Thursday, January 31, 2008

wish I could say it was better

I don't know what the deal is for me lately. Who am I kidding? It's not just lately. I've been off plan since Christmas. I just can't seem to get it together again.

This week I have just been choosing junk. I've been eating too much. Eating out of boredom. Out of frustration. (Sorry if I'm deflating your idea that I live a serene and peaceful life in this house with 6 kids!) And I haven't been sticking to the limits I know I should.

My jeans fit so I feel like I can just do what I want.

Guesss I still need to keep looking for my inner skinny girl, cause it's her fat sister that's plopped on the couch right now!

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

why did I do that?

Last night after dinner the kids were having ice cream to celebrate Aleena's birthday. I served them all a bowl but didn't make one for me. I didn't need to eat ice cream after all!

Instead of having a sensible portion, I just sat there picking out of the cartons while I talked to them. Instead of having a "portion" I just picked. And ate a LOT of ice cream in the process.

Why did I do that?!?!?!?!?!?!

On to today. Today is Clay,my middle son's, 9th birthday. This morning I made him a triple batch of his favorite banana chocolate chip muffins. One batch for the family and the other 2 batches to take to school for snack. Aleena was proud of me for using granulated sugar and unbleached flour instead of sucanat and freshly milled whole grain flour! Wouldn't want to embarrass my children by making them take healthy food to school. Then again, these muffins are pretty healthy. They are interesting to me because the recipe is 30 years old and not quite what I would find today. You can read more about that here.

But I ate 2 of the muffins. Does it count as a whole muffin if Kelli takes a few bites and then deems it "gwoss"? Then she did the same thing 10 minutes later! I took it upon myself to finish them off for her. Not a great moment since I just gobbled them down. No "thinking first" for me! I really want to salvage this day and this week on the WW front. I know how easy it is to have a bad day and just let that keep going until I have gained 10 pounds. That's not an option.

For dinner tonight it's spaghetti and meatballs. Yes, it's what my 9 year old picked for his birthday dinner. This time I'll be more proactive and make a big salad too. There will be ice cream tonight too. And I think I will make some of Kate's chocolate chocolate chip muffins to go with them. Then I can plan on a 4 point dessert and plan my day around that. Instead of just picking at the ice cream and going overboard.

Gotta go change a poop! And scrub the floors and do laundry. Don't you just wish you were ME???

Monday, January 28, 2008

slippery slope

I can't believe I haven't been here in over a week. Well actually I was messing around the 2 littles the other night and we put a pic in the side bar. But other than that I have been busy!

And I haven't been journalling like I should either. Mainly just yesterday and today. Today is my oldest daughter's 12th birthday. I can't believe she is 12 already! But I made her a Dutch baby for breakfast this morning and then ate way too much of it. The rest of the morning was fine. And afternoon has been OK. I just feel like I am not staying super accountable to WW right now.

Maybe because I totally skipped my meeting on Saturday? My hubby decided to not work that day (he's started doing construction type work that is much more physically demanding-and pays better!) and I decided to stay in bed as long as possible too. I've been getting up between 5:30 and 6 each day so it felt sooo amazing to stay in bed til after 8. But maybe without that check in and then the lack of blogging I feel just a little off.

A couple of NSV's to share:

last week in a moment of stress, I stopped at a gas station to get a diet Coke. I bought the 2 littles with me some cookies and I bought myself some peanut butter M&M's. I didn't eat the M&M's. Instead I ate a muffin leftover from lunch (homemade oatmeal muffin=3pts) and gave the M&M's to my oldest when she got home from middle school!

I have been eating too much for breakfast. Like 8 points worth of waffles or toast and the like. I eat my lunch around 11:30 and then a big snack in the afternoon. By dinner I have just a few points left. But guess what? I'm not really hungry so just eat a little dinner. Imagine that! Listening to my body when it knows it's had enough calories for the day.

I'll try to post more this week since even this little one has made me feel better!

Happy Monday...and happy birthday dear Aleena!

Sunday, January 20, 2008

I switched to CORE

...for about an hour yesterday. I was running into the market for a few things yesterday. They had their soups on sale. I LOVE soups, but can never really get into canned ones. I decided I'd go home and make some chicken and barley veggie soup. I got some barley from the bulk bin and went home.

While it was simmering on the stove, I put all the ingredients through the recipe builder on WW. I was already thinking about CORE since we had talked a lot about it in the WW meeting earlier. Our leader was just encouraging us to eat more CORE foods since they are the healthier options anyway. I really was considering making that leap.

After I had all my ingredients in the recipe builder, I realized they all had the little blue checkmark by them to denote they were all CORE foods. I ate a bowl of the soup and thought, 'yep, I can do this. No more counting every little thing. Just stick to the list."

I cleaned up the mess from making soup and what was my next venture in the kitchen? Dinner. Ham. Roasted root vegetables. Corn. And BREAD. That was the clincher. I switched back to flex then and there.

I know that processed foods are NOT good for you. TURST ME I know that baked stuff makes me crave more and more of it. But that's not what I am talking about here. Last night with our dinner we had a loaf of wheat germ bread. It had freshly groud whole wheat flour (soft white, hard red and spelt), honey, molasses, yeast, water, olive oil, buttermilk and wheat germ in it. It was dark and rich and so good with dinner. I didn't put it through the recipe builder because it's not so different from the other wheat breads I have done that all came out at 3 points/slice. I'm not sure if that is giving me the max for fiber or not, because I KNOW this flour has way more fiber than the flour at the store.

But I really love baking. I love giving that to my family, too. How can I walk away from that now? I know I can use my WPA for that on CORE and maybe I'll decide to do that. But I also adore my vanilla Fat Free yogurt. It has no artificial sweetners so it costs me a point more than yoplait, but I think that's OK.

I should say that although I went to a meeting yesterday morning, I didn't weigh in. I know I'm probably up a little again. It's been TOM (again-what's with every 2 weeks?!) and I just slacked off on my water last week really badly. I am still a few (like 3-4) pounds about where I really want to be. I decided that I am going to really buckle down for 2 weeks, getting all my water and staying within my points. At that point I should be down a little and can try to be just "maintaining" again. I really haven't been in losing mode since sometime in November. That would be OK if I didn't gain those pounds during the week of Christmas. I really would like them GONE. Just so I can feel that sense of accomplishment that I really have lost the weight.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

grinding for pizza

Like I said earlier I got a grain mill for Christmas this year. (mine didn't cost that much either!) I have been really unsure of how to start using it. I've been looking online at different resources. I've ordered some books online. But still, it just sat there.

Yesterday was one of those days where I just couldn't get motivated to do anything. I needed to take the 2 little ones with me to pay our car registrations and I was putting that off. Then I got inspired about a dinner idea. I decided to make some chicken and dumplings and a loaf of bread to go with it. Then I would finally get to use my mill.

Then I realized that my afternoon was not conducive to baking bread. I had to pick Trey up from band at 4, give his friend a ride home, take Trey to guitar lessons, wait that 30 minutes and get home a little after 5. Not a good day to be baking bread.

Then I decided on pizza! I still got to grind some flour to make crust and I had plenty of time to let that dough just sit and rise while I was out and about. I ground extra for pancakes this morning and a loaf of bread to make later today too.

Kathy asked me the other day if I had a whole wheat pizza crust. I realized it had been a while since I'd used it, but I do have one I love. And yesterday I got to try it out with fresh milled flour!

The recipe comes from allrecipes and I have tweaked it a little. It starts by proofing the yeast (1 Tablespoon) in 1 1/2 cups warm water (110 F/45C) and 1 teaspoon honey. That needs to sit for about 10 minutes or until foamy. Then stir in 1 Tbsp olive oil, 1 tsp salt, and 3 cups whole wheat flour. (Since I milled my own, I used a mixture of hard red wheat and soft white on the medium setting. It really looks like all purpose flour when it's dry, but it looks like a white and wheat mix when I start using it.)

I stirred that together with my stand mixer using speed 2 for about 3 minutes. Then I added another cup of flour. The original recipe only calls for a half cup at that point but mine just still seemed too wet. I let the mixer knead that for about another 6 minutes until it was smooth and away from the sides of the bowl.

I let it rise for just over an hour. Then formed it into 2 rounds, covered it again and let it rise about another 45 minutes.

I used 2 large cookie sheets to pat the dough out on. I pricked the crust all over with a fork and prebaked about 5 minutes at 425. Then I topped the pizzas with home canned sauce (that's why I spent an entire weekend putting up tomatoes after all!) and cheese. And the boys got sausage, onions and peppers and pepperoni on theirs, too.

Putting that through the recipe builder, 8 servings of just the crust is 4 points. I'm all about the sauce for my pizza, so just a little cheese is fine with me. If you like meater toppings, it will be more.

For me, again the awesome part of this is that I made the crust and know exactly what it has in it. I also know from grinding the wheat myself that it still has the most nutrients from the wheat in it too. I'm really excited to learn more about the grinding aspect of it all. The pancakes this morning were awesome too. They were so light and fluffy, not like I would expect ww pancakes to be. Kelli doesn't like "brown" pancakes (her words for my homemade buckwheat pancakes) and she was a little skeptical but ended up loving these pancakes today!

Today is grocery shopping. And I realize that I will probably need to go to 2 stores today. I need a few things from the regular store, but I also really want to go to Sunflower again and get more sugar alternatives. It depends on how cold it really is out there I guess!

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

I'm a snob

I was reading one of the more popular WW blogs this morning and looking at one of the recipes there. I find myself thinking, "why that ingredient and not something fresher? why not a homemade sauce instead of a can of soup?" Yeah, I'm a total snot for thinking this way. I like to cook a certain way. I have certain weird food issues that the rest of the world doesn't necessarily hold. But I need to be OK with the fact that we are all in our paths to health.

I have guilt when I eat my organic baby carrots. Why? Because we have a farm share and I should be doing something with my fresh carrots. I have guilt when my kids eat waffles made from a mix in the morning and not made from scratch. Don't get me started with how I feel when they eat frozen store brand waffles! I am totally going through a little mini crisis right now with how I feel about white flour and refined sugars and processed foods.

The total irony in all of this is the fact that I am totally addicted to diet Coke. I feel MUCH guilt about that these days too!

I made quinoa for hot cereal yesterday morning. NOT a success. It has a really savory flavor that is great for some things, but not for a hot cereal. At least not in our house.

Last night for dinner, I copied one of Kathy's recipes for a stuffed cabbage casserole. This past summer I made stuffed peppers with all the peppers we had around. My kids thought what I thought as a kid. The filling was good, but not the pepper. Since stuffed cabbage leaves are a similar thing, I thought they would like this casserole. They totally loved it. The big boys (including hubby) had 3 helpings while even Emma had seconds. This is how I prepared it.

I started a cup of brown rice cooking while I chopped the cabbage. I used half of a really large head. I cooked the chopped cabbage like Kathy recommends in a pot of boiling salted water for 10 minutes. I drained it and put in back in the hot pot to help it dry out. In a mixing bowl (because I have 2 nasty paper cuts so I didn't mix by hand) I combined a pound of lean ground beef and pound of ground pork, about 4 tablespoons of tomato paste, some diced onion, salt and pepper and the cooked brown rice. (I took the rice out when it was still a little firm since I knew it would continue to cook a little in the oven.) I mixed the cabbage with the meat mixture and put it into a greased casserole dish. I used a 10x14 rectangular dish. I poured 2 pint jars of italian tomato sauce and 1 pint of stewed tomatoes over the top. Baked at 375 for about 90 minutes.

Like I said, it was a total hit at my house. I put it through the recipe builder this morning on the WW site and came out with 6 points/serving when I used 12 servings for this recipe. Not bad considering I wasn't aiming for a low fat or low cal food. Ground pork with ground beef is so rich tasting. We totally love that here. And I like knowing that I know where every bit of that food came from-except the rice. All my food had a face. That's important to me I guess. I guess that's why I spend so much time canning tomatoes and freezing corn and making pickles and jams and learning about whole grains and baking bread.

Now if I could only figure out what to do about that diet Coke addiction. *sigh*

Sunday, January 13, 2008

weekend wrap up

It's been a good one even if I didn't get all caught up with my laundry! We had some friends over for dinner last night. We just grilled burgers, I made some oven fries, a friend brought a green salad and I made the Greek quinoa from this site. We really liked it.

I wasn't sure what I was doing with it, but I toasted the rinsed and soaked grains in a little olive oil for about 5 minutes. Then I added broth to the saucepan and brought it to a boil. I added a little salt then too. I covered it and simmered about 20 minutes or so. Then I mixed up the other salad stuff with the grains, the quartered grape tomatoes, cucumber pieces, a little diced red onion, crumbled RF feta, about 1 teaspoon of dill and a splash of lemon juice. That was it! I stuck it in the fridge for a few hours to let the flavors blend.

Tomorrow I am making a hot cereal with quinoa from that same site. We'll see how everyone likes it. Aleena and I love hot cereals. The other kids like instant oatmeal or things like maple or chocolate malt o meal. I have a feeling I will really like the cereal. And I can imagine it will be quite filling. I bought my quinoa at my local market for $1.49/pound. I just dumped a good amount into the bag from the bulk bin. I got exactly $2.50 worth. Last night's salad barely made a dent in my supply. That's cool! A lot of grain for a little money.

I am really looking more at grains this year. I got a grain mill for Christmas and I am really excited about that but also a little nervous. I ordered some books online on Saturday to learn more about it. I made all of our bread a few years ago. There is nothing like toast from homemade bread I tell ya! And it really isn't a difficult process with my stand mixer. Plus I love knowing what we are eating. There are so many additives in bread. And it's not expensive to make at home. So why not?

Last night I ate pretty well. I know that I usually eat most of my flexies on the weekend so I don't worry too much about it. I ate well, enjoyed myself and didn't have any dessert! :o)

This morning at church we had "big table" which is just where we basically do pot luck with snacks and sit around tables. I made honey oatmeal bread this morning before we left and grabbed a few different kinds of homemade jam to go with it. I indulged and had a slice of bread with pear butter. OMG if I don't say so myself!!! LOL Then we went to Wahoo's for lunch. Other than chips, pretty easy to stay OP there. Chicken tortilla soup and a grilled fish taco. YUM!

Today at church we were talking about something and Hugh our pastor dude asked Jen about working with her personal trainer. She talked a little about her workouts and what she eats. Sunday's are free days, but every other day...egg whites, chicken breast and green beans.

Um, I think I would last like a week on that. Who cares if Sunday's are free days? Food is good! Why would I want to restrict myself like that?! That would NOT be the plan for me!!!

Jen has lost 45 pounds and looks great. In fact, then I felt a little insecure. I've only lost 38 pounds after all. Maybe if I only eat egg whites and green beans and chicken breast I can lose some more.

No thanks!

And in case you were wondering (Swizzlepop), my leader has been really apologetic about the doctor letter thing. She didn't ever realize when I decided to start maintenance how un-tall I was. In fact when she went to fill in my final paperwork, she thought I was 5'6" which would make 155 OK. When I said I was 5'4" she felt so bad for not realizing it. And for WW's paperwork, they need my goal weight to be approved by my doctor before I actually call it my goal weight.

Screwy paper work stuff.

Off to chill on the couch for a Sunday night!

Saturday, January 12, 2008

got my gold card!

If you haven't seen them, the little membership card you get with lifetime at WW has gold on it. I got my card today even though I still didn't turn in my doctor's note. I got one, but I need to have one dater BEFORE I started like some time back in November. I'm going to feel like such an idiot calling the doctor this week asking for that, but whatever!

So I have weighed in for January as a Lifetime member. Feels strange honestly. It also felt strange to be sitting between 2 second weekers knowing they must be feeling funny sitting next to the thin girl when they are still both really heavy. At least that's how I used to feel. I guess I had a lot of insecurities about being overweight. They are still lurking back there, like I really am not very thin yet. I mean a size 10 is hardly tiny, right?

Yeah I still have my issues. But I am really trying to deal with them. That's why it's so great that I can still go to WW each week and learn how to live in this new body. There are quite a few lifetimers in my meeting. One woman for 3 years, another for 9 years and one for 30 years. That's amazing to me. I want to be one of those women.

I had a woman come up to me after the meeting today and ask if I was the one who showed my size 18 jeans last week. She told me that really hit her because she is a size 18 and can only dream of being a size 10. She asked how long it took me. I honestly told her almost 11 months. I had a lifetime of bad habits to break. My neighbor was always so great at reminding me that I didn't gain the weight overnight so I shouldn't expect to lose it quickly. So true and so hard to deal with. I've had the quick fix diet before...the 3 day diet, slim fast, fat burner pills, low carb plans. None of those were a suitable way to live my life. WW has been that answer for me.

Well this day is slowing getting away from me. We are having people over for burgers tonight so I need to get things in gear! And I am making a salad with my newly purchased quinoa...I'm joining the club!

Happy weekend!

Thursday, January 10, 2008

no wonder it wasn't working!

I have really been trying to get my holiday weight gain back off for the past week and a half or so. I put on about 4 pounds or so from my lowest weight in the past couple of months and I really do kind of feel it. Weird huh, since I've lived most of the past 15 years way above this weight.

Anyway. I jumped on the scale yesterday morning knowing that I had had 2 really great OP days before that with lots of water to flush out my Sunday excursion to FatBurger. I wasn't down hardly at all. Like from 156.4 to 156 even. WHAT THE HECK?!?!

I was thinking, I've had my water, I've gotten in my fruits and veggies well and my dairy servings and had adequate protein (meaning that the points I've consumed were healthy foods and not just junk) and I've stuck to my DPA. Plus I cut back one point from last week.

That's when it hit me. Before I hit goal, I was at a DPA of 23. With maintenance I added 4 to give me 27. I thought I'd back off ONE point for this week to see a loss. Um, I'm still maintaining because I am still eating way above what I should be to lose!

Yesterday I backed it back down to 23 points for the day. Well, I did go over by one, but I can probably deal with that since I took care of 4 kids ages 4 and under for a good chunk of the day. That meant that most of the day I was carrying around at least one other 20 pound body.

So here's hoping to see those pounds melt away now that I have finally figured out how much I should be eating each day. And making myself start my day with water is really working well for me. I have told myself that I at least have to get in 32 oz before I drink a coke (diet of course!!!) and I've done it. This morning I really did not want to chug my water bottle, but I did and I felt so much better. Also, I'm usually starving in the morning so by drinking all that water then eating something small, I am satisfied for a while and not munching while the kids get ready for school. It's hard not to clean up after them all the time. That was a big part of my weight gains in the past I'm sure.

Well, that vacuum cleaner is calling my name. Don't you wish you were me? Spending your day doing laundry and picking up toys and vacuuming and feeding small children and wiping bottoms? Then again, I get in a lot of activity that way!

Tuesday, January 8, 2008


I found this veggie dip at our local market and I am in LOVE with it. It's a veggie dip that has roasted red peppers, tomatoes, carrots, sunflower oil, sugar, parsley and spices. It is so good on jicama strips or cucumber slices. It has 40 calories and 3 g of fat per serving. I totally want to learn how to make it since I have most of those ingredients from our farm share each summer. Of course I'll try to get less fat in my version. And the thing about it is this dip feels more like eating veggies than like a sour cream based one.

I am feeling pretty good today. When I first got up this morning, the bridge of my nose was pretty swollen. But now I don't look too bad. Other than the strips of tape by my eyebrow!

And I am happy to say that I have gotten in my water today. 64 oz so far and I'm sure I'll get some more in later, too.

Notice Kelli sneaking in the back of the pic!

Monday, January 7, 2008

best laid plans

My plans for today after work:

Gas in my truck and maybe a quick carwash
Pick up a prescription
Go to the post office and mail 3 boxes

What happened instead?

I left work at 12:20 (an hour or so early) after bashing my head on the back of a dining chair (as I bent over to pick something up). I then dropped my 2 youngest kids off with the neighbor and headed to the doctor's office to get some glue and tape over my injury.

But I have gotten in 104 oz of water today!

Sunday, January 6, 2008


I have gone from the person who was easily drinking 3 or 4 32 oz bottles of water a day (I'm a refiller not individual bottles) to the person who didn't even get in her 48 oz yesterday. My leader shared that she has also been struggling with water lately. So she has a deal with herself. No Starbucks until her water is in.

Since I'm not a coffee girl, but a diet Coke junkie, I am telling myself that I can't have my morning diet Coke until I have gotten in my 48 oz of water. I'm posting it here so you can all help me be accountable. I am drinking my coke right now (I learned that in CA-all soda is coke, but what kind of coke do you like to drink? Dr. Pepper? Sprite? Diet Coke? LOL) because I guzzled down that 48 oz this morning.

Now it's potty time! LOL

Saturday, January 5, 2008

paying it forward blogger style

I started reading a new to me blog this week. She is prompting us bloggers to pay it forward in a crafty way. You can read about hers here or here.

So if you are crafty or would like to give it a try, you leave me a comment. The first 3 takers I get I will send something to at an address you provide to me privately.

Am I making any sense? Jack E is in and out of my lap. Is it almost bedtime, please oh please?!?!


I did it!!! I have achieved that lifetime goal! In so many ways I am so excited.

But it is a bummer to be up above my goal if only by .4. I really liked being in that 152-153 range. And my leader told me as I was doing my final WI that I need a doctor note since I am only 5'4" and I am above the WW weight range for my height. That kind of took the wind out of my sails to say the least.

Then there's the fact that I have a icky headache today. I had a sebacious cyst removed from my scalp yesterday and I think I still have a little headache from the meds the doctor used to numb the spot. I'd really love to just sit and knit today but I really have got to get that silly Christmas tree OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!

Here I sit finally achieving a goal that I set out on over 13 months and just want to complain. Need to work on that, huh?!

Shopping yesterday with Aleena was good. It felt really good to try on clothes that I didn't think looked good on me and be able to blame the clothes for just not being right and not hating my body underneath the clothes. Did that make sense? And lunch was AWESOME! Most of the people around us were ordering these big bowls with meat andveggies and rice and sauce, but we stuck to our plan of soup, cucmber salad, edamame and sushi. Totally HUGE lunch for 10 points...and it was a treat to eat food that is totally out of the norm for us.

That tree is calling my name and I just can't ignore it all day.

Friday, January 4, 2008

better today

I think I had a little epiphany again. I was feeling so discouraged about the scale yesterday. But I finally had a day of really staying OP. I did go a little over my daily points yesterday, but that's because I ate a ton of salad at a friend's house for dinner last night. And I just had a little nibble of dessert. Thank goodness for Jack E who still likes to give mama a bite.

But I realized somewhere in all of that, that I really can't control what the scale says. I can't control if it goes up or down. I can only control what goes into my mouth. If the right things go into my mouth consistently, then the scale will go down. Eventually. It may not happen as quickly as I want it to (ie, overnight), but it will go back down.

Having an OP day gave me the shot in the arm that I needed. TOM is in full swing and I feel AWFUL today. But I am not going to comfort myself with crappy food. Aleena and I have planned on doing a little girls' day out today. We will shop for a while this morning and have lunch at Tokyo Joe's. Looking online at their menu, I think I choose to have a cup of miso soup, split some edamame with Aleena, sunomo and a veggie roll. And I may have another salad thing. Or I may splurge and have Joe's roll.

Feels so good to be able to plan a big splurge like that on food I LOVE!

Hope you all have a great day. I'm off to medicate a little more!

Thursday, January 3, 2008

eating what I love

I just had a yummy HUGE salad for lunch. I'm one of those people who totally loves big, full of stuff, restaurant salads. So why do I always make totally boring ones ar home and then wonder why it's so unappetizing

I still remember hanging out with my girlfriend one day at her house with our kids. We had both recently had our 3rd babies and the older kids were playing and eating mac and cheese for lunch. She offered to make us a salad. We were both starting to try out the low carb thing that our hubbies were having success with so she threw in the bacon and cheese with abandon. But I remember just being surprised that she would go to so much trouble to make a salad for lunch. But it tasted so good. And we felt like we were having a meal together instead of just grazing like rabbits.

So I always think of her when I take the time to actually prepare something for myself in the middle of the day. The end reward is so worth the little bit of effort that I put into it.

The scale was not kind this morning. After being at 155 yesterday morning, today I am at 156.8. Totally bummed about that lemme tell ya! I really felt like I did so much better yesterday. But I'm also having some TOM feelings so maybe that is my problem? I really want to just eat with no thought for the weight it will pack on. I want to CHOW DOWN!!! I told you that has always been my pattern before. I would lose 20-25 pounds, then gain 4 or 5 and soon it was a gain of 15-20 pounds. yeah, I would be right back where I started.

My struggle now is that I have gained some. My body seems to want to gain more. I guess it is much more used to 170 or 180 than 150. I can't give up and give in. All my pants are now size 10 and they would so totally not fit if I went back. So here I am just hanging in and hanging on! I'm gonna go guzzle some water I think.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

new year and new starts

How many people do you think are starting a diet today? I'm sure there are way more starting today than will still be following their plan in 2 months. And we all know the reason for that. We want a quick fix. We want to lose 15 pounds in 2 weeks. We want someone to tell us what we can and can't have. We want it to feel strict so we know it's working. After all, if we aren't starving and feeling deprived how can we really be losing weight?

I've only done a handful of the extreme diet things. In high school I loved that 3 day diet. I would eat things like a boiled egg and 5 crackers for breakfast and lunch. But every night there was a half cup of vanilla ice cream. LOVED that part. And it was only 3 days and I would lose like 6 or 7 pounds in that time. And I was 17 so of course it worked!

After D and I got married (and I gained about 45 pounds) I did the slim fast thing. I would do 2 shakes a day and eat a regular dinner. I was pretty successful with that, too. I lost a good 20-25 pounds. I discovered jogging and started riding my bike every afternoon. Then I got pregnant for the first time. I had awful morning sickness and spent a couple of months lying on the couch doing very little. I didn't go crazy foodwise but I did gain about 30 pounds.

Then I spent the next 3 years pregnant. We did literally have our third child the day after our oldest turned 3. I never really lost all the baby weight from those babies. So I was up near 200 pounds again. D had started doing a really strict Atkins thing. I decided to try that after I weaned Clay. I did lose about 25 pounds that way. Then I got pregnant with Emma six months later and proceeded to gain 13 pounds in the month after I took the test till I saw the midwife for the first time. I was so convinced I would never eat another baked good that I had to eat at least one muffin every day. Then there was the Krispy Kreme between my house and my job!

The one thing that is constant in all of those diet plans is the lack of wiggle room. I never learned how to have a little treat and move on from that. I didn't know how to plan for events beyond my control so I was either on my diet or off my diet.

And none of those plans addressed my emotional eating out of eating carbs in the afternoon because I was just tired (I'm sure you can tell why!) eating at night by myself as a reward for a hard mama eating alone in the car just because I was alone in the car!!!

I had a lot of bad habits that contributed to my weight gains and then the ability to maintain those weights. I could easily polish off 2-3 pints of ice cream in a week. All alone on the couch at night. That was one of my huge rewards. I deserved to soothe myself that way, or so I thought.

Then there was the situation I find myself in now. I have lost weight (though I have never lost this much before) but now I have gained a little back (4 pounds was the highest, but now it's only about 2.5). In the past I would just continue to gain. When I follow my eating plan and forgo the treats like I know I should, I stop craving them so much. But when a holiday comes or a vacation or something else out of the ordinary, I indulge and it's hard to get past that. It starts me in on daily binges and out of control eating. It's always been really hard for me to get out of that cycle without gaining 15 pounds or so.

This time? I was up to 157 even on Sunday morning. The night before had been pizza and this crazy apple crisp pizza thing from Papa Murphy's that was just plain DANGEROUS for me!!! Sunday I decided enough was enough and I jumped back on my wagon. It was really hard. And there were slip ups that day. But I really tried to do better.

Then Monday and new year's eve. We stayed in and watched a movie with the kiddos. I really wanted some ice cream and I still had a coupld of dailies left. So I did have my ice cream. Yesterday was so much better. And today I think will be a great day too.

I have learned so much with WW in the past year. I HAVE to follow a plan that allows me to have treats. I need to structure of the Good Health Guidlines to remind me what I should be eating. I like the variety of being able to eat anything really. No food is a bad food. I just have to work it into my daily (and weekly) plan. That's the other thing. I can have a couple of really big eating days as long as I keep the other days in check.

I feel like I am just rambling now. But I have made huge changes with WW in the past year. I feel like I have conquered so many of my food demons. This past week and a half or so have been really hard. I have eaten too much. I have gained weight. But I know what to do now. And it's nothing extreme. It's eating the food I love. The food I have on hand. The food that doesn't make me feel like I am on a diet.

My resoltions this year? It's about movement for me this year. I started walking consistently last spring. I really loved my morning walks all spring and summer. It was my alone time to listen to music and just have time alone inside my head. WHen school started I stopped making time in the morning for that. Then I started doing early walks with my neighbor. It was good to have the accountability of knowing she was waiting for me, but it wasn't the same. Then it started getting colder and snowier. I got a nasty cold around Thanksgiving and have just given up since then.

I have really thought about what I should do in the new year to get back to moving more. Should I get a DVD to do at home? Should I sign up for a class? For me, it's really not about the cardio workout. I enjoy getting my heartrate up, but I really like that alone time to just think. A class wouldn't be the same. A DVD at home with the kids (or dogs) coming to watch wouldn't be the same. There's the gym (or the rec center) but I have never even been on a treadmill before and I'm not sure I would even know what an elliptical looked like.

So what to do? Our local rec center is offering some free orientation things for some of the equipment. I am going to the cycling one on Saturday and a Cardio/Strength Training one in another week or so. I am going to aim for 3 trips to the gym each week. I plan to go early in the morning and be back in time to get children ready for school. What if I don't feel like getting up early? They have babysitting there too so I can't use my kiddos as an excuse.

Will it be the same as my morning walks? I don't know. But it's something for now till all this snow melts anyway!

Troops are restless and I have written a here's to an OP day!!!