Friday, September 28, 2007

the flu, mama's turn

soooo not fun. when your kids throw up, you try to be sympathetic, but want them to just....well, not have the flu. When my little tiny guy was sick, I wanted him better. For all of our sakes.

Then it hit me. Tuesday night I didn't sleep much. I had gone to bed early, but I was awake again before midnight and just felt achy and yucky. I finally fell asleep around 4, then I was up again around 7 to call in sick to work. I was puking by 7:15. It was so awful. I haven't been that sick since I was a teenager I think. I won't give you all the yucky details...but fat panties make good disposable undies when you need such a thing...

I was sick all day. Until after 8 I was still throwing up. That was Wednesday. Thursday was better. I was done with all the puking...the other held on a little longer. But I was just so wiped out. I did finally get out of bed last night to watch a little TV with the fam. This morning D finally had to go back to work so I had to up and at 'em with the kiddos. Not a good morning. A drained and dehydrated mama is not a patient mama. And children who have hardly seen their mama in a couple of days need a patient mama. Or at least a somewhat attentive one.

I do feel better today. I am still really weak and run down. It's hard to eat much since I still get a little tummy ache when I eat too much. And I am still feeling like I could drink and drink and drink and never be satisfied.

One good thing...I may have broken my extra large diet coke first thing in the morning EVERY morning habit. I would literally get out of bed, get dressed quick, throw on some flip flops and head to the gas station...or McD's when they were on sale all summer. I would have my diet coke fix very first thing in the morning. Then I would usually have another one of those mid-day as well. That plus all my water. Yep, I peed like every 10 minutes!

But the caffeine addiction is so hard to break for me. It is so ingrained in me. But after going without for a few days, maybe I can kick it altogether? That is sooooo insanely scary to say. There was a time in my life (when we were newlyweds) that I didn't usually even keep diet coke in our house. Now? ummm, different story. But I know it's not a healthy habit.

Now I'm rambling. Maybe it's a blood sugar thing. Maybe I can convince my dh to fix one more dinner? So far the kids have had pizza and scrambled eggs for dinner. I think tonight is burgers. Thank goodness for hubbies that like to cook!

Sunday, September 23, 2007

the flu

my baby has it and it sucks...he's been really sick...had to take him in to get IV fluids last night.

but not tracking all week? I still lost .4 so I guess I could do that for maintenance...

i'm a little out of it so I'll keep this short. I am glad to see that I am still on the downward slope...last 10 pounds till maintenance with WW...and 15 pounds till I reach my Christmas Challenge goal. More about that later.

Friday, September 21, 2007


I think I am a pretty good cook. Not to be tooting my own horn or anything, but I really like to cook and in a family of 8 where we eat at home really every single night of our lives, I get plenty of practice!

That being said, I don't often share a lot of my ccoking ideas here. I love to read your blogs where you share your recipes...they inspire me. But I know you are not all cooking for an army and trying to do it as economically as possible. We have a farm share which means I always have tons of vegetables around to try to cook in new and exciting ways. We buy our beef as a quarter of beef so I really have no idea how lean or fat it really is...and we recently got a ton of pork from a meat locker that is the same lovely unmarked packaging. I tend to get creative with what I have on hand. I decided when I joined WW that it would be unrealstic to drastically change the way my family eats. D has been a staunch low carb man since before half our children were born. He likes the way he eats. With WW I am much more of a low fat girl. My kids are healthy and some of them are quite active. Jack E is a TINY little guy who I try to get as much WHOLE milk into as possible. I try to get the kids to snack on fruit or yogurt (though they much prefer cereal and lunch meat-not at the same time-not even by the same kid, honestly!) so I always have those options around too.

So, I don't often share what I make for dinner because it wouldn't really help you unless we signed up for wife swap together or something like that. But I do want to mention 2 things we ate this week that were highlights for me.

The first is spaghetti squash. As mamas, we all love the spaghetti dinner. It's easy. It's cheap. And what kid doesn't like it? Tell that to my carb hating dh! We usually save pasta meals for when he isn't home, but a couple times in the past week, we've had spaghetti squash. Granted, I buy 2 of the biggest ones I can don't have to do that. It reheats really well, too. It's great since 1 cup is only 1 point. I still sometimes give the kids whole wheat spaghetti while D and I eat the squash, but the kids want the squash too, so what the heck? It's really not terribly expensive for spaghetti squash this time of year either.

My other yummy dinner this week? This yummy noodle dish. I love chinese food, but it's not WW friendly...and we rarely go out for it or order it in. I made this with Ken's Lite Asian Sesame Dressing instead of the Kraft variety listed here. And I used fresh garlic and ginger and just put red pepper flakes on my bowl. Oh and I used whole wheat cappellini, too. It was really really tasty and I felt like I was eating Chinese food for a LOT fewer points. The next time I do it, I'll definitely add more veggies aside from the broccoli. Maybe pepper strips and pea pods and julienned carrots. I totally loved this! This was what I ate Wednesday night when I said I "overdid" it at dinner.

I haven't put it though the recipe builder yet. In fact I'll do that now and update with how many points per serving it is.

And I am really looking forward to my meeting tomorrow and buying a new little tracker notebook. I ran out last week and thought I'd just use a notebook. I miss my little book!!!

just ran it through...8 points for a large 2 cup serving withoout the peanuts

Thursday, September 20, 2007

this is scary...

I haven't tracked all week!!! You have to know what kind of WW I am to know how scary this is for me. Even on vacation I was tracking...even as each day was deeper and deeper into a flex point deficit. I have gone to weigh in EVERY single week since I signed up for WW. I am a total nerd...try to follow all the rules and do all the right things.

I started tracking on Saturday. Then I had my 3 extra kiddos that afternoon and evening. I had 1.5 slices of cheese pizza for dinner and was going to log it, but didn't get to it. Sunday morning was busy so I didn't write down my bagel...or all the cookies I ate as I was baking them! Then we headed to our farm-share farm for their big harvest festival which is a potluck. They grill burgers for everyone and we bring sides and desserts.

Some potluck things are easy to pass up. There are usually lots of dishes that involved mixes or cream of something soup. Not at this one. These are peope who get an organic farm share each week. They know countless ways to prepare green beans and broccoli and cabbage and potatoes...that don't involve anything from a can or jar. And of course, as we were driving up there, I realized I was STARVING!!!

So I ate whatever and didn't worry about it. I decided those would be my flex points and I'd stay low the rest of the week. I did have this incredible apple cake/torte thing that was amazing...whole wheat flour and all! (I took zucchini oatmeal chocolate chip cookies just so you know that I too am totally into the weird food thing...and yes they had whole wheat flour, too)

The neat thing for me, was that I was able to eat and enjoy it and visit with people, too. I tend to be really weird this way. I like my private binges. It's easy not to over eat at the party, but then when every one is gone I finish off half a cake or something like that. I over ate while I talked to my daughter about how good the food tasted. I'm not sure why, but that seems like a big deal to me.

So why didn't I start tracking Monday morning? The flu, my friends. I didn't feel well Sunday night...and by Monday afternoon I was waaaaaaay worse. I was really sick. Tuesday was a little better, but I really didn't eat much those few days except for reduced fat store brand cheezits.

Yesterday was my first day of normal eating. I took a good lunch with me to work, and had a great snack. I overdid it at dinner a little (which was an awesome recipe I'll share later). But I also did well with my water.

At this point I am just experimenting. I honestly don't want to record every thing I put into my mouth for the rest of my life. I hope at some point to just eat and make healthy choices and maintain a healthy weight. If I start gaining, I will totally jump back in, but I want to get away from the tracking some day so this week has been an experiment to see if I have any self regulating stuff in my head yet or not.

And my size 12 jean capris that I have LIVED in for months and months now are quite saggy today. So we'll see...

Saturday, September 15, 2007

it works!!!

Imagine that! I actually worked the program and I lost weight! Who knew?!?!?!

So my loss for this week was 4 pounds. Two of those were what I think was a temporary gain that showed up last week, and the other 2 are getting me back to my low spot before vacation. I am happy with it.

It does feel encouraging to know that I am going in the right direction. Of the 3 areas that I chose to focus on for the next 8 weeks, I really only got the water down well and the planning was coming along. This week I want to make sure to get all the water in and do well with planning and try to move more. Then hopefully the week after can just be a focus on the movement as the other 2 will be frim habits. Does that make sense?

Last week at my meeting, my plan was to get to 158 (my lowest WI so far) by the end of 8 weeks (Nov 3) and just call it over...start maintenance from there. I just didn't feel very confident that I would ever get to my goal. I think now I am revamping that goal to get to 150 by November 3. That means 10 pounds in 7 weeks. It is possible, I know. I don't want to set that goal too far out of reach, but I do feel really good like I am sooooo close, I just want to be there.

Since I CAN'T control what the number says, instead I will choose to control the things I can. I will drink my water, plan my days and move more. I know that will result in weight loss and good vibes for me. And I am pretty confident that I will be at that 150 goal or close to it by the time November 3 rolls around.

What do you think?

Thursday, September 13, 2007


Yesterday, I was like a bottomless pit. Cravings like crazy for...protein. So I followed it and didn't worry that I was going deep into my weekly points. I felt like if I was craving turkey. it was for a reason and I should go with it.

And I am having a really hard time with TOM the past couple of days, too, so I think it's my body's way of getting enough iron and what not.

I am doing really well with WW this week. I was so discouraged on Saturday at my meeting, We did one of those goofy worksheets they have about winning outcomes or some such thing. Since we had just set a goal for 8 weeks out, we were supposed to figure out the strategy that would get us there. I said I would:

1-Drink my water. At least 64 oz a day.

2-Plan my meals and snacks better so I wasn't always at the end of my points by dinner.

3-Really focus on getting in walks nearly every morning. Since I only go to work early on Wednesday's, it's feasible to get an early walk every day but Wednesday.

So how is this week stacking up so far? I have totally regained my water habit. In fact, last night I wanted something after dinner, took a big ol' drink of water and was satisfied. I realized that I was just thirsty.

I've done some better planning. Yesterday was all out the window, but other than that I've done really well with planning ahead.

Exercise? Between Kelli's tummy issue and my own crampy stuff, I've been in bed till the last possible second most days. Yesterday at work I decided to take my babies for a walk in their double stroller. Ummm, they live in the mountains...even though it was only 15 minutes, my calves are killing my from all the uphill pushing. And the babies loved taking a ride, too!

So I am feeling much more on top of it these days. Like I really can get to, how long has it been since I was THERE?!?!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

weight loss is like having a baby

And, no, I don't mean in that goofy way that people say the fastest way to lose 15 pounds is to give birth. That's stupid since you usually gain way more than those measly little 15 pounds when you are preggo and those 15 pounds are just the tip of the iceberg!

No, I just realized that a lot of my feelings about my body mirror those that I've had in the hours and weeks after giving birth. And since I've given birth 6 times and NEVER lost more than 25 pounds before in my life, I'd thougth I'd try this analogy out.

All 6 times that I have gone to the hospital to give birth, I have felt HUGE!!! My skin was stretched. I was uncomfortable moving around. My center of balance was waaaay off. I didn't want to feel like that anymore. After that baby is out it is suddenly so much easier to move around. I can breathe again. The ache is gone from my hips and pelvis (except with Trey who bruised my tailbone or some such crazy thing!). Then within a few hours I take my first shower post partum and feel so SKINNY!!! My belly is no longer stretched beyond recognition. (I should add that I got stretch marks with every single one of my kids except Jack E-no wonder he's my favorite!).

And I am incredibly proud of what my body has accomplished. I have just birthed my child. I have had really easy deliveries (even with 2 inductions and 2 augmentations) and little to no medication with each birth. I was always amazed in the hours after each baby's birth that this little person had just emerged from my body. The feeling of having that hard little head emerge and know that we had done this together was euphoric.

That's a lot like how I felt after losing the first 25 pounds or so with WW. I was stunned and amazed that I had lost that much weight so easily. I was thrilled with how my body looked. I felt so incedibly skinny and hot.

A couple of weeks or a month after each baby was born and I was starting to feel in the groove of the motherhood thing again, I would want to get back to my "regular" clothes. I would try to pull on some jeans and realize how flabby my belly still was. It was always such a shocker to realized that even though I didn't look like I did when I was pregnant, I was far from back to "normal". This is really kind of ironic for me since there hasn't been much time between any of my pregnancies. And really, my hips didn't go back to normal until after I weaned my baby last winter...which means they were in their "loosened" state (ie an entire jeans size largerfor my big ol' butt) from 1995 until early 2007. UGH!

I think I'm at that place now. I am not a size 18 anymore, or squeezing myself into those 18's. I am really quite securely in a size 12, which are many days a little loose even. I have a much thinner face. I have some parts of me that really look pretty good. But I am not skinny yet. I think my frustration with my body and weight loss efforts lately come from that dissatisfaction with me. I am still incredibly proud of what I have accomplished. Not only has this body birthed and nourished 6 babies, but I have lost over 30 pounds now...over holiday's and birthdays and an anniversary and a vacation, too. I don't have my little saggy spot on the side of my belly anymore. It's that kind of post six pregnancies in 10 years sag you'd expect me to have. The sag is nearly gone but the belly is far from flat.

But I'm a lot closer now than I was 10 months ago. And as my nearly 2 year old baby sits here laughing and tickling at my neck, I realize that this is a journey...a that will be a lifelong thing. Just like I will never stop being "mama", I won't stop working on this body.

Monday, September 10, 2007

what's changed?

So, I'm better now. I was in a icky place Saturday. I was tired. I tried to nap. YEAH RIGHT!!! Emma kept asking me when I would be done sleeping. Kelli kept coming in to ask me if she could eat something. Then D called. Then Jack E pooped and came in to get a clean diaper.

I gave up and went for a long walk. It was good. I seem to do a lot of good thinking while I walk. I was listening to my music and just reflecting.

I was thinking about something my WW leader had said when she weighed me in that morning. I said I had changed a lot since I started WW...she said maybe I hadn't really changed that much at all.

So I thought about what has changed. I have started drinking my 64 oz of water nearly every day. I choose fruit or yogurt for a snack almost always. I don't usually turn to food to medicate my moods any more. I plan my foods for the day early on and make healthy choices from that. On the days I will be out, I plan for that by taking healthy foods with me. I shop differently too when I am at the grocery store.

I think I just needed to remind myself that I HAVE made changes in my lifestyle. I am so close to finishing this journey to getting to my goal weight that I am not going to give up now.

And lately when I look in the mirror I see a slim face with GREAT cheekbones.

Saturday, September 8, 2007

and it shows

Today I was back up 2 pounds. I didn't put it on my sidebar or adjust my ticker. I don't want to.

Maybe it's not so bad. After all, yesterday I froze about 4 bushels of corn. So I was standing in the kitchen all day. I had 3 huge diet Cokes, not much water and some herbal iced tea. I didn't eat dinner till after 9 o'clock, either. So maybe that's all it is?!

Yeah, right.

When I weighed in with my meeting leader, I told her I just feel "done". I don't want to do this anymore. Maybe I should just sit here for a while and call this goal?

She wasn't convinced unfortunately. And our meeting today was about setting a goal for the next 8 weeks or roughly until Halloween. After that it really begins the holiday season. P (the leader) said that from now till then is really our best chance for losing. Then it will be 8 weeks of holiday madness. Then January will come and it will be back to heavy duty losing mode.

I really think a huge portion of my struggle right now is the body image thing. Have I really changed much since I have lost these 30 pounds? I seem to be having an identify crisis these past few weeks. I still look in the mirror and see what was. Is that because I am seeing what is underneath?

I told my leader maybe I just need a therapist. Seriously, maybe I do.

Friday, September 7, 2007

so unmotivated

I have just been swinging like crazy on the pendulum of motivation this week.

I overdid it on the weekend, but did great on Monday. Tuesday was good, but then I was starved in the afternoon so basically ate a second lunch. That wouldn't have been a problem except that the kids' school was having a fundraiser at our local pizza buffet place. I had an issue with one of the kids...actually he had an issue with me...and I didn't feel like everyone was eating their money's I had too much pizza.

The next few days have followed suit. I am just really struggling with seeing myself as a thin person. I know I'm not "thin" but I think I still see myself as a size 18. Need to work on that...

I don't have anything else to offer right now...maybe later?

Monday, September 3, 2007

what a weekend!!!

It's still officially Labor Day Weekend, I guess, but I need the weekend to be OVER so I can get back on track.

Saturday was just as crazy busy as Friday had been. I did get through all my 3 bushels of tomatoes that needed to be canned or "put up" somehow. I have a few left to eat this week though honestly they are not looking very appetizing right now. I canned 7 quarts of green beans and froze a bushel of corn....that's about 50 ears that we shucked, blanched and cut off the cob to freeze.

Then we had a Brew party on Sunday. That's where D takes over the kitchen for the day and makes a batch of beer...or 2 like yesterday. It was really fun. We invited over some neighbors and just hung out.

What does that mean on the food front?

Well, Saturday morning after my WI I picked up doughnuts for the kiddos. Aleena had a friend over and I just took the easy way out when it came to feeding everybody breakfast. That was a big mistake. Jack took a bite or two from all the doughnuts and so did Mama! UGH...

Lunch? Ummmm, I think I ate a few bites of the mac and cheese that Aleena made for lunch. It was by Annie's organics so that makes it better, right?

For dinner, we got McDonald's. I totally bribed my children to clean the house while I finished doing corn and tomatoes with the evil McD's. I even told the boys they could have whatever sandwich they price limit. I of course had a big ol' burger and a ton of fries. I had hardly eaten all day and had been working like crazy!!!

Sunday morning, Aleena and I finally got to the weekly grocery shopping around 7 am. I ate a bagel while we shopped. We made a quick lunch of quesadillas...mine was with a whole wheat tortilla and reduced fat cheese.

Then neighbors came over and it got ugly. It started with the cranberry martini...then a green apple one...or two, I'm not really sure. There was that yummy 7 layer dip...and bacon cheddar ranch dip with potato chips...and some pineapple cake with a yummy cream cheese frosting. I'm not sure what else...

The bad thing about brew parties is the guys take over the kitchen and are busy the whole time while the women sit around and eat!!! Next time we are having healthier choices!!!

So this morning I got up and took a walk before the brood was awake. I haven't done that in probably a month. I have really missed that time, but just haven't been able to add in that one more thing. And I have really tried to make healthier choices today. Days like the last 2 are really an anomaly for me, so I am not going to get freaked out by it. I am up a pound since Saturday morning, but I have a feeling it's all salt and alcohol. It does feel good to get back on track today, that's for sure!

Emma is bugging me to go do something in the kitchen with her. Gotta go...

Saturday, September 1, 2007

quick check in

Just ran over to weigh in...I didn't stay for a meeting this morning since I have sooooo much to do and I slept through the early meeting! :P

I did finally have a loss so I am feeling good about that. I have had some much better days. BUT Thursday night was BAD BAD BAD! It was a long hard day...and it just got crazier. I didn't eat much dinner so therefore felt justified in having some ice cream. Well, you know what that means. Polished off more than a half gallon. Not my plan when I started, but I did it. Just like old times....**sigh**.

Yesterday was just crazy busy. I was on the move all day. I'm in the middle of canning tomatoes...tomato paste, tomato sauce, stewed tomatoes. I get really obsessed when it is sitting in my kitchen and end up working on it for 12-14 hours of the day...along with running kids around and trying to keep them fed.

I tried to eat well yesterday. I've done really well with water this week...until yesterday. I did just get the bare minimum in. I guzzled 32 ounces before I went to bed around midnight. Which meant I was up around 2 to pee pee. Then Kelli was in my bed crying over a bad dream at 3:30. No wonder I slept through that alarm at 6!

Gotta go get my water bath canner going!