to have a Perfect On Play day yesterday. I tried. But I knew it would be a stretch so I tried to just do really well yesterday and decided today would be my perfect day.

Let me explain a little. We had a big ol' brew party here on Sunday. So I spent the day Saturday getting my house picked up and cleaned. D (my hubby) was getting stuff ready and cleaning out the garage (where he brewed this time-and my stove top thanks him for that!) all day too. I had the kids doing stuff with us all day too. Saturday we were supposed to go to a b-day party for the neighbor down the street. It didn't even start til 8 so you know it was definitely a grown up time. Complete with a keg, margarita machine and some nudie male entertainment!

We decided to just finish what we were doing and go when we got done. Since it would be late anyway, the kids would be able to watch a movie and then just go to bed. I was so tired at the end of the day. I asked Aleena (my oldest dd) what she was making for dinner. She told me I was getting pizza. So I ordered from Papa Murphy's. They have take and bake and it's a lot cheaper for my family. I was soooo hungry by that time. So my one piece turned into 2 1/2. I really contemplated picking up a salad while I was picking up the pizza, but I didn't. I should have. We were out of lettuce and I know that would have filled me up. At the party I only had 1 diet coke. No alcohol, no food, no chocolate fondue, no cake. I already felt icky after the pizza.

Sunday I just ate my face off I swear! We had "beer food" like chips and dip and buffalo wings and chips and salsa and meatballs and later fried chicken and brats and nuts and...You get the idea. I just ate a lot and didn't really care about the day. And I drank nothing but diet coke all day. I guess that's good since I didn't drink any beer or other alcohol then either. But I woke up yesterday feeling gross! It had been really windy on Sunday and I was outside all day. My allergies were going crazy. I was retaining water. My face was so bloated and gross looking.

So I didn't aim for perfection yesterday because I knew I wouldn't make it and would be frustrated with myself. I was sooooo very tired. My kids were really tired and crabby. I knew they would be wearing me out too. But other than grabbing a few crumbs of chips and having some saltines in the afternoon (simply because they were there), I did really well staying OP with the food. I only had 4 glasses of water though.

So today is my day to strive for perfection. And I need to stay away from all non-CORE foods for the rest of the week. My menu so far.

Breakfast: shredded wheat and ff milk, banana
scrambled eggs, ff sour cream and salsa

I'll come back later and let you know how the rest of the day shapes up!

I took Jack E for a walk to the park. As soon as we pulled up, he started to cry. "No like this park. Want to go home." I needed the rest but we just headed home. So I got in a 30 minute walk pushing a stroller up and down the hills to the park.

Lunch: (starving after a walk and a run to the grocery store) green olives stuffed with jalapenos
deli turkey
salad with tomato, cucumber, avocado and ff salad dressing

I've had 1 glass of water but I also have had about 16 oz of decaf iced tea so that still counts, right?

So now it's a little after 3 and the kids are going to start making their way in. I finished off my big jug of iced tea (32 oz in all) and have had 24 more oz of water.

Snack: 2 clementines
smoothie/shake made with frozen sweet cherries, FF plain yogurt, FF milk, vanilla extract and a Splenda pack. YUMM!

Grabbed a few more of those olives this afternoon. Then ate the last chip crumbs that were in the bowl from Sunday. It sounded like a good idea. I'm thinking those are the 2 AP's from my walk today.

Dinner:
broiled asian marinated chicken breast
quinoa pilaf with peas/carrots, onion, garlic, ginger and a little tamari
couple bites of green beans (they were icky so none of us are eating them!)

I'm not sure if I'll have a snack tonight or not. I'm not really a big nighttime snacker unless I am having a private binge. Maybe some strawberries and FF yogurt?

ummmm...meeting?

I was supposed to go with my neighbor. I was supposed to go over at 7:20 and she would drive. I was supposed to get up around 7 and get ready.

What happened? I staggered to the bathroom early in the morning and must have turned off my alarm then. I thought I heard children awake and thought "hmmm I wonder what time it is". I dozed. I heard a knock at the front door. Then I heard Trey say, "I'm not sure I'll go ask her." Then the door closed. I dozed.

Yeah, that was my neighbor coming to ask if I was heading out to WW with her. Trey offered to go ask me and she said no let her sleep. I actually stayed in bed until about 8:50 when Kelli came running upstairs SCREAMING that Clay was going to flush her dinky (her beloved and ratty blanket I made her as a baby). Actually she was so hysterical it took me a minute to figure out what she was screaming about.

So anyway. I didn't go to my meeting but instead had one of the rare days where I stay in bed past 7. I only feel a little guilty. The scale has stayed about the same. So with weekly WI's I don't think I really lost any this week. For the week I've had, I am just fine with that. I did start another OP week yesterday and am getting ready to have an OP breakfast. I did some family meal planning yesterday too to make sure I had good CORE choices planned for the week.

So here's to another week OP and hopefully a little loss this week!

staying OP

So I really meant to post yesterday, but then I'm not sure what happened. I have managed to stay pretty well OP this week. The scale has been holding steady at 157 and it's been TOM this week so I am pretty pleased with myself. I feel like I have been incredibly lazy this week. I guess I take a few days off every month so this has been the week for that. :o) And I have a NASTY case of impetigo on my nose. I finally got a prescription for doxycyclene yesterday. I can already tell it's better.

So I have no big news to report here. I'm not rockin' CORE as much this week, but all things considered, I'm doing OK. I really cannot believe the difference in how I feel about food and eating and binges and being on or off plan with CORE. I know I have had WAY more than my 35 WPA's this week. But I also know that I am pulling myself in a lot more quickly now than I did a few weeks ago.

A couple of nights ago I really wanted chocolate ice cream or something. I probably have some ice cream in the freezer right now. Instead I sat (while I was knitting) and thought about how I could mix up one of those chocolate WW smoothies with some FF yogurt and if it would be ice cream-ish enough to satisfy the craving. I ended up never making it or having any ice cream either. I was too busy knitting. But I think the fact that I knew it was totally OK if I wanted it made it less appealing. Some of you may have NO idea what I am talking about. But I know others of you are just as wacky with eating issues as I am. If it had been a FLEX day and I was over my DPA (like usual) then I would have obsessed over the ice cream and had it probably just because I shouldn't have. But since it was totally OK, it didn't seem like such a great idea.

Then again, since I don't eat many simple carbs these days, my cravings are a lot different too. I don't have so many cravings really. And I even just enjoy the food without adding artificial sweeteners too. Like my shredded mini wheats for breakfast. They are NOT the same without that yummy little frosting on top, but it really is kind of good once I got used to it. And the other day I had my plain FF yogurt with a sliced banana and sliced strawberries. I thought I might put a packet of splenda on, but then decided it was OK as is.

OK, I'm starting to ramble now. Just wanted to check in and say I'm doing OK this week. I'm not sure if I will go to my meeting in the morning or not. It kind of depends on how my impetigo looks. It looks pretty icky right now. Very red and sore and scabby looking. But smaller than yesterday. :o) But if my neighbor wants to go again in the morning, I may just go with her to help her stay motivated. I'll let you know! I know you can't wait to hear what I do! LOL

slow cooker chicken taco soup

Here's the recipe.

slow cooker chicken taco soup

1 onion chopped
1 16 oz can chili beans
1 15 oz can black beans
1 15 oz can corn
1 8 oz can tomato sauce
1 12 oz beer
2 10 oz cans diced tomatoes with chiles

Combine the above in a slow cooker. Stir in 1 package taco seasoning mix. Place 3 diced chicken breasts on top. Cook on low for 5 hours. Makes 8 servings.

OK, so I just realized that there's a beer in there. I'm sure you could sub chicken broth or even water or just leave it out for a thicker soup. And the taco seasoning mix, I buy them when they are on sale for 29¢ so I usually have some on hand. We serve it with the standard cheese and sour cream and crushed chips. To keep it CORE, I used FF sour cream and just no cheese. I did use about 1 point worth of chips on mine. It is so good with the chips.

I think it came out to 5 points/serving when I did all the nutritional info stuff. I don't have etools anymore so I couldn't run it through the recipe builder. I also add and extra can or 2 of beans for my family to stretch it out. And I just use whatever beans I have on hand that day.

Let me know if you like it!

just a quick post

Just a quick post this morning to tell you all it was a great weekend. Saturday got a little away from me and I wound up using more of my flex points than I wanted to. Aleena made nachos in the afternoon while she was doing her homework. I helped her with both. :o)

Then I made homemade pizza for dinner that night. I just had one slice since I was feeling a little icky from the chips and cheese. And I had a salad with it. The great thing about CORE is that even if I eat too much in the afternoon like I did, I can still be sensible about the rest of the day and feel OP instead of ending the day with such a huge deficit on my points tracker. I think it really helps me to feel more in control.

Then yesterday was a crazy busy one. I was up before 7 and had a soup in the crock pot for after church. I will totally post that recipe later. It's really just dump a bunch of stuff in the crock pot, but it was all CORE and really satisfying and the whole family loved it. Then I went to the grocery store. I hadn't been in over a week so I totally needed to stock up, but our store has been undergoing a renovation so everything is in a new spot. I wanted to be alone while I tried to navigate my way. That meant 7 am on Sunday morning. Ran home, unloaded groceries, made sure everyone was getting ready for church, got myself ready and we were out the door by 9:30.

We ran home after church and had our soup. I was starving so I had 2 bowls. Then Aleena and I were off to a Jafra party. It was a fun mother daughter thing. We even booked our own party (a mother daughter skin care party) for May 3.

We were finally home just before 5. I helped D do some stuff with his beer. Then I finally was done for the day. It was so nice to plop on the couch at 7:30 last night. I totally wanted some of the leftover pizza that the family was eating though. My salad had been yummy and satisfying (with hard cooked egg and half an avocado with the other veggies!) but I just wanted pizza. I opted for a boca burger with ketchup and mustard instead. Not quite the same, but I made myself be done.

I really wanted to not use any flex points yesterday and I almost made it! I did use 1 for some crushed chips on my soup at lunch, but other that that I ROCK! Because I was running all day, I drank too much diet coke and not enough water. But it felt really good to know that was my only real downfall for the day.

And can I just tell you that my jeans feel so much better when I am not totally squeezing into them!!!

Have a great day!

finally made it

I finally made it back to my meeting this week. I was really tempted to stay in bed this morning. But Kelli and her harmonica had other plans. *sigh* A quick peek on the scale told me I wouldn't get on the WW scale today and risk having to pay them. I do finally feel like I will be back in my free zone this week so I'll plan to be official and weigh in next week.

Our meeting was about emotional eating today, especially the emotion of STRESS eating. I know that is a huge area of struggle for me. I have learned to really stop and ask myself if it will make me feel better to eat that treat or not. The answer is always no, but sometimes I decide to gobble it up anyway. I do often grab a diet Coke in those moments too. That's one of the ways I know it's such an addiction for me. I take a guzzle and feel more in control and better able to deal with whatever is bugging me. Yep, that would be a sure sign of addiction right there, huh? Good thing there's nothing else in that diet Coke, huh?

On the CORE front, I am still doing awesome. Yesterday afternoon I did have that "I just want to eat something" feeling. I had a little piece of cranberry bread (which is getting pretty dry by now) and it made me want MORE so I stopped and decided I needed to get away from the kitchen. I made the kids spaghetti last night for dinner but since I had had a baked potato topped with chili for lunch, I knew I needed something else for me. I made a frittata with onions and peppers and zucchini and grape tomatoes and fat free feta. So yummy. Sometimes I feel like I am doing a low carb thing again, but then realize that I can still have those "forbidden" foods just in moderation. And some of those forbidden foods aren't forbidden at all. Like hot cereal. yum!

So my plan is to track what I eat and really aim to stay within my 35 WPA this week. Once I get down to 152 again, I will officially go back into maintain mode and up my WPA to 63. That is A LOT of WPA. I can hardly wait! LOL I really like the idea of not counting and not having limits. I think that was hard for me before. I wouldn't feel full after eating my good FLEX meal so I would overeat on things I shouldn't. Now I know if I am still hungry after 20 minutes I'll just find something else to eat keeping in mind the 8 GHG's. I'm much less tempted to eat things I shouldn't when I know I have lots of good choices available to me.

starting day 3

I cannot believe how different I feel only on my 3rd morning of CORE. Because I was baffled by what a person could possibly find to eat, let me share my menu from yesterday.

Bear Mush (kind of like cream of wheat)
grapes
apple
steamed brussels sprouts
chili (the one I posted about with beans and TVP) with sour cream 2 bowls *blush*
WW chocolate muffin (it was in the freezer and I just wanted a treat. miraculously I was MORE than satisfied with that treat)
bites of grapefruit I was cutting for the kids
salad with hard cooked eggs, tomato, cucumber, lettuce mix and FF dressing (still trying to determine if it's CORE or not)
2 glasses of FF milk
clementine

I am surprised at how little I ate. I mean after lunch I had that muffin because I was hungry and it was the time of day I normally binge. The day before I had had popcorn in that time slot. It really is freeing to know I can eat whenever I am hungry as long as I choose wisely. And I can't believe I had 2 cups of milk last night. It's been years since I did that. I was probably pregnant with someone the last time I really just drank milk. but I know it's good for me and I should drink it, but I never wanted to use points on milk. Instead I would use them on junk!

So just wanted to check in with you and let you know that I am doing great.

And the scale? It was 160.4 on Wednesday morning. This morning it said 157.4. That might be my favorite part!!! **grin**

chili

It's kind of chilly today and gray and a little rainy. So I decided to make a pot of this for lunch today. Yummy! I'll be topping it with some sour cream. And I might put it over a baked potato even. The recipe calls for a teaspoon of sugar. That part isn't CORE so I just left it out. I figure, what good is ONE teaspoon of sugar going to do in a pot of chili?

This is kind of fun. Then again, I need to get out my first week's book and make sure I am following the rules as I should.

So I made the switch!

Tuesday just felt more and more out of control. I was eating whatever was easy and not really thinking if I was even hungry or not. I decided that night that I would try CORE for the rest of the week. I know with WW's we're not supposed to switch mid-week, but they say it's OK for maintenance. Even though I am trying to lose, well...whatever!

So I did it. Yesterday I was trying to figure out what to take to work for lunch so I just grabbed a couple of hard boiled eggs. And some carrots and mango and clementines. I'd had cottage cheese for breakfast. I was hungry when I got home, so I had a boca burger with some ketchup and mustard and some grapes. Then later when Emma got home from school (since everyone else was home sick!), I had some FF popcorn. I was hungry last night for something. Something like a mexi-melt from Taco Bell in fact. I've been craving one of those for DAYS now.

Instead I had some scrambled eggs with salsa and sour cream. The cranberry bread that had been sitting on the counter all day calling to me finally got a little of my attention after that. But I was proud of myself for only having a little bit after I had eaten my other stuff. I hadn't eaten dinner since with all the sick kids, the ones who felt like it kind of just picked. And Jack E was SO fussy and demanding my time.

So all in all my first day on CORE was a success. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be at all. And I really wanted to be able to eat without setting limits for myself. I know that with FLEX, there is not food that is off limits and all that, but to me it seems like a little of the wrong food just leaves me wanting more and more. And since it's so easy to justify the first bite if I have the points for it, I wind up having too much and going way off plan.

This morning I had my bear mush for breakfast. Yummy. And I had a few grapes. I think knowing that I can eat something from my list no matter where I sit points wise is a good move for my psyche if nothing else.

And looking back, I realized that I didn't even get to my 23 points yesterday. It's been a LONG time since I came in under my DPA.

I do have to confess to not REALLY following the true plan yesterday. My cottage cheese was 1% and not fat free. And my sour cream was reduced fat and not fat free. But I'm thinking that that wasn't a good enough reason to not make the switch. When I shop this weekend, I'll get the right stuff, but for the next couple of days I'm just almost there.

blip

Isn't that what we call it in WW terms when we go OFF plan for a day or two?

The stress has gotten to me I guess. I did the clean when I'm stressed thing. Yesterday I did like 8 loads of laundry. Today I've scrubbed my wood floor and the main level bathroom. I did the bake when I'm stressed thing. I made honey oatmeal bread, orange juice muffins, sour cherry cake and cranberry bread.

Today I have just eaten carbs.

Moving on from here.

Kelli's ear will be fine. No permanent damage and she can wear her hair up with pride. Jack E still has tummy troubles. Trey has caught the bug. Emma has a dentist appointment tomorrow afternoon to deal with her broken baby tooth. Aleena has attitude to spare today. So now I just wait to see if Clay starts getting the tummy bug before or after his drum lesson at 5 this afternoon.

But my truck has some costly new brakes. Our big family computer is acting up. My vacuum cleaner is acting strange.

Enough complaining. The bus just dropped off Emma and Clay. Time to find them a snack.

weight loss but no meeting

I didn't make it to my meeting again this week. You can read all the exciting details about it here.

But I did weigh myself at home on Saturday morning for a reading of 158.2. So the bummer about weighing every day is that I saw 157.2 twice last week and really wanted that number again on Saturday morning. But I do have to remind myself that in a week I went from 161.4 to 158.2. That is a loss of 3.2 pounds. Pretty awesome for my first OP and tracking week in quite some time.

I am staying OP this weekend too. I have still felt mildly sick, but it's probably from all the stress or sickness around here. I need to get more veggies in my mouth. I sure have enough in my fridge!

I'll check in with you all soon.

it's been a week

And I am still On Plan. It feels pretty good lemme tell ya! Yesterday got a little away from me. I woke up late and had to run out the door to go to work with my 3 youngest in tow. I grabbed a bagel and threw some cream cheese on it and got some drive through for the kids...french toast sticks and hash rounds. Yeah that wasn't so smart. I only ate a couple of their sticks. And I really felt icky for it too.

For lunch I had brought some tuna and a couple slices of bread. I had that and some apple...good so far. Then we went to the market on the way home and stocked up on fruit. And they had salmon on sale so I got some for tomorrow night. When we walked in the door, I was HUNGRY. I ate some of the pastry stuff that the older kids had left from breakfast. I was just in running mode and grabbing whatever I could. Then for dinner, I broiled some chicken and threw a bunch of green veggies in to stir fry (broccoli, green beans, pea pods, bell pepper and spinach-aren't I creative?! HA!) I also made croutons for a salad. That was probably not the wisest choice. They just tasted soooooo good. I ate too many. Then after dinner (where I really only ate a little chicken and salad) I plopped on the couch. I totally wanted more salad so I did. But I swear this morning I woke up with the ickiest tummy from all the croutons. UGH!!

I just finally had some breakfast after lying in bed most of the morning. Bear mush and a banana. How's that for bland food? The scale has been my friend this week too...,mostly.

You know I used to have a major issue with the scale. Like I weighed myself 8-12 times a day. Not healthy I know. Now I typically just weigh every morning so that's big improvement, right? This week has seen_

Sa-161.4
Su-160.4
Mo-160.4
Tu-160.2
We-157.4 (HUH?!)
Th-160.2

So we'll see how the rest of the week shapes up. Tuesday was a busy day and I didn't eat much in the evening but then had a big salad around 9. I'm wondering if that was the reason I was so low yesterday morning.

How are you doing out there?

so that's how I did it!!!

For the past few months I have really struggled with losing the 7 pounds I gained over Christmas. The scale has just creeped up .2 or .4 until now I really would like to lose 8 pounds. I have struggled with thinking, "how did I ever LIVE on 23 points a day?" I am always starving in the afternoon and have used way too many points in that time period. Sure I don't eat a lot of dinner, but I am still over for the day.

But yesterday I seemed to remember how I lost more than 30 pounds using 23 points a day and snacked in the afternoon. VEGETABLES!!! I was hungry around 2:30 so I grabbed the leftover asparagus from Easter and ate that. Then I munched on cherry tomatoes while I was baking bread and a cake (which is really a quick bread baked in a rectangle and not sweet at all). Then while I made dinner, I grabbed the cucumber sunomo from the fridge and gobbled up the rest of that.

Three servings of veggies, 0 points, and quite filling. And I also drank about 32 ounces of water while I was eating all that.

OooooOOOOooooooooHHH yeah!!! That's how I lost weight before. When I was hungry I drank water and ate vegetables instead of diet Coke and peanut butter banana chocolate chip bread (yes, it's really yummy!)

Maybe I can lose those 8 pounds again! And I have realized that I totally have to get back to walking. I'm not a huge exerciser at all. I really took my morning walk just for the time alone in my head, but my butt is not so tight now and my thighs and calves are more jiggly. Walking will just help me get firmer again. And give me a little time alone. *sigh*

Easter wasn't bad. I got a purse and a knitting book in my basket. D got good chocolates like a Dove solid dark chocolate bunny. I got into the kiddos stuff a little in the afternoon, but I tracked it and moved away from the chocolate. I know it's there if I want a little nibble, but I don't have to gorge myself on it because last I checked, there was no chocolate shortage in the Denver metro area! :~) I can have chocolate any time I want, so I DON'T have to pig out today...or tomorrow or the next day.

How are you faring these days?

2 days OP

and I am down .6. Yeah!!!

Last night I totally wanted to grab the carton of ice cream and have at it. But I didn't. I went to bed instead. I'm so glad I made that choice.

I did eat about 5 dark chocolate m&m's while Aleena and I stuffed plastic eggs. But she had to try each of the 8 kinds of chocolate that we were using...good thing she's SKINNY...and 12!

One full day on plan...

...and I didn't lose 5 pounds overnight? What's that all about?!?!?!

Yes that is how my crazy mind works. Today I feel fat. Chubby. Not like a hottie.

Just in time for Easter candy!!! I have it from a reliable source that I am NOT getting a chocolate bunny this year. Guess the Easter Bunny knows what I need. Have you seenthis cute little quiz? I appreciate the finer things in life it seems! What does it say about you?

shopping

It's been a few months since I had the opportunity to look for new clothes and try them on. Easter is coming though, you know.

So I have been trying a few things on the last couple of days. Today I saw a cute pair of drawstring pants on the clearance rack. There was only Large left. I know I wear a Medium, but I thought I would try the Larges on. They were pretty roomy, but I could tighten the drawstring enough so that they fit. I almost got them. Almost. Then I thought of what my friend Kathy blogged about the other day. When our clothes give us room to gain a little, we take full advantage! So I didn't get pants that I could grow into.

I did get a size 8 skirt instead. It's a little tight in the middle. Like I can see every one of those 7 pounds I have gained!!! But then again I didn't really have on the right undies, so I'm hoping that I'll look a little better on Sunday morning.

It really was quite motivating to look at the body I have after spending the winter not getting in my walks and not ever getting off my holiday weight gain. I have a couple of good days, then a few bad. Last week D and I both had birthdays so I just was fighting up hill all week. I have to remind myself that it's not all or nothing. Even though I am not happy with how I look right now, I am still in size 10 jeans. Sure they are a little tight, but there is no way I would fit into the size 18's from not too long ago. I need to lose 7 pounds. I will. I know I will.

tell me it was the stroller!!!

As I promised myself, I took a walk this morning while Kelli was at preschool. It's a beautiful day out...nearly 50. Last week was gorgeous! It was around 70 on Saturday even. But then a storm came through and we got a lot more snow on Sunday. It's melting, but the playground was still pretty covered in snow. Jack climbed around a little, but he wasn't really interested in playing a lot at the park. Maybe Thursday will be better? But it's supposed to snow again tomorrow so who knows?

My walk to the park was just PART of the walks I used to take. OMG it's been a while since I got out there!!! It must have been pushing the stroller that made it so much more difficult, right?! Who am I kidding? I have been out of it for too long! It did feel good to get out there again. I can see myself getting back to those early morning walks soon. For now, I am committed to getting out with Jack 2 days a week. And I'm sure I'll get to more soon.

On the eating front it's been OK. I started tracking this weekend again and have really kept track. Saturdays tend to be really over the top for me. This one was no exception. I had burgers thawing for dinner. I was thinking about what to go with them. I typically made my own oven fries. Little oil, relatively healthy...good vehicle for ketchup! This weekend I looked at all the onions in the garage from our winter farm share and told D I thought we should make onion rings with my dad's secret beer batter recipe.

WHAT A BAD IDEA!!!!!

I realized that after the first batch came out of the oil and were draining on the rack. I ate SOOOOO many of those things. I literally felt queasy by the time we were ready to sit at the table with the burgers. I ate a little coleslaw and an ear of corn on the cob and called it a day. The next morning at church we had our "big table" day...basically a HUGE potluck. I stuck to the grapes.

Last night the 4 older kids and D were having some pie while we watched a little TV (in peace since the littles were in BED). I served them all a slice of pie (not homemade this time) with a little ice cream. I was actually hungry then too. I opted for some defrosted strawberries, fresh blueberries and blackberries, a little vanilla kefir and a sprinkle of wheat germ. It tasted great and I didn't feel any guilt. I love berries for that reason. They are YUMMY and low in points.

OH!!! We found a new fruit that we all just LOVE. Pomelo! My MIL told me it's a cross between an orange and a grapefruit. It looks like a HUGE yellow grapefruit. I am not a grapefruit fan at all. I just don't like the flavor, but a pomelo is so much more mild. It tastes more like Fresca as a matter of fact. It's a little bit of a pain to peel, but because it's so big there's a ton of fruit in there as a pay off. According to my Eat Wisely book, a 3 pound pomelo is 3 points. I have been sharing mine (all about 3 pounds) with all the kiddos so I count it as 1 point when I have some. You should check them out.

I wanted to say thank you to all of you who have been leaving me encouraging comments. This has been so much harder than I thought it would be. I am starting to think that losing the weight was the easy part. I guess there is statistical data to show that, huh? Since so many "losers" regain the weight. I really don't want to be that person. I want to be in the minority, but I've got to utilize the tools I learned along the weight loss journey to do it. So thanks for the encouragment. I have stepped away from the weight loss blog world a little lately. I do think I needed to find a little more of myself outside of the number on the scale. I was becoming really obsessed with that in a really negative way. I am trying to be more the whole person that I am. A wife, a mama, a friend, a baker, a crocheter, a knitter, a nanny, a neighbor, a "loser". So I am not reading the 25 or so blogs that I used to read...just a handful right now. But I am also looking around and finding blogs that feeds other pieces of my soul too. I'll try to get back to check on everyone now and then, but I'm not making any promises!

So thankful for cyber friends!!!

I think I found my motivation

I wasn't going to go but I did. I was up yet again, but my morning home scale got really ugly this week. Like a day in the 160's. Told you it was ugly. This morning the scale said 158.2 at home and I was THRILLED. Seriously. I was expecting it to be worse. But I am still dealing with TOM and months of out of control eating.

But yesterday I finally felt back on top of it. I didn't track and I didn't worry about points. I hadn't for the last half of the week anyway. But I got a lot more water yesterday and when I wanted to munch I ate fruit. I ate a lot of fruit yesterday, but it's so much lower in calories than some of the other stuff I have been eating that I am OK with that. Jack E eats little but fruit and he's thin, right? Then again, he's not even 2 and a half so maybe that has something to do with it too, huh?

But today I think I finally feel back on top. Your comments have been so great for me. It reminds me of where I have come from. Even though I am NOT happy with the scale these days (and the choices I have made to get it there), I still weigh less than I have for most of my married life. Yesterday the trash man was hitting on me even!!! And I am thinking about how I am eating much more. I have favorite low cal foods and not just things I HAVE to eat. I can do this. I have already done it, I just need to get back on track.

I started gaining some weight around the holidays...when there was too much food around and when I stopped getting out there and walking each morning. It's so easy to just stay in bed, but I have realized that with Kelli in preschool I only have 1 kid at home 2 mornings a week. I always used the 2 of them as an excuse that I didn't have a double stroller so I couldn't go with them. But I really can stick Jack E in the stroller and get out for a walk. And if I take the right route when can get in a good walk then end up at the park for a while before we head home. He'll be in heaven! No it won't be the solitary time I had before, but maybe it will inspire me to get out of bed early again and get that alone time.

So my goal for the week is again to lose a pound. I didn't get there last week, but I really think I will this week.

Gotta go, the troops are getting restless!!! **sigh**

spoke too soon

So I had 3 good days OP and then 2 really awful days. Oh, and TOM showed up too! Things are NOT looking good for a pound loss this week!!!

But I got this word cloud idea fromBecky and thought I'd check it out. Very fun. But the one on my mama blog isn't so pretty!

FYI

This is the 3rd day in a row where I have felt OP. I did use a bunch of flexies the weekend, but not all of them yet!!! And I even tracked my little nibbles.

Today I haven't tracked my little nibbles. They have all been fruit...some pear, a few blueberries, a slice of apple, a chunk of nectarine. If that's all it is, I won't really care since I also don't track the AP of running up and down the stairs carrying a kid or two for half the day either.

So, yes, I am being good!!!

little giggle

Politics aside, I saw this on a bumper sticker yesterday and it made me laugh right out loud:

Monica Lewinsky's ex-boyfriend's wife for President!!!

Hope you liked it as much as I did!!!

what's goin' on

I went to my meeting yesterday and was up even more. I honestly wasn't surprised AT ALL!!! I have had the hardest time getting back to where I want to be and getting my head back into the WW game. And last week I just felt off for a few days. I was totally depressed about I'm not sure what. I felt overwhelmed by life. Just seemed like it was all too much. So I ate more than I should to comfort myself. (It didn't work by the way!!!)

I really considered NOT going to my meeting yesterday morning. I had turned off my alarm after the first ring. I just was going to sleep in. Then my cell rang at 6:45 with a number I didn't recognize. They left a message. Something totally random "good morning sunshine...the sun is smiling on you!" whatever!!! It's not even 7 yet!!! Then they called back, but no message this time. So I went potty. And by this time the dog is awake and wants out. So I got up and got dressed and went to WW.

The meeting was good for me in that we talked about those ANTS. But we also talked about setting a goal and the objectives to get there. I think for a while I've been bugged that I have 6 or 7 pounds to lose. I think about it, but I don't do anything about it. So yesterday in my meeting I decided I would work toward losing 1 pound this week. Just 1. I'm not going to think about anything but getting to 156.?. Then I will work on the rest later. And I decided I have to do better with water. Oh, and STOP FREAKING EATING!!!!

Now I know WW is not a diet and we shouldn't feel deprived all the time and we shouldn't be hungry. But honestly, it's OK to be a little hungry sometimes and to deprive myself a LOT more often than I have been. I have seriously been eating way above my daily points for weeks now. I know I can eat all my dailies and above my weekly flexies too and still lose, but it's like I have been pushing that to the limit. And I haven't been losing at all. In fact, I've been steadily gaining for weeks and weeks now.

So yesterday I really tried to scale it back. But we did have a big Saturday night dinner, and total comfort foods, too. Cube steak and gravy, mashed potatoes (they were from instant since I was being lazy so they weren't so good), cheesy cauliflower, peas, biscuits and apple crumb pie for dessert. Not really a low point meal. But I honestly ate really small portions of everything (except the pie!) and felt good about it. Today we went out for lunch after church to a BBQ place. I had sliced turkey with some BBQ sauce, this cucumber/tomato/onion salad and jalapeno beans. And a little ice cream cone. :) Still kind of crazy, but I do usually eat more on the weekends especially if we go out.

So I am feeling on top of my WW thing for the first time in a while. Yesterday was the first day where I totally felt OP. I only nibbled a tiny bit in the afternoon and TRACKED it ALL. So here's hoping to losing a pound. And if it's more, that's great. I know the momentum of losing just ONE pound will help me get back on track to lose a few more too.

Oh, and my friend at church this morning asked if I'd been losing more weight. I said no. Then she said, "then those must be your 'good butt' jeans"!

whew!

I'm taking just a sec to post before the kids start coming in from school. I have been doing much better at staying OP. Saturday I baked...bread for the week, banana bread and chocolate chip cookies. I had half a slice of banana bread, a small cookie and a bite of Aleena's warm buttered bread. Pretty impressive, huh?!

Then Sunday I ate like crazy and even had a pig out session with the ice cream.

But this week has been really good. I've stayed really close to my daily points, gotten better with my GHG's and gotten in the minimum of water at least.

And the scale moves down. Then again, it was up after all the ice cream on Sunday night!!!

I did go to my meeting last Saturday. I weighed in up another .2, but after last week I was OK with that. Hope to be under 155 when I do my WI in March.

Hope you are all doing well and staying OP!

more later I promise!!!

You Are Basil

You are quite popular and loved by post people. You have a mild temperament, but your style is definitely distinctive. You are sweet, attractive, and you often smell good.

What Spice Are You?

I really thought they were habits

After over a year on WW I find myself NOT journaling this week. And drinking next to no water. What gives with that? Needless to say, I expect to be up even MORE tomorrow at WI. I've seriously got to get past this.

I know, why don't I try sticking to my WPA, flex points, journaling and drinking some WATER!!!

Oh, and you can read about my fascinating Valentine's Day here.

I've grown

OK, I have totally avoided you this week. I have just felt crappy about me and WW and my fatness and all that. Oh, and it's been TOM, too! This was the first time I think I ever wanted to wear sweats because my belly actually hurt. It was really tender and bloaty and crampy. One of the worst go rounds I've had with this whole thing. Granted I took about a decade away from it for gestation and lactation, but still I've been doing the TOM thing for a while and this one was really icky.

Anyway. I also got a call from the nurse at my doctor's office one afternoon this week. I was trying to explain to her that I needed a note for WW that said it was OK for me to set a goal weight of 155. She thought WW should determine my weight not me. And she would not be able to back date anything to November. She said I needed to come in for an appointment to discuss my goal weight with my doctor.

OK. This nurse is one of "those" people...tiny and skinny. Not at all sympathetic to me and my fatness. Next issue I have with all this? My doctor is really great. She's very thorough and I really feel like she knows who I am even though I've had like 3 appointments with her. BUT...she is always REALLY behind schedule. When I went in to get my little cyst taken off my scalp, I was there for over 2 hours. And most of that was just in the waiting room hanging out. I have to REALLY need to see her to go into her office. And lastly? I am just pissy about this whole thing. It totally sucks as far as I am concerned.

I tried to email my leader about the situation but it kept bouncing back to me. I actually told D that I thought I would give up WW for lent. He didn't think that was a good idea. I told him I feel like as a person I have been reduced to a number on a scale. I want to find me again without thinking about how much I weigh. He still didn't think giving up WW was a good idea though he did think I should deal with my feelings about WW.

So I sucked it up and walked into that meeting yesterday. Leader says "they didn't fax me". I told her they wouldn't and explained the story to her. She said I would have to do my 6 weeks of maintenance again. Sucky, but not the end of the world. Then she asks, "what was your goal again?" 155 "And how tall are you?" 5"4" L the other receptionist looks up and says "no you're not!" L is 5'4" and knows that I am taller than her even when I'm running around there in socks. So these 2 decide maybe I should measure myself with their wall chart thing. Now you know how when you go to dressing rooms and the mirrors make you look thinner? And how when you go to the doctor the scale always weighs you heavier so you have one more thing to stress about while you're there? I SWEAR to you that their measuring thing starts like an inch from the floor. Because I was 5'5 1/2" yesterday. So either I've had a growth spurt since this summer when I was at the doctor, or there's a little discrepancy there. I just figure it out. At the doctor's office I was shorter and fatter so my BMI would be WAY off and I could be counseled about obbesity. OMG!!! It's all a huge conspiracy!!!!!

Anyway...my leader rounds my height up to 5'6" and now 155 is the very top of WW's range for me. Problem solved! That was easy. Too bad I've been stress eating for 3 weeks worrying about how this would all work out. I weighed in at 157 yesteday. Leader told me to STOP stress eating as all was well now. I am officially a LIFETIME member with all my paperwork in order. THANK GOD!!!

Before yesterday I was seriously thinking of just walking away from WW forever. I looked into Overeaters Anonymous a little. In the section about "is OA for you" I found it ineteresting that a lot of the behaviors that signal an overeating disorder were ones that I struggled with almost daily before WW but now they are thought patterns and behaviors that are really rare for me. Guess I've made some progress there. WW really has been a good thing for me. I am glad that I have all my issues worked out there. I still have issues with me, don't get me wrong. But I'm working on it.

This morning I got on the scale like every other morning. It said 152.6. WHAT? Did I lose 5 pounds of stress? Or is it because I didn't drink enough water yesterday and was dehydrated? Or because TOM is over and I've lost my bloatedness? Whatever!

meeting but no WI

I went to my meeting on Saturday morning. How sad is it that I saw my leader walking in the parking lot before I got out of the car and thought evil thoughts about her?! Inside I asked if she had received the FAX from my doctor's office. She said, no, but it's not big deal...we'll get it when it gets here. *big smile*

Oh, yeah....SHE doesn't actually think I'm fat. In fact she thinks it great that I have chosen to take care of myself after more than a decade of gestating and lactating. Oh, yeah...

I decided that I won't hide from WW anymore. Screw it! I'm putting my fat little self on that scale Saturday morning. What are they going to do to me? Publicly humiliate me? Take away my keychain stuff? Call me a failure in front of the rest of the people there?

Nope! They will just take my money if I am above that limit of 157. Whatever...

By the way, I feel like I should tell you all that even though I feel like I'm not doing the WW thing very well lately, I have maintained a weight of 157.? to 158.? this entire time. Last week I even saw 155.? on my morning ritualistic weigh in at home. So I'm not like gaining a pound a week or anything. I'm actually MAINTAINING my weight. Just a higher number than WW wants me to be...and really about 5 pounds more than I want to be too.

My weekend was fun. I even found my inner skinny girl again. We went to dinner on Saturday night to celebrate the birthdays that happened last week. I had been running around all day. I was hungry and thirsty! I ordered a glass of water no ice (so I could slurp it down) and then looked at the menu. I really wanted veggies. I think the combo of being hungry and really thirsty was making me want something healthy. We were at a local brewery/restaurant (with $1 kids meals-HELLO!) so you can guess what the food was like. I thought about a chicken sandwhich. I thought about a salad. I got a bowl of soup and a dinner salad. I also ate one of Kelli and Jack E's mini corn dogs, a couple bites of Emma's fish and about 1/6 of one of the 2 mile high mud pies the server brought to us for the birthdays.

I was totally full and satisfied. I really felt like I had indulged but made good choices. The skinny girl was back. And I watched my 10 yo son eat a monte cristo, a ton of fries and split a mud pie with his brother. He's one of the skinny people in this house, and I am constantly amazed at the amount of food he can pack away!

I'll be updating more on my mama blog later. You can read more about our fun weekend there!

reflection

I spent a lot of time yesterday thinking about what my deal was. Thanks for those comments you left. To answer some of them:

I haven't been getting in my 8 GHG's...in the areas or F/V and dairy.

I went to a meeting last week but didn't WI.

I have been tracking it all. Every ugly detail.

I am the one who brought the junk in here. And it's not really "junk". Whole wheat banana and wheat germ bread isn't really unhealthy, but it takes points when I could spend them better. I have never really kept stuff out of our house just because I was on WW. I feel like if it's not OK for me to have occaisionally then my kids should NEVER have it. So we have ice cream around. And a bag of chips every couple of weeks. And I will bake cookies or muffins. I have always been able to stay out of the stuff until lately. And 4 of my 6 kids are at the bottom of the healthy range for weight. They eat all the time I swear! But they really do eat mostly fruits and yogurt for snacks. They have cereal sometimes or toast with peanut butter. Heck even our peanut butter is the natural kind that just peanuts! My kiddos have great eating habits so D and I must be doing something right there.

So what did I come up with yesterday in all my reflecting? Well, I should say that I was having cramps and feeling the early stuff of PMS even though that's more than a week away. So my thinking was a little clouded by all of that. I almost started crying in the shower when I heard D banging on the door. He was coming home from work with stuff in his hands and needed someone to open the door. Kelli can't unlock it (THANK GOD or she'd be running the neighborhood in her panties!) and didn't know what to do. I could hear him banging and felt so bad that he was locked out. He did have his keys in his pocket and a garage door opener in his truck, but still I wanted to cry.

So I was not in a good place! And I just felt naseous too. Just all around icky.

Back to my reflection. This really goes to show how deeply my nueroses go. I think part of my issue lately has come from reaching my goal weight that is above WW's limit for my height. That letter I need to get from my doctor really bugs me I guess. It's like I didn't quite make it to my goal. When I set 155 as my goal, I felt so great about my body. I really felt like that was a weight I could maintain easily and look good.

Then WW told me I was still fat. (That's the PMS part talking.)

Today I've been really trying to make my peace with the fact that I want to eat healthfully and feel fit for me. I love the WW program. I am a HUGE advocate for it. But I need to process how I'm feeling about this a little more.

Today I am trying to reclaim myself. And honestly it's a hard day to do it. I haven't done overnight work (as a postpartum doula or night nanny) for over a year. I did one night last week and then worked again last night. I am basically there to do whatever for these twins so mama can sleep. I give them a bottle, change diapers, soothe them and get them back to sleep. The babies I cared for last night are 3 months old so they are really used to their routine. They did sleep a little longer last night. So I slept from around 9:30-midnight. Both babies back asleep by 1 and then I was up at 4:15 to give them each another bottle before I left at 5. Then I was home on my couch half asleep from 5:45 til about 6:45 or 7.

I'm a little out of it, but not too bad. I stopped to get the kids donuts on my way home this morning. I was REALLY out of it then because for some reason I didn't think 1 dozen would be enough for them to all have 2 donuts. So I got 2 dozen. I was in the car before I realized how badly I suck at math that early in the morning.

I did eat 2 of the nasty wonderful things. But I put the rest in a tupperware in THE GARAGE until tomorrow morning so I won't pick anymore.

What I ate yesterday:

Food	Units
picks of cereal	1
rolled oats with 1/2 banana, little honey and kefir	4
other half of banana :)	1
1/2 apple with a little PB (Jack E's leftovers)	2
whole wheat pasta with a little parmesan	4
cauliflower and lowfat cheese sauce (from frozen)	3
2 mint kisses	3
toast w/ jam	4
1 cup 1% cottage cheese w/ hot sauce	3
toast with jam	4
Total:	29

wish I could say it was better

I don't know what the deal is for me lately. Who am I kidding? It's not just lately. I've been off plan since Christmas. I just can't seem to get it together again.

This week I have just been choosing junk. I've been eating too much. Eating out of boredom. Out of frustration. (Sorry if I'm deflating your idea that I live a serene and peaceful life in this house with 6 kids!) And I haven't been sticking to the limits I know I should.

My jeans fit so I feel like I can just do what I want.

Guesss I still need to keep looking for my inner skinny girl, cause it's her fat sister that's plopped on the couch right now!

why did I do that?

Last night after dinner the kids were having ice cream to celebrate Aleena's birthday. I served them all a bowl but didn't make one for me. I didn't need to eat ice cream after all!

Instead of having a sensible portion, I just sat there picking out of the cartons while I talked to them. Instead of having a "portion" I just picked. And ate a LOT of ice cream in the process.

Why did I do that?!?!?!?!?!?!

On to today. Today is Clay,my middle son's, 9th birthday. This morning I made him a triple batch of his favorite banana chocolate chip muffins. One batch for the family and the other 2 batches to take to school for snack. Aleena was proud of me for using granulated sugar and unbleached flour instead of sucanat and freshly milled whole grain flour! Wouldn't want to embarrass my children by making them take healthy food to school. Then again, these muffins are pretty healthy. They are interesting to me because the recipe is 30 years old and not quite what I would find today. You can read more about that here.

But I ate 2 of the muffins. Does it count as a whole muffin if Kelli takes a few bites and then deems it "gwoss"? Then she did the same thing 10 minutes later! I took it upon myself to finish them off for her. Not a great moment since I just gobbled them down. No "thinking first" for me! I really want to salvage this day and this week on the WW front. I know how easy it is to have a bad day and just let that keep going until I have gained 10 pounds. That's not an option.

For dinner tonight it's spaghetti and meatballs. Yes, it's what my 9 year old picked for his birthday dinner. This time I'll be more proactive and make a big salad too. There will be ice cream tonight too. And I think I will make some of Kate's chocolate chocolate chip muffins to go with them. Then I can plan on a 4 point dessert and plan my day around that. Instead of just picking at the ice cream and going overboard.

Gotta go change a poop! And scrub the floors and do laundry. Don't you just wish you were ME???

slippery slope

I can't believe I haven't been here in over a week. Well actually I was messing around the 2 littles the other night and we put a pic in the side bar. But other than that I have been busy!

And I haven't been journalling like I should either. Mainly just yesterday and today. Today is my oldest daughter's 12th birthday. I can't believe she is 12 already! But I made her a Dutch baby for breakfast this morning and then ate way too much of it. The rest of the morning was fine. And afternoon has been OK. I just feel like I am not staying super accountable to WW right now.

Maybe because I totally skipped my meeting on Saturday? My hubby decided to not work that day (he's started doing construction type work that is much more physically demanding-and pays better!) and I decided to stay in bed as long as possible too. I've been getting up between 5:30 and 6 each day so it felt sooo amazing to stay in bed til after 8. But maybe without that check in and then the lack of blogging I feel just a little off.

A couple of NSV's to share:

last week in a moment of stress, I stopped at a gas station to get a diet Coke. I bought the 2 littles with me some cookies and I bought myself some peanut butter M&M's. I didn't eat the M&M's. Instead I ate a muffin leftover from lunch (homemade oatmeal muffin=3pts) and gave the M&M's to my oldest when she got home from middle school!

I have been eating too much for breakfast. Like 8 points worth of waffles or toast and the like. I eat my lunch around 11:30 and then a big snack in the afternoon. By dinner I have just a few points left. But guess what? I'm not really hungry so just eat a little dinner. Imagine that! Listening to my body when it knows it's had enough calories for the day.

I'll try to post more this week since even this little one has made me feel better!

Happy Monday...and happy birthday dear Aleena!

I switched to CORE

...for about an hour yesterday. I was running into the market for a few things yesterday. They had their soups on sale. I LOVE soups, but can never really get into canned ones. I decided I'd go home and make some chicken and barley veggie soup. I got some barley from the bulk bin and went home.

While it was simmering on the stove, I put all the ingredients through the recipe builder on WW. I was already thinking about CORE since we had talked a lot about it in the WW meeting earlier. Our leader was just encouraging us to eat more CORE foods since they are the healthier options anyway. I really was considering making that leap.

After I had all my ingredients in the recipe builder, I realized they all had the little blue checkmark by them to denote they were all CORE foods. I ate a bowl of the soup and thought, 'yep, I can do this. No more counting every little thing. Just stick to the list."

I cleaned up the mess from making soup and what was my next venture in the kitchen? Dinner. Ham. Roasted root vegetables. Corn. And BREAD. That was the clincher. I switched back to flex then and there.

I know that processed foods are NOT good for you. TURST ME I know that baked stuff makes me crave more and more of it. But that's not what I am talking about here. Last night with our dinner we had a loaf of wheat germ bread. It had freshly groud whole wheat flour (soft white, hard red and spelt), honey, molasses, yeast, water, olive oil, buttermilk and wheat germ in it. It was dark and rich and so good with dinner. I didn't put it through the recipe builder because it's not so different from the other wheat breads I have done that all came out at 3 points/slice. I'm not sure if that is giving me the max for fiber or not, because I KNOW this flour has way more fiber than the flour at the store.

But I really love baking. I love giving that to my family, too. How can I walk away from that now? I know I can use my WPA for that on CORE and maybe I'll decide to do that. But I also adore my vanilla Fat Free yogurt. It has no artificial sweetners so it costs me a point more than yoplait, but I think that's OK.

I should say that although I went to a meeting yesterday morning, I didn't weigh in. I know I'm probably up a little again. It's been TOM (again-what's with every 2 weeks?!) and I just slacked off on my water last week really badly. I am still a few (like 3-4) pounds about where I really want to be. I decided that I am going to really buckle down for 2 weeks, getting all my water and staying within my points. At that point I should be down a little and can try to be just "maintaining" again. I really haven't been in losing mode since sometime in November. That would be OK if I didn't gain those pounds during the week of Christmas. I really would like them GONE. Just so I can feel that sense of accomplishment that I really have lost the weight.