Friday, February 1, 2008

reflection

I spent a lot of time yesterday thinking about what my deal was. Thanks for those comments you left. To answer some of them:

I haven't been getting in my 8 GHG's...in the areas or F/V and dairy.

I went to a meeting last week but didn't WI.

I have been tracking it all. Every ugly detail.

I am the one who brought the junk in here. And it's not really "junk". Whole wheat banana and wheat germ bread isn't really unhealthy, but it takes points when I could spend them better. I have never really kept stuff out of our house just because I was on WW. I feel like if it's not OK for me to have occaisionally then my kids should NEVER have it. So we have ice cream around. And a bag of chips every couple of weeks. And I will bake cookies or muffins. I have always been able to stay out of the stuff until lately. And 4 of my 6 kids are at the bottom of the healthy range for weight. They eat all the time I swear! But they really do eat mostly fruits and yogurt for snacks. They have cereal sometimes or toast with peanut butter. Heck even our peanut butter is the natural kind that just peanuts! My kiddos have great eating habits so D and I must be doing something right there.

So what did I come up with yesterday in all my reflecting? Well, I should say that I was having cramps and feeling the early stuff of PMS even though that's more than a week away. So my thinking was a little clouded by all of that. I almost started crying in the shower when I heard D banging on the door. He was coming home from work with stuff in his hands and needed someone to open the door. Kelli can't unlock it (THANK GOD or she'd be running the neighborhood in her panties!) and didn't know what to do. I could hear him banging and felt so bad that he was locked out. He did have his keys in his pocket and a garage door opener in his truck, but still I wanted to cry.

So I was not in a good place! And I just felt naseous too. Just all around icky.

Back to my reflection. This really goes to show how deeply my nueroses go. I think part of my issue lately has come from reaching my goal weight that is above WW's limit for my height. That letter I need to get from my doctor really bugs me I guess. It's like I didn't quite make it to my goal. When I set 155 as my goal, I felt so great about my body. I really felt like that was a weight I could maintain easily and look good.

Then WW told me I was still fat. (That's the PMS part talking.)

Today I've been really trying to make my peace with the fact that I want to eat healthfully and feel fit for me. I love the WW program. I am a HUGE advocate for it. But I need to process how I'm feeling about this a little more.

Today I am trying to reclaim myself. And honestly it's a hard day to do it. I haven't done overnight work (as a postpartum doula or night nanny) for over a year. I did one night last week and then worked again last night. I am basically there to do whatever for these twins so mama can sleep. I give them a bottle, change diapers, soothe them and get them back to sleep. The babies I cared for last night are 3 months old so they are really used to their routine. They did sleep a little longer last night. So I slept from around 9:30-midnight. Both babies back asleep by 1 and then I was up at 4:15 to give them each another bottle before I left at 5. Then I was home on my couch half asleep from 5:45 til about 6:45 or 7.

I'm a little out of it, but not too bad. I stopped to get the kids donuts on my way home this morning. I was REALLY out of it then because for some reason I didn't think 1 dozen would be enough for them to all have 2 donuts. So I got 2 dozen. I was in the car before I realized how badly I suck at math that early in the morning.

I did eat 2 of the nasty wonderful things. But I put the rest in a tupperware in THE GARAGE until tomorrow morning so I won't pick anymore.

What I ate yesterday:











FoodUnits
picks of cereal1
rolled oats with 1/2 banana, little honey and kefir4
other half of banana :)1
1/2 apple with a little PB (Jack E's leftovers)2
whole wheat pasta with a little parmesan4
cauliflower and lowfat cheese sauce (from frozen)3
2 mint kisses3
toast w/ jam4
1 cup 1% cottage cheese w/ hot sauce3
toast with jam4
Total:29

3 comments:

Kathy said...

I noticed Kate put her menu through one of the sites that does an analysis of the proteins, carbs, etc to check for balance. Maybe that would help you see if you are lacking in any area.

I know what you mean about the goal weight...it kinda stinks. 155 seems like a very healthy weight and it seems you're being robbed of the satisfaction of reaching that goal. I respect WW for all the research they put into their program, but I have to disagree with some of their policies that seem to only benefit their business...oh, well.

I have been feeling really "munchy" the last few days. I have stayed on program, but I feel like I have to be eating something all day long! Maybe it is just a little too much winter and time spent inside.

Kate is right...don't let yourself slide because it is so hard to get traction again. Keep in touch with us, with the members there in town, and do WHATEVER it takes to hang on. btw...having a good cry always makes me feel better and renews my courage!

We're all cheering you on: Go, Noelle!!!

Kate said...

You know the shower is the one place I feel safe to cry? I have no friggin idea why, probably because I'm locked in the bathroom by myself, no one can hear me or see me, so I feel safe. So I can understand that one.

Sounds like you definitely have some stuff to work through, but don't be all? As Kathy said, I respect WW's and what they do. BUT I think their weight ranges are ridiculous. You know the lower end of healthy weight range is like 130 for me? I would look sick there! I think they don't take enough of body structure into play. I think you look wonderful at the weight you picked, even though they think you should be less, learn to be happy where you are, because you look stunning girl!

Diet Coke and Zingers said...

If we were all as honest as you are, we could all say similar things about ourselves... neurotic foodies- every single one of us! But you are one of my personal favorites! Hang in!