Wednesday, July 30, 2008

not sure

what plan I am on right now, but it's working. I am really trying to just eat less. Quit the mindless munching. I think WW calls it "think first".

Anyway, it's working. I am back down to a comfortable place again. I thought about calling it done. After all I feel more like me, right? Instead I am going to stick with this plan and really try to lose for the next few weeks. Maybe I can see my personal goal of 152 again.

On another note, I used to run into a wanna be loser in blogland quite a bit last winter. She then decided to write her own blog and really commit to Weight Watchers. I'm not sure what happened, but she quickly disappeared. Today she has posted again here asking for encouragement and help. Go visit her and share your journey with her, will ya please?

I think we all have a unique bond. We know what it's like to hate our bodies, to feel trapped by our flab. But some of me, have come so much closer to having bodies that make us feel good. Even though I am up and down lately, I am still really proud of what I have accomplished. I have been THIN for the last year. I get hit on by the sushi boys at my local grocery store every time I am there. LOVE THAT!

anyway...go visit a friend and tell her she's not alone

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

wish I could say

that I had a great 24 point day with loads of water and fruits and veggies, but I can't.

I can say that I had a day of fruits and veggies. OK with water consumption. But after work I was home and STARVING. I had planned to have some pretzel rods then and save the bulk of my points for chicken and noodles at dinner. But I didn't want pretzels, I needed protein.

I decided that I would be a CORE girl. Maybe my weekends are flex days, but I really liked what I could do on CORE. I had some fat free cottage cheese. Then I had some leftover chicken breast. I felt much better. Satisfied.

Dinner rolled around and I wasn't really hungry. I had some leftover green beans with tomatoes and a few bites of the chicken and noodles (which was CORE btw) and was done. My problem for the day lies with Aleena. She's 12 and loves to bake and experiment in the kitchen like her mama. While I was at Clay's drum lesson she baked brownies in 2 nine inch cake pans. Then she made a peanut butter/cream cheese filling to layer in between those brownies.

I never had one, but I did grab some little nibbles from Jack's plate. They were good, too. I was up till after 10 and hungry again. But I went to bed with a little gnawing inside, and I lived through the night just fine.

Now I'm off to make some eggs.

Monday, July 28, 2008

so I'm back

I'm not sure if it's because of all the baking I've been doing or just not tracking and really eating more than I think or what, but I am up a few MORE pounds. Right around 160 now. Yesterday I got dressed and just didn't like the way I looked in my clothes. I know that I have posted that I still struggle with feeling like my inner fat girl, but this was different. I really felt like I could see all 5 pounds. So I took out my tracker and started back in.

It's funny how I would normally think, my WW week starts on Sarurdays. I have to back track...or just wait till next Saturday. Instead I decided to just start right now where I am.

And how did it go? Not well, my friends. At church in the morning, our neighbors invited us to come over for BBQ later. They served brats and hot dogs, a veggie salad and potato salad. I did OK, but then was dessert.

Another neighbor brought up a triple berry cheesecake. And I brought a cherry cobbler...and ice cream.

Without dessert, my day would have just been a little over. With dessert, even small portions...way over.

I felt gross last night too. Drank a bunch of water and called it a day.

I have a plan for today. I have written in my tracker what I plan to eat and I need to stick to it. I'll keep you posted!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

need some feedback

feeling pretty iffy about the weight thing lately. just when I said I didn't need to do a weight loss blog anymore, huh? I realized that in so many ways I still see myself as a total fatty.

so I posted some pics on my mama blog here. tell me what you think!

Friday, July 11, 2008

movin' on

I originally started this blog after I was spending all my time on my mama blog talking about meetings and points and what not. I decided then that since Weight Watchers was such a HUGE part of my life that I would have a blog specifically for that.

Now that WW is not my top priority and my time is even more limited, I am cutting back. I am thinking about abandoning this blog. I am still on a quest for my inner skinny girl. I still feel like a fat girl. I still would love to eat a pint of ice cream every night. But I am tired of talking about it and blogging about it and hoping you all still give a rip about my flabby belly.

So I am keeping up my mama blog. And I am starting to keep a blog for our family food and recipes. But I am no longer going to post my weekly weigh in or whether or not I went to a meeting. My size 10 shorts fit just fine today. That's all the really matters to me anyway.

So come visit me at one or the other of my new blogs...and update your google reader!

Saturday, July 5, 2008

I've been cheating on you

I admit it. It's not that life has been THAT busy, it's just that I am so addicted to my silly facebook that I use all my computer time there! It has been great to reconnect with friends from high school, college and different seasons of life. But it is very much just a little small talk amongst life in so many ways. There are few really close friends that I know I will get to share more of my life with, but there are many that I just used to know and never really were close to. They will most likely stay in that realm I am sure.

I had a hard time posting a pic of myself there. I wanted it to be just the right one, you know? I finally put a profile pic up and it's odd to hear the comments. "You look the same as college" "You are thinner now than you were 6 years ago when I saw you last"

They don't know the journey I have been on. The roller coaster of trying to learn to live as a thin girl. I was always the rounder girl of my friends. The big size 11 in the midst of the 5's and 7's. And now that I am a 10? It's been hard to get here, not just that I had some babies and got back to where I was before just more womanly or whatever.

In that respect I have missed you all so much. I get tired of talking about what I weigh, if I am losing or maintaining, what I am eating. But I really love having a place to come and be who I am. I am a fat girl trying to figure out how to live in this smaller body. I am still trying to see myself as I am and not as heavy as I used to be. I saw my reflection from a distance one day at Disneyland and thought "I wish I looked like her. She's leaner through the hips than I am and her thighs aren't so heavy." then I realized it was me I was wanting to look like.

I think I need therapy sometimes I tell ya!

So that's all for now. I will be back more often, I promise. I need this space to fully be the person I am trying to become. But right now I gotta go see if someone has written on my wall!