I admit it. It's not that life has been THAT busy, it's just that I am so addicted to my silly facebook that I use all my computer time there! It has been great to reconnect with friends from high school, college and different seasons of life. But it is very much just a little small talk amongst life in so many ways. There are few really close friends that I know I will get to share more of my life with, but there are many that I just used to know and never really were close to. They will most likely stay in that realm I am sure.
I had a hard time posting a pic of myself there. I wanted it to be just the right one, you know? I finally put a profile pic up and it's odd to hear the comments. "You look the same as college" "You are thinner now than you were 6 years ago when I saw you last"
They don't know the journey I have been on. The roller coaster of trying to learn to live as a thin girl. I was always the rounder girl of my friends. The big size 11 in the midst of the 5's and 7's. And now that I am a 10? It's been hard to get here, not just that I had some babies and got back to where I was before just more womanly or whatever.
In that respect I have missed you all so much. I get tired of talking about what I weigh, if I am losing or maintaining, what I am eating. But I really love having a place to come and be who I am. I am a fat girl trying to figure out how to live in this smaller body. I am still trying to see myself as I am and not as heavy as I used to be. I saw my reflection from a distance one day at Disneyland and thought "I wish I looked like her. She's leaner through the hips than I am and her thighs aren't so heavy." then I realized it was me I was wanting to look like.
I think I need therapy sometimes I tell ya!
So that's all for now. I will be back more often, I promise. I need this space to fully be the person I am trying to become. But right now I gotta go see if someone has written on my wall!