Saturday, July 5, 2008

I've been cheating on you

I admit it. It's not that life has been THAT busy, it's just that I am so addicted to my silly facebook that I use all my computer time there! It has been great to reconnect with friends from high school, college and different seasons of life. But it is very much just a little small talk amongst life in so many ways. There are few really close friends that I know I will get to share more of my life with, but there are many that I just used to know and never really were close to. They will most likely stay in that realm I am sure.

I had a hard time posting a pic of myself there. I wanted it to be just the right one, you know? I finally put a profile pic up and it's odd to hear the comments. "You look the same as college" "You are thinner now than you were 6 years ago when I saw you last"

They don't know the journey I have been on. The roller coaster of trying to learn to live as a thin girl. I was always the rounder girl of my friends. The big size 11 in the midst of the 5's and 7's. And now that I am a 10? It's been hard to get here, not just that I had some babies and got back to where I was before just more womanly or whatever.

In that respect I have missed you all so much. I get tired of talking about what I weigh, if I am losing or maintaining, what I am eating. But I really love having a place to come and be who I am. I am a fat girl trying to figure out how to live in this smaller body. I am still trying to see myself as I am and not as heavy as I used to be. I saw my reflection from a distance one day at Disneyland and thought "I wish I looked like her. She's leaner through the hips than I am and her thighs aren't so heavy." then I realized it was me I was wanting to look like.

I think I need therapy sometimes I tell ya!

So that's all for now. I will be back more often, I promise. I need this space to fully be the person I am trying to become. But right now I gotta go see if someone has written on my wall!


Kathy said...

I think it is a d***ed shame that in this country a girl who is a size 11 is made to feel like the "round" one. It hasn't always been that way, and I pray that it won't be that way forever. I think I know more than a little about you, my cyber-friend, and I know that you have great value as a mother, wife, daughter and friend no matter what you weigh on any given day. Strive to be healthy and eat accordingly...but never judge your worth by what the scale says. You deserve so much more than that!
I'm sure that old friends notice your overall appearance at first and then quickly move on to all the things they knew and liked about you aside from that...anyone who knows you would do that cause you are such an interesting person to have as a friend. Welcome back to the blog!!!

TB--Milwaukee said...

My wife is pretty much addicted as well. She could spend countless hours. I don't even know the slightest thing about Facebook and it's probably a good thing. She uses my account: TB--Milwaukee if you'd like to look her up.

Kate said...

I think so many of us are getting sick of just talking about what we weigh or what we've ate and you'll begin to see a change in the blogs :)Glad to have you back around though!