Monday, April 28, 2008

just a quick post

Just wanted to stop by and let you all know that I am still here and still on my journey.

I have been in the worst funk for more than a week. I have struggled with clinical depression and postpartum depression for a really long time. A lot of it is hormone related too. The past 10 days or so have been really bad for me. I told D on Saturday that I just would like to go to bed for a while. Maybe a few days I don't know.

But the thing about life and kids is that I just can't do that. Life keeps going and I have to try to keep up. Saturday was Emma's birthday and I really just wanted her to have a good day. She did. I tried to keep my gunk to myself as much as possible. For the most part, I think I do OK at maintaining.

Then again, my kids might notice that no laundry gets done for days at a time (or all week), I don't do my daily vacuuming and dinner consists of things like eggs, quesadillas and pasta for an entire week with no real effort put into meals.

Not sure where I am going with all of this. I did notice a huge thing the other day though. For years of my life, I have turned to private food binges to try to make myself feel better in times like this one. I had really managed to NOT do that all week last week. I did take the time to feed myself well and didn't eat pints of ice cream or secret cheeseburgers. In fact, I even got McD's for the 2 littles last week for lunch one day and made a salad for me at home instead.

But Saturday I started eating things I shouldn't (like birthday donuts!) and have really struggled all weekend. I want to get back on top of that part of it. There was a sense of pride in knowing that I had really changed the emotional eating aspect of it all. And even though I have struggled all weekend, it's not like it could have been.

Now to just get back OP...and wait for this funk to pass.

7 comments:

Kate said...

*hugs* I have had severals battles with depression in the last 10 years, and I know how hard it can be, and I can't imagine trying to deal with it with children, it was hard enough just to take care of myself!

I was the opposite though, I just didn't eat...PERIOD while depressed.

Hang in there girl, and remember, we are all here for ya if you need to talk. Just focus on you and making you better!

TB--Milwaukee said...

Good luck. Sounds like you need a night out. I'm all for that. I get Tuesdays for choir and Wednesdays for WW. I try to send my wife out once a week to shop, it's tough as she hates shopping, but she enjoys the Starbucks at least.

Diet Coke and Zingers said...

I hear you... I have the same issues and sounds like we have more in common than just diet coke! As you know, if you hang in and keep trying, things will get better... they always do! Then you'll be able to face that mound of laundry that no doubt will be waiting for you!

Kate said...

How you doing over there? Haven't heard from ya! So just checking in!

Diet Coke and Zingers said...

Hope the funk is passing! Missing your blogging!

Caroline said...

I have struggled with depression since I was 10 years old and I HATE that it seems I open my eyes in the morning and wait to see how I feel and what type of day it is going to be. I like planning, and that doesn't really lend itself to planning. I'm sending hugs and happy thoughts your way and hoping the funk passes soon!

Diet Coke and Zingers said...

Okay, it's been long enough. I'm starting to worry... Calling the police to have them go find you now...