Monday, April 28, 2008

just a quick post

Just wanted to stop by and let you all know that I am still here and still on my journey.

I have been in the worst funk for more than a week. I have struggled with clinical depression and postpartum depression for a really long time. A lot of it is hormone related too. The past 10 days or so have been really bad for me. I told D on Saturday that I just would like to go to bed for a while. Maybe a few days I don't know.

But the thing about life and kids is that I just can't do that. Life keeps going and I have to try to keep up. Saturday was Emma's birthday and I really just wanted her to have a good day. She did. I tried to keep my gunk to myself as much as possible. For the most part, I think I do OK at maintaining.

Then again, my kids might notice that no laundry gets done for days at a time (or all week), I don't do my daily vacuuming and dinner consists of things like eggs, quesadillas and pasta for an entire week with no real effort put into meals.

Not sure where I am going with all of this. I did notice a huge thing the other day though. For years of my life, I have turned to private food binges to try to make myself feel better in times like this one. I had really managed to NOT do that all week last week. I did take the time to feed myself well and didn't eat pints of ice cream or secret cheeseburgers. In fact, I even got McD's for the 2 littles last week for lunch one day and made a salad for me at home instead.

But Saturday I started eating things I shouldn't (like birthday donuts!) and have really struggled all weekend. I want to get back on top of that part of it. There was a sense of pride in knowing that I had really changed the emotional eating aspect of it all. And even though I have struggled all weekend, it's not like it could have been.

Now to just get back OP...and wait for this funk to pass.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008


Anybody still checking in here?!

I can't believe I didn't post anything at all here for over a week! Sorry about that! I wasn't really crazily off plan or anything either. It was just life that was keeping me busy. And I didn't feel like I had much to really say. Or I said it all in the comments I left for some of my favorite bloggers.

I have been sticking with CORE and really enjoying it. I keep checking in with my materials to make sure that it's really a CORE food (like the scrambled eggs I just had with FF salsa and FF sour cream. How can that be so yummy and so on plan?), but it's going OK. I am not seeing any downward movement of the scale though.

I think the biggest reason is that I do great with CORE for a few days and then have a little binge. I'm just not recovering from those like I should. Or tracking them like I should maybe? I'm not tracking really at all, just eating mostly CORE foods when I am hungry. Which is fine to maintain since that is what I am doing. But I would like to lose 5 pounds to get me comfortably in the low 150's again. So I really do need to step it up.

I have been struggling with water again lately too. I'm just barely getting in my 6 glasses. I need more water I know. My friend Kathy encouraged all of her readers to have a Perfect On Play day yesterday. I tried. But I knew it would be a stretch so I tried to just do really well yesterday and decided today would be my perfect day.

Let me explain a little. We had a big ol' brew party here on Sunday. So I spent the day Saturday getting my house picked up and cleaned. D (my hubby) was getting stuff ready and cleaning out the garage (where he brewed this time-and my stove top thanks him for that!) all day too. I had the kids doing stuff with us all day too. Saturday we were supposed to go to a b-day party for the neighbor down the street. It didn't even start til 8 so you know it was definitely a grown up time. Complete with a keg, margarita machine and some nudie male entertainment!

We decided to just finish what we were doing and go when we got done. Since it would be late anyway, the kids would be able to watch a movie and then just go to bed. I was so tired at the end of the day. I asked Aleena (my oldest dd) what she was making for dinner. She told me I was getting pizza. So I ordered from Papa Murphy's. They have take and bake and it's a lot cheaper for my family. I was soooo hungry by that time. So my one piece turned into 2 1/2. I really contemplated picking up a salad while I was picking up the pizza, but I didn't. I should have. We were out of lettuce and I know that would have filled me up. At the party I only had 1 diet coke. No alcohol, no food, no chocolate fondue, no cake. I already felt icky after the pizza.

Sunday I just ate my face off I swear! We had "beer food" like chips and dip and buffalo wings and chips and salsa and meatballs and later fried chicken and brats and nuts and...You get the idea. I just ate a lot and didn't really care about the day. And I drank nothing but diet coke all day. I guess that's good since I didn't drink any beer or other alcohol then either. But I woke up yesterday feeling gross! It had been really windy on Sunday and I was outside all day. My allergies were going crazy. I was retaining water. My face was so bloated and gross looking.

So I didn't aim for perfection yesterday because I knew I wouldn't make it and would be frustrated with myself. I was sooooo very tired. My kids were really tired and crabby. I knew they would be wearing me out too. But other than grabbing a few crumbs of chips and having some saltines in the afternoon (simply because they were there), I did really well staying OP with the food. I only had 4 glasses of water though.

So today is my day to strive for perfection. And I need to stay away from all non-CORE foods for the rest of the week. My menu so far.

Breakfast: shredded wheat and ff milk, banana
scrambled eggs, ff sour cream and salsa

I'll come back later and let you know how the rest of the day shapes up!

I took Jack E for a walk to the park. As soon as we pulled up, he started to cry. "No like this park. Want to go home." I needed the rest but we just headed home. So I got in a 30 minute walk pushing a stroller up and down the hills to the park.

Lunch: (starving after a walk and a run to the grocery store) green olives stuffed with jalapenos
deli turkey
salad with tomato, cucumber, avocado and ff salad dressing

I've had 1 glass of water but I also have had about 16 oz of decaf iced tea so that still counts, right?

So now it's a little after 3 and the kids are going to start making their way in. I finished off my big jug of iced tea (32 oz in all) and have had 24 more oz of water.

Snack: 2 clementines
smoothie/shake made with frozen sweet cherries, FF plain yogurt, FF milk, vanilla extract and a Splenda pack. YUMM!

Grabbed a few more of those olives this afternoon. Then ate the last chip crumbs that were in the bowl from Sunday. It sounded like a good idea. I'm thinking those are the 2 AP's from my walk today.

broiled asian marinated chicken breast
quinoa pilaf with peas/carrots, onion, garlic, ginger and a little tamari
couple bites of green beans (they were icky so none of us are eating them!)

I'm not sure if I'll have a snack tonight or not. I'm not really a big nighttime snacker unless I am having a private binge. Maybe some strawberries and FF yogurt?

Sunday, April 13, 2008


I was supposed to go with my neighbor. I was supposed to go over at 7:20 and she would drive. I was supposed to get up around 7 and get ready.

What happened? I staggered to the bathroom early in the morning and must have turned off my alarm then. I thought I heard children awake and thought "hmmm I wonder what time it is". I dozed. I heard a knock at the front door. Then I heard Trey say, "I'm not sure I'll go ask her." Then the door closed. I dozed.

Yeah, that was my neighbor coming to ask if I was heading out to WW with her. Trey offered to go ask me and she said no let her sleep. I actually stayed in bed until about 8:50 when Kelli came running upstairs SCREAMING that Clay was going to flush her dinky (her beloved and ratty blanket I made her as a baby). Actually she was so hysterical it took me a minute to figure out what she was screaming about.

So anyway. I didn't go to my meeting but instead had one of the rare days where I stay in bed past 7. I only feel a little guilty. The scale has stayed about the same. So with weekly WI's I don't think I really lost any this week. For the week I've had, I am just fine with that. I did start another OP week yesterday and am getting ready to have an OP breakfast. I did some family meal planning yesterday too to make sure I had good CORE choices planned for the week.

So here's to another week OP and hopefully a little loss this week!

Friday, April 11, 2008

staying OP

So I really meant to post yesterday, but then I'm not sure what happened. I have managed to stay pretty well OP this week. The scale has been holding steady at 157 and it's been TOM this week so I am pretty pleased with myself. I feel like I have been incredibly lazy this week. I guess I take a few days off every month so this has been the week for that. :o) And I have a NASTY case of impetigo on my nose. I finally got a prescription for doxycyclene yesterday. I can already tell it's better.

So I have no big news to report here. I'm not rockin' CORE as much this week, but all things considered, I'm doing OK. I really cannot believe the difference in how I feel about food and eating and binges and being on or off plan with CORE. I know I have had WAY more than my 35 WPA's this week. But I also know that I am pulling myself in a lot more quickly now than I did a few weeks ago.

A couple of nights ago I really wanted chocolate ice cream or something. I probably have some ice cream in the freezer right now. Instead I sat (while I was knitting) and thought about how I could mix up one of those chocolate WW smoothies with some FF yogurt and if it would be ice cream-ish enough to satisfy the craving. I ended up never making it or having any ice cream either. I was too busy knitting. But I think the fact that I knew it was totally OK if I wanted it made it less appealing. Some of you may have NO idea what I am talking about. But I know others of you are just as wacky with eating issues as I am. If it had been a FLEX day and I was over my DPA (like usual) then I would have obsessed over the ice cream and had it probably just because I shouldn't have. But since it was totally OK, it didn't seem like such a great idea.

Then again, since I don't eat many simple carbs these days, my cravings are a lot different too. I don't have so many cravings really. And I even just enjoy the food without adding artificial sweeteners too. Like my shredded mini wheats for breakfast. They are NOT the same without that yummy little frosting on top, but it really is kind of good once I got used to it. And the other day I had my plain FF yogurt with a sliced banana and sliced strawberries. I thought I might put a packet of splenda on, but then decided it was OK as is.

OK, I'm starting to ramble now. Just wanted to check in and say I'm doing OK this week. I'm not sure if I will go to my meeting in the morning or not. It kind of depends on how my impetigo looks. It looks pretty icky right now. Very red and sore and scabby looking. But smaller than yesterday. :o) But if my neighbor wants to go again in the morning, I may just go with her to help her stay motivated. I'll let you know! I know you can't wait to hear what I do! LOL

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

slow cooker chicken taco soup

Here's the recipe.

slow cooker chicken taco soup

1 onion chopped
1 16 oz can chili beans
1 15 oz can black beans
1 15 oz can corn
1 8 oz can tomato sauce
1 12 oz beer
2 10 oz cans diced tomatoes with chiles

Combine the above in a slow cooker. Stir in 1 package taco seasoning mix. Place 3 diced chicken breasts on top. Cook on low for 5 hours. Makes 8 servings.

OK, so I just realized that there's a beer in there. I'm sure you could sub chicken broth or even water or just leave it out for a thicker soup. And the taco seasoning mix, I buy them when they are on sale for 29¢ so I usually have some on hand. We serve it with the standard cheese and sour cream and crushed chips. To keep it CORE, I used FF sour cream and just no cheese. I did use about 1 point worth of chips on mine. It is so good with the chips.

I think it came out to 5 points/serving when I did all the nutritional info stuff. I don't have etools anymore so I couldn't run it through the recipe builder. I also add and extra can or 2 of beans for my family to stretch it out. And I just use whatever beans I have on hand that day.

Let me know if you like it!

Monday, April 7, 2008

just a quick post

Just a quick post this morning to tell you all it was a great weekend. Saturday got a little away from me and I wound up using more of my flex points than I wanted to. Aleena made nachos in the afternoon while she was doing her homework. I helped her with both. :o)

Then I made homemade pizza for dinner that night. I just had one slice since I was feeling a little icky from the chips and cheese. And I had a salad with it. The great thing about CORE is that even if I eat too much in the afternoon like I did, I can still be sensible about the rest of the day and feel OP instead of ending the day with such a huge deficit on my points tracker. I think it really helps me to feel more in control.

Then yesterday was a crazy busy one. I was up before 7 and had a soup in the crock pot for after church. I will totally post that recipe later. It's really just dump a bunch of stuff in the crock pot, but it was all CORE and really satisfying and the whole family loved it. Then I went to the grocery store. I hadn't been in over a week so I totally needed to stock up, but our store has been undergoing a renovation so everything is in a new spot. I wanted to be alone while I tried to navigate my way. That meant 7 am on Sunday morning. Ran home, unloaded groceries, made sure everyone was getting ready for church, got myself ready and we were out the door by 9:30.

We ran home after church and had our soup. I was starving so I had 2 bowls. Then Aleena and I were off to a Jafra party. It was a fun mother daughter thing. We even booked our own party (a mother daughter skin care party) for May 3.

We were finally home just before 5. I helped D do some stuff with his beer. Then I finally was done for the day. It was so nice to plop on the couch at 7:30 last night. I totally wanted some of the leftover pizza that the family was eating though. My salad had been yummy and satisfying (with hard cooked egg and half an avocado with the other veggies!) but I just wanted pizza. I opted for a boca burger with ketchup and mustard instead. Not quite the same, but I made myself be done.

I really wanted to not use any flex points yesterday and I almost made it! I did use 1 for some crushed chips on my soup at lunch, but other that that I ROCK! Because I was running all day, I drank too much diet coke and not enough water. But it felt really good to know that was my only real downfall for the day.

And can I just tell you that my jeans feel so much better when I am not totally squeezing into them!!!

Have a great day!

Saturday, April 5, 2008

finally made it

I finally made it back to my meeting this week. I was really tempted to stay in bed this morning. But Kelli and her harmonica had other plans. *sigh* A quick peek on the scale told me I wouldn't get on the WW scale today and risk having to pay them. I do finally feel like I will be back in my free zone this week so I'll plan to be official and weigh in next week.

Our meeting was about emotional eating today, especially the emotion of STRESS eating. I know that is a huge area of struggle for me. I have learned to really stop and ask myself if it will make me feel better to eat that treat or not. The answer is always no, but sometimes I decide to gobble it up anyway. I do often grab a diet Coke in those moments too. That's one of the ways I know it's such an addiction for me. I take a guzzle and feel more in control and better able to deal with whatever is bugging me. Yep, that would be a sure sign of addiction right there, huh? Good thing there's nothing else in that diet Coke, huh?

On the CORE front, I am still doing awesome. Yesterday afternoon I did have that "I just want to eat something" feeling. I had a little piece of cranberry bread (which is getting pretty dry by now) and it made me want MORE so I stopped and decided I needed to get away from the kitchen. I made the kids spaghetti last night for dinner but since I had had a baked potato topped with chili for lunch, I knew I needed something else for me. I made a frittata with onions and peppers and zucchini and grape tomatoes and fat free feta. So yummy. Sometimes I feel like I am doing a low carb thing again, but then realize that I can still have those "forbidden" foods just in moderation. And some of those forbidden foods aren't forbidden at all. Like hot cereal. yum!

So my plan is to track what I eat and really aim to stay within my 35 WPA this week. Once I get down to 152 again, I will officially go back into maintain mode and up my WPA to 63. That is A LOT of WPA. I can hardly wait! LOL I really like the idea of not counting and not having limits. I think that was hard for me before. I wouldn't feel full after eating my good FLEX meal so I would overeat on things I shouldn't. Now I know if I am still hungry after 20 minutes I'll just find something else to eat keeping in mind the 8 GHG's. I'm much less tempted to eat things I shouldn't when I know I have lots of good choices available to me.

Friday, April 4, 2008

starting day 3

I cannot believe how different I feel only on my 3rd morning of CORE. Because I was baffled by what a person could possibly find to eat, let me share my menu from yesterday.

Bear Mush (kind of like cream of wheat)
steamed brussels sprouts
chili (the one I posted about with beans and TVP) with sour cream 2 bowls *blush*
WW chocolate muffin (it was in the freezer and I just wanted a treat. miraculously I was MORE than satisfied with that treat)
bites of grapefruit I was cutting for the kids
salad with hard cooked eggs, tomato, cucumber, lettuce mix and FF dressing (still trying to determine if it's CORE or not)
2 glasses of FF milk

I am surprised at how little I ate. I mean after lunch I had that muffin because I was hungry and it was the time of day I normally binge. The day before I had had popcorn in that time slot. It really is freeing to know I can eat whenever I am hungry as long as I choose wisely. And I can't believe I had 2 cups of milk last night. It's been years since I did that. I was probably pregnant with someone the last time I really just drank milk. but I know it's good for me and I should drink it, but I never wanted to use points on milk. Instead I would use them on junk!

So just wanted to check in with you and let you know that I am doing great.

And the scale? It was 160.4 on Wednesday morning. This morning it said 157.4. That might be my favorite part!!! **grin**

Thursday, April 3, 2008


It's kind of chilly today and gray and a little rainy. So I decided to make a pot of this for lunch today. Yummy! I'll be topping it with some sour cream. And I might put it over a baked potato even. The recipe calls for a teaspoon of sugar. That part isn't CORE so I just left it out. I figure, what good is ONE teaspoon of sugar going to do in a pot of chili?

This is kind of fun. Then again, I need to get out my first week's book and make sure I am following the rules as I should.

So I made the switch!

Tuesday just felt more and more out of control. I was eating whatever was easy and not really thinking if I was even hungry or not. I decided that night that I would try CORE for the rest of the week. I know with WW's we're not supposed to switch mid-week, but they say it's OK for maintenance. Even though I am trying to lose, well...whatever!

So I did it. Yesterday I was trying to figure out what to take to work for lunch so I just grabbed a couple of hard boiled eggs. And some carrots and mango and clementines. I'd had cottage cheese for breakfast. I was hungry when I got home, so I had a boca burger with some ketchup and mustard and some grapes. Then later when Emma got home from school (since everyone else was home sick!), I had some FF popcorn. I was hungry last night for something. Something like a mexi-melt from Taco Bell in fact. I've been craving one of those for DAYS now.

Instead I had some scrambled eggs with salsa and sour cream. The cranberry bread that had been sitting on the counter all day calling to me finally got a little of my attention after that. But I was proud of myself for only having a little bit after I had eaten my other stuff. I hadn't eaten dinner since with all the sick kids, the ones who felt like it kind of just picked. And Jack E was SO fussy and demanding my time.

So all in all my first day on CORE was a success. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be at all. And I really wanted to be able to eat without setting limits for myself. I know that with FLEX, there is not food that is off limits and all that, but to me it seems like a little of the wrong food just leaves me wanting more and more. And since it's so easy to justify the first bite if I have the points for it, I wind up having too much and going way off plan.

This morning I had my bear mush for breakfast. Yummy. And I had a few grapes. I think knowing that I can eat something from my list no matter where I sit points wise is a good move for my psyche if nothing else.

And looking back, I realized that I didn't even get to my 23 points yesterday. It's been a LONG time since I came in under my DPA.

I do have to confess to not REALLY following the true plan yesterday. My cottage cheese was 1% and not fat free. And my sour cream was reduced fat and not fat free. But I'm thinking that that wasn't a good enough reason to not make the switch. When I shop this weekend, I'll get the right stuff, but for the next couple of days I'm just almost there.