got my gold card!

If you haven't seen them, the little membership card you get with lifetime at WW has gold on it. I got my card today even though I still didn't turn in my doctor's note. I got one, but I need to have one dater BEFORE I started maintenance...so like some time back in November. I'm going to feel like such an idiot calling the doctor this week asking for that, but whatever!

So I have weighed in for January as a Lifetime member. Feels strange honestly. It also felt strange to be sitting between 2 second weekers knowing they must be feeling funny sitting next to the thin girl when they are still both really heavy. At least that's how I used to feel. I guess I had a lot of insecurities about being overweight. They are still lurking back there, like I really am not very thin yet. I mean a size 10 is hardly tiny, right?

Yeah I still have my issues. But I am really trying to deal with them. That's why it's so great that I can still go to WW each week and learn how to live in this new body. There are quite a few lifetimers in my meeting. One woman for 3 years, another for 9 years and one for 30 years. That's amazing to me. I want to be one of those women.

I had a woman come up to me after the meeting today and ask if I was the one who showed my size 18 jeans last week. She told me that really hit her because she is a size 18 and can only dream of being a size 10. She asked how long it took me. I honestly told her almost 11 months. I had a lifetime of bad habits to break. My neighbor was always so great at reminding me that I didn't gain the weight overnight so I shouldn't expect to lose it quickly. So true and so hard to deal with. I've had the quick fix diet before...the 3 day diet, slim fast, fat burner pills, low carb plans. None of those were a suitable way to live my life. WW has been that answer for me.

Well this day is slowing getting away from me. We are having people over for burgers tonight so I need to get things in gear! And I am making a salad with my newly purchased quinoa...I'm joining the club!

Happy weekend!

no wonder it wasn't working!

I have really been trying to get my holiday weight gain back off for the past week and a half or so. I put on about 4 pounds or so from my lowest weight in the past couple of months and I really do kind of feel it. Weird huh, since I've lived most of the past 15 years way above this weight.

Anyway. I jumped on the scale yesterday morning knowing that I had had 2 really great OP days before that with lots of water to flush out my Sunday excursion to FatBurger. I wasn't down hardly at all. Like from 156.4 to 156 even. WHAT THE HECK?!?!

I was thinking, I've had my water, I've gotten in my fruits and veggies well and my dairy servings and had adequate protein (meaning that the points I've consumed were healthy foods and not just junk) and I've stuck to my DPA. Plus I cut back one point from last week.

That's when it hit me. Before I hit goal, I was at a DPA of 23. With maintenance I added 4 to give me 27. I thought I'd back off ONE point for this week to see a loss. Um, I'm still maintaining because I am still eating way above what I should be to lose!

Yesterday I backed it back down to 23 points for the day. Well, I did go over by one, but I can probably deal with that since I took care of 4 kids ages 4 and under for a good chunk of the day. That meant that most of the day I was carrying around at least one other 20 pound body.

So here's hoping to see those pounds melt away now that I have finally figured out how much I should be eating each day. And making myself start my day with water is really working well for me. I have told myself that I at least have to get in 32 oz before I drink a coke (diet of course!!!) and I've done it. This morning I really did not want to chug my water bottle, but I did and I felt so much better. Also, I'm usually starving in the morning so by drinking all that water then eating something small, I am satisfied for a while and not munching while the kids get ready for school. It's hard not to clean up after them all the time. That was a big part of my weight gains in the past I'm sure.

Well, that vacuum cleaner is calling my name. Don't you wish you were me? Spending your day doing laundry and picking up toys and vacuuming and feeding small children and wiping bottoms? Then again, I get in a lot of activity that way!

dippy

I found this veggie dip at our local market and I am in LOVE with it. It's a veggie dip that has roasted red peppers, tomatoes, carrots, sunflower oil, sugar, parsley and spices. It is so good on jicama strips or cucumber slices. It has 40 calories and 3 g of fat per serving. I totally want to learn how to make it since I have most of those ingredients from our farm share each summer. Of course I'll try to get less fat in my version. And the thing about it is this dip feels more like eating veggies than like a sour cream based one.

I am feeling pretty good today. When I first got up this morning, the bridge of my nose was pretty swollen. But now I don't look too bad. Other than the strips of tape by my eyebrow!

And I am happy to say that I have gotten in my water today. 64 oz so far and I'm sure I'll get some more in later, too.

Notice Kelli sneaking in the back of the pic!

best laid plans

My plans for today after work:

Gas in my truck and maybe a quick carwash
Pick up a prescription
Go to the post office and mail 3 boxes

What happened instead?

I left work at 12:20 (an hour or so early) after bashing my head on the back of a dining chair (as I bent over to pick something up). I then dropped my 2 youngest kids off with the neighbor and headed to the doctor's office to get some glue and tape over my injury.

But I have gotten in 104 oz of water today!

water

I have gone from the person who was easily drinking 3 or 4 32 oz bottles of water a day (I'm a refiller not individual bottles) to the person who didn't even get in her 48 oz yesterday. My leader shared that she has also been struggling with water lately. So she has a deal with herself. No Starbucks until her water is in.

Since I'm not a coffee girl, but a diet Coke junkie, I am telling myself that I can't have my morning diet Coke until I have gotten in my 48 oz of water. I'm posting it here so you can all help me be accountable. I am drinking my coke right now (I learned that in CA-all soda is coke, but what kind of coke do you like to drink? Dr. Pepper? Sprite? Diet Coke? LOL) because I guzzled down that 48 oz this morning.

Now it's potty time! LOL

paying it forward blogger style

I started reading a new to me blog this week. She is prompting us bloggers to pay it forward in a crafty way. You can read about hers here or here.

So if you are crafty or would like to give it a try, you leave me a comment. The first 3 takers I get I will send something to at an address you provide to me privately.

Am I making any sense? Jack E is in and out of my lap. Is it almost bedtime, please oh please?!?!

LIFETIME!!!!!

I did it!!! I have achieved that lifetime goal! In so many ways I am so excited.

But it is a bummer to be up above my goal if only by .4. I really liked being in that 152-153 range. And my leader told me as I was doing my final WI that I need a doctor note since I am only 5'4" and I am above the WW weight range for my height. That kind of took the wind out of my sails to say the least.

Then there's the fact that I have a icky headache today. I had a sebacious cyst removed from my scalp yesterday and I think I still have a little headache from the meds the doctor used to numb the spot. I'd really love to just sit and knit today but I really have got to get that silly Christmas tree OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!

Here I sit finally achieving a goal that I set out on over 13 months and just want to complain. Need to work on that, huh?!

Shopping yesterday with Aleena was good. It felt really good to try on clothes that I didn't think looked good on me and be able to blame the clothes for just not being right and not hating my body underneath the clothes. Did that make sense? And lunch was AWESOME! Most of the people around us were ordering these big bowls with meat andveggies and rice and sauce, but we stuck to our plan of soup, cucmber salad, edamame and sushi. Totally HUGE lunch for 10 points...and it was a treat to eat food that is totally out of the norm for us.

That tree is calling my name and I just can't ignore it all day.

better today

I think I had a little epiphany again. I was feeling so discouraged about the scale yesterday. But I finally had a day of really staying OP. I did go a little over my daily points yesterday, but that's because I ate a ton of salad at a friend's house for dinner last night. And I just had a little nibble of dessert. Thank goodness for Jack E who still likes to give mama a bite.

But I realized somewhere in all of that, that I really can't control what the scale says. I can't control if it goes up or down. I can only control what goes into my mouth. If the right things go into my mouth consistently, then the scale will go down. Eventually. It may not happen as quickly as I want it to (ie, overnight), but it will go back down.

Having an OP day gave me the shot in the arm that I needed. TOM is in full swing and I feel AWFUL today. But I am not going to comfort myself with crappy food. Aleena and I have planned on doing a little girls' day out today. We will shop for a while this morning and have lunch at Tokyo Joe's. Looking online at their menu, I think I choose to have a cup of miso soup, split some edamame with Aleena, sunomo and a veggie roll. And I may have another salad thing. Or I may splurge and have Joe's roll.

Feels so good to be able to plan a big splurge like that on food I LOVE!

Hope you all have a great day. I'm off to medicate a little more!

eating what I love

I just had a yummy HUGE salad for lunch. I'm one of those people who totally loves big, full of stuff, restaurant salads. So why do I always make totally boring ones ar home and then wonder why it's so unappetizing

I still remember hanging out with my girlfriend one day at her house with our kids. We had both recently had our 3rd babies and the older kids were playing and eating mac and cheese for lunch. She offered to make us a salad. We were both starting to try out the low carb thing that our hubbies were having success with so she threw in the bacon and cheese with abandon. But I remember just being surprised that she would go to so much trouble to make a salad for lunch. But it tasted so good. And we felt like we were having a meal together instead of just grazing like rabbits.

So I always think of her when I take the time to actually prepare something for myself in the middle of the day. The end reward is so worth the little bit of effort that I put into it.

The scale was not kind this morning. After being at 155 yesterday morning, today I am at 156.8. Totally bummed about that lemme tell ya! I really felt like I did so much better yesterday. But I'm also having some TOM feelings so maybe that is my problem? I really want to just eat with no thought for the weight it will pack on. I want to CHOW DOWN!!! I told you that has always been my pattern before. I would lose 20-25 pounds, then gain 4 or 5 and soon it was a gain of 15-20 pounds. yeah, I would be right back where I started.

My struggle now is that I have gained some. My body seems to want to gain more. I guess it is much more used to 170 or 180 than 150. I can't give up and give in. All my pants are now size 10 and they would so totally not fit if I went back. So here I am just hanging in and hanging on! I'm gonna go guzzle some water I think.

new year and new starts

How many people do you think are starting a diet today? I'm sure there are way more starting today than will still be following their plan in 2 months. And we all know the reason for that. We want a quick fix. We want to lose 15 pounds in 2 weeks. We want someone to tell us what we can and can't have. We want it to feel strict so we know it's working. After all, if we aren't starving and feeling deprived how can we really be losing weight?

I've only done a handful of the extreme diet things. In high school I loved that 3 day diet. I would eat things like a boiled egg and 5 crackers for breakfast and lunch. But every night there was a half cup of vanilla ice cream. LOVED that part. And it was only 3 days and I would lose like 6 or 7 pounds in that time. And I was 17 so of course it worked!

After D and I got married (and I gained about 45 pounds) I did the slim fast thing. I would do 2 shakes a day and eat a regular dinner. I was pretty successful with that, too. I lost a good 20-25 pounds. I discovered jogging and started riding my bike every afternoon. Then I got pregnant for the first time. I had awful morning sickness and spent a couple of months lying on the couch doing very little. I didn't go crazy foodwise but I did gain about 30 pounds.

Then I spent the next 3 years pregnant. We did literally have our third child the day after our oldest turned 3. I never really lost all the baby weight from those babies. So I was up near 200 pounds again. D had started doing a really strict Atkins thing. I decided to try that after I weaned Clay. I did lose about 25 pounds that way. Then I got pregnant with Emma six months later and proceeded to gain 13 pounds in the month after I took the test till I saw the midwife for the first time. I was so convinced I would never eat another baked good that I had to eat at least one muffin every day. Then there was the Krispy Kreme between my house and my job!

The one thing that is constant in all of those diet plans is the lack of wiggle room. I never learned how to have a little treat and move on from that. I didn't know how to plan for events beyond my control so I was either on my diet or off my diet.

And none of those plans addressed my emotional eating...my eating out of boredom...my eating carbs in the afternoon because I was just tired (I'm sure you can tell why!)...my eating at night by myself as a reward for a hard mama day...my eating alone in the car just because I was alone in the car!!!

I had a lot of bad habits that contributed to my weight gains and then the ability to maintain those weights. I could easily polish off 2-3 pints of ice cream in a week. All alone on the couch at night. That was one of my huge rewards. I deserved to soothe myself that way, or so I thought.

Then there was the situation I find myself in now. I have lost weight (though I have never lost this much before) but now I have gained a little back (4 pounds was the highest, but now it's only about 2.5). In the past I would just continue to gain. When I follow my eating plan and forgo the treats like I know I should, I stop craving them so much. But when a holiday comes or a vacation or something else out of the ordinary, I indulge and it's hard to get past that. It starts me in on daily binges and out of control eating. It's always been really hard for me to get out of that cycle without gaining 15 pounds or so.

This time? I was up to 157 even on Sunday morning. The night before had been pizza and this crazy apple crisp pizza thing from Papa Murphy's that was just plain DANGEROUS for me!!! Sunday I decided enough was enough and I jumped back on my wagon. It was really hard. And there were slip ups that day. But I really tried to do better.

Then Monday and new year's eve. We stayed in and watched a movie with the kiddos. I really wanted some ice cream and I still had a coupld of dailies left. So I did have my ice cream. Yesterday was so much better. And today I think will be a great day too.

I have learned so much with WW in the past year. I HAVE to follow a plan that allows me to have treats. I need to structure of the Good Health Guidlines to remind me what I should be eating. I like the variety of being able to eat anything really. No food is a bad food. I just have to work it into my daily (and weekly) plan. That's the other thing. I can have a couple of really big eating days as long as I keep the other days in check.

I feel like I am just rambling now. But I have made huge changes with WW in the past year. I feel like I have conquered so many of my food demons. This past week and a half or so have been really hard. I have eaten too much. I have gained weight. But I know what to do now. And it's nothing extreme. It's eating the food I love. The food I have on hand. The food that doesn't make me feel like I am on a diet.

My resoltions this year? It's about movement for me this year. I started walking consistently last spring. I really loved my morning walks all spring and summer. It was my alone time to listen to music and just have time alone inside my head. WHen school started I stopped making time in the morning for that. Then I started doing early walks with my neighbor. It was good to have the accountability of knowing she was waiting for me, but it wasn't the same. Then it started getting colder and snowier. I got a nasty cold around Thanksgiving and have just given up since then.

I have really thought about what I should do in the new year to get back to moving more. Should I get a DVD to do at home? Should I sign up for a class? For me, it's really not about the cardio workout. I enjoy getting my heartrate up, but I really like that alone time to just think. A class wouldn't be the same. A DVD at home with the kids (or dogs) coming to watch wouldn't be the same. There's the gym (or the rec center) but I have never even been on a treadmill before and I'm not sure I would even know what an elliptical looked like.

So what to do? Our local rec center is offering some free orientation things for some of the equipment. I am going to the cycling one on Saturday and a Cardio/Strength Training one in another week or so. I am going to aim for 3 trips to the gym each week. I plan to go early in the morning and be back in time to get children ready for school. What if I don't feel like getting up early? They have babysitting there too so I can't use my kiddos as an excuse.

Will it be the same as my morning walks? I don't know. But it's something for now till all this snow melts anyway!

Troops are restless and I have written a novel...so here's to an OP day!!!

didn't make it

Last night went sadly awry. It started with a "taste" of the scalloped potatoes and ham I had made. Then there was a piece of cornbread and a cookie and a bite of fudge.

The cornbread has now been washed down the kitchen sink. (are you proud kathy?) And today has been great. It's nearly dinnertime and I still have 10 points for dinner. I have had 96 ounces of water today too. I've had 5 servings of F/V and one dairy serving so far.

I am getting back on track. Today I sat down and made a list of some of my accomplishments in the last year. Look for those when my kids stop fighting over the crispix and after I get a diaper on the 2 yo who just "peeped" in his spider man underwear!!!

so far so good...

...but I'm not in bed yet either!!!

I have done much better today at staying OP and not just shoving stuff in my mouth because it was sitting there.

OK, so I did some of that too, but not so much of it.

I made the WW veggie soup and had that and cottage cheese for lunch so that was filing and low in points. I went grocery shopping today with my middle daughter Emma. Totally was hungry but I got good things. I got soy crisps and cheesy rice cakes. I haven't had those around in a long time but I know they fill that snack attack. I haven't been buying them because they're kind of junky. Then again so are BBQ potato chips. ahem...

And I got some frozen veggies with sauce and some with low fat cheese sauce. The whole container is 2-3 points and it totally fits the bill when I want a mini meal but don't want to cook. The veggie soup does that for me too, but with zero points.

Hopefully I can navigate the rest of the night without an issue. Or digging into the chocolate since the waffles and cornbread I munched on have left me no wiggle room. In so many ways I don't want to go to WI on Saturday. It's my last WI of maintenance so I will start Lifetime the next week. But I know I am way up. And my regular leader won't be there. Plus I want to stay in bed and read a magazine.

Gotta think about that...

Diego and chocolate

Those are the 2 words that best decribe my little guy's Christmas this year. The other kids stayed out of the chocolate and candy mostly...they had a little but nothing like the 2 year old! Then there was mama.

I started Christmas morning eating an entire package of Godiva dark chocolate covered almonds. They were soooooo good!!! But probably not the thing to eat at 7:30 in the morning after getting 5 hours of sleep. I ate tons more chocolate throughout the day. And scones. And just random junk. That was after I ate tons of Christmas cookies on Christmas eve while we did our last advent reading.

I FEEL ICKY!!! Today I have tried to jump right back OP. It's hard though when I just want to eat food because it's there. Where is my will power and my "think first" mentality? It's amazing how out of kelter I got by just letting it be a free for all for a day and a half.

UGH!!!

eating my way back up

This morning the scale said 153. Not a bit surprising since I ate my way through my afternoon. I hate it when I run out of dailies at 2 in the afternoon. I just made crappy choices all day yesterday. Today I am shooting for an OP day!

Skinny Guy made a good point about CORE vs. FLEX that I think I will try in January. Eat only CORE foods (mostly anyway) but treat it like FLEX with tracking all of my points. That would have sooooo saved my butt yesterday!

Kids are clamoring for their special first day off from school breakfast. Better get on that!

the unexpected

I spent Monday night making sure my digestive system was sufficiently cleansed. Tuesday I ate mostly dry cereal and banana with a little PB toast thrown in. I drank a lot of ceffeine free diet coke (I know-what's the point of that?!) and hardly any water. I did have 1 piece of Papa Murphy's chicken mediterranean deLite pizza for dinner.

Yesterday morning I had a NASTY headache from the dehydration. So I guzzled water. I ran around all day between work and grocery chopping and taxi-ing the kiddos and then baking to get all the gifts ready for teachers, too. I admit I had too many cookies in the afternoon. There were 3 of them in fact.

But what did the scale say this monrning? Exactly what it said yesterday morning. 149.8 Yep, The crazy 140's!!!

I can't believe it. I'm not planning on it being permanent because I am seriously taking a few days off next week for the holidays, but I haven't seen a number in the 140's for almost 20 years.

Who'd a thought I could ever get there?!!?

tummy troubles

What is the deal with me this fall? I have had more tummy troubles this fall than I think I have in the past few years combined. I was up most of the night running to the potty. ugh!!!

I'm feeling better this morning, but after my banana and toast I'm feeling a little "gurgly". Gotta take it easy I guess!

Life is just busy around here getting ready for the holiday next week. I've been really trying to make good choices while out shopping. I've packed nuts and fruit leathers or raisins and granola bars for the kids. That has made it easier for me to eat some of that stuff or one of my bars. Really having all the kids in tow does make it easier in some ways to stay OP. To buy us all some junky snacks or dinner is expensive. And I can't very well just get some junk for mama and tell the kids to eat their packed snacks.

Feeling rambly so I'll wrap it up. I have been reading my week 1 book again this week. I am really considering going to CORE in january. On maintenance instead of 35 WPA I would have 63 WPA. That's an average of 9/day. That's a lot of non-CORE foods. I may try it for a while. I think it would be pretty easy once I decide to go there. Then I'm sure I'll have some more adjusting of my plan/hunger signals/eating habits to tweak.

What are your thougths on CORE vs. FLEX?

quick update

I was in the greatest mood going to WW this morning. It was COLD outside so I couldn't wear my capri-ish running pants. I actually put on a pair of sweats. And it is TOM...but I felt so great about how I had eaten all week that I had no worries.

I was down 1 pound from last WI. Yep, this is maintenance. I am loving that. And I was so excited to get the new materials!!! I'm such a WW nerd. I am a little bummed that I haven't had the time to just sit and read it all from cover to cover. How lame is that! LOL

Today has been a hard day. We went shopping for a big chunk of the afternoon. We actually took all 6 kids and the in-laws to Toys R Us. What were we thinking?! We split up and got a lot of our shopping done today. That's good since it was really just the first day of it! We are a little behind this year.

Then we grabbed a quick lunch around 2:30 at Wahoo's. I really tried to make good choices...chicken tortilla soup and a grilled fish taco. According to DWLZ, my lunch had 4.5 points. That seemed really low so I added another point into that. Then we came home to rest and move to the next thing, working for hubby, more shopping for the in-laws and baking for me.

I haven't done so great tonight. I have been eating just because and munching on my baking. Not had enough water either. So now I am feeling just stuffed and gross. And totally craving more cookies. What is it about junk that makes us want more and more and more?

Anyway, I have some crafty stuff to do...and some online shopping to do too. Just wanted to post quickly that I had a good WI. Only 2 more weeks and I get my Lifetime status. Woo-hoo!

another way WW has changed me

I've already posted that this week has been a stressful one. I am still a little bit of a mess. TOM has shown up again so that's not helping either.

Yesterday, I just felt like a mess. I know it was one of those days where in the past I could have eaten all day long. What did I do yesterday? I was active...don't get me wrong. No big workouts here, I just did laundry all day. But I know how easy it would have been to sit on the couch and play games on the computer and munch all day long. But I chose to DO something so I actually felt a little accomplished at the end of the day.

Another thing...and this is a biggie! I really didn't eat a lot yesterday. Just meals and an afternoon snack. I finished dinner with 3 DPA leftover and I haven't used all my WPA this week either. So when I finally plopped down on the couch last night to watch mama's TV. I wanted something. OK, I admit it, I wanted ice cream and chocolate. I really thought of just grabbing the container and taking it back to the couch. Even as I walked to the fridge I thought that. Instead I grabbed a little bowl, crumbled a brownie bite in the bottom and THEN because I didn't want to get out the ice cream scoop, I used my soup spoon to just scoop a little ice cream into my bowl. It was about half a cup. I went back to the couch and was totally happy with my snack. It was enough.

Instead of a huge ice cream binge, I just had a sensible serving...and it was enough. Big changes indeed!

yesterday was successful!

Yesterday was one of those crazy mom days. Thankfully my MIL was here so I didn't have to take the little ones with me every time I left the house, but I was out and about 6 times in the course of the day between running people to school (either because of weather or Emma missing the bus AGAIN!), trip to the doctor's office (Clay spained his ankle really badly Monday afternoon and I wanted to make sure it was nothing more severe), a milk run (those 3 gallons from Friday finally ran out!) and 2 different music lessons (one was a makeup since Clay was "injured" Monday afternoon).

In the midst of all that I also shoveled the snow from the driveway and sidewalks, did some laundry, unloaded/reloaded the dishwasher, vacuumed, made lunch and dinner and planned my meals for today. AND I stayed mostly OP! Until the evening when I plopped down on the couch with the container of blueberry flax granola. UGH! Totaly mindless munching at that point!

So yesterday came together like this
B-raisin bran muffin (early while we watched the news to see school delays) (3)
handful of cereal (1)
bagel and lite cream cheese (after shoveling for 26 min) (6)
S- 1% cottage cheese-1/3 cup (1)
L-chicken enchilada casserole (5)
salad with lite italian and tiny bit of RF feta (2)
S-alternative bagel (on the grocery store's clearance rack so HAD to have one before I threw it in the freezer) (1)
1% cottage cheese with pico de gallo (1)
100 cal pack of sunchips (2)
D-raisin bran muffin (3)
frozen veggies with low fat cheese sauce (3)
S-granola (8?)

points=35-2 AP's=33 DPA=27, WPA used=6
water=`104 oz
diet coke=64 oz

OK so looking back I was totally carb heavy and snack happy and drank a lot of diet coke. But considering the day I'd had, I think that was pretty great. It would have been soooooo tempting to go through the drive through on one of those trips out...but I really stayed close to within my points. Maybe I am getting this maintenance thing!

Better weekend

This was a busy weekend and I didn't always know what our family meal plans would be, but all in all it went pretty well for me foodwise. I won't go back and do menus from the weekend for you, but I really stayed OP pretty well considering we went to a candy factory on Saturday and a Mom and Me cocoa, cookies and crafts party on Sunday! And Saturday we walked around a lot and I was either carrying Jack (28 pounds) or Kelli (45 pounds) half the time. Love that bulit in strength training. My in-laws have been here, too, and I am sure they think all I do is cook and clean my kitchen when I am at home.

I guess throw in a little laundry, vacuuming and picking up of toys and that's about right! LOL

My meeting on Saturday was really great. My leader had us do one of those WW worksheets-the one about storyboarding. She asked "what is your goal for January 2? Write that in the starburst box...then the steps to get there in the other boxes." It really is different now being at my goal weight. I really feel like I am still trying to figure out the whole maintenance thing mentally. I know how to do the plan, but how do I see myself and what is my relationship with food?

My goal is to weigh in at 153.? that first week of January. That will be my first time to weigh in as a lifetime member, too! So what do I do to get there? I've realized a huge thing for me. If I start my day by drinking 32 oz of water while I wash my face and put in my contacts and get dressed, I will get tons of water in. If I don't have a TON first thing in the morning, water will be a struggle all day long. And when I am not drinking like I should I don't eat like I should.

So my #1 thing is to start every day with my 32 oz of water. Next I need to plan my meals and snacks for each day and make sure I am within my DPA. I'm not sure if I will have to do that every day for the rest of my life or not, but I know right now I still need to do that to stay OP. And I need to save my WPA for SPECIAL things. Just because I made fresh muffins for breakfast does NOT count because I do that at least once a week!!! LOL I really need to work on deciding when a treat is really OK and when I should just abstain. I can go without if I decide that's what I need to do. But my "just a few nibbles" easily turns into a binge if I let it.

I also plan to go to my meetings. And really be aware of what I am eating and when I am eating and why I am eating.

Menu:
B-bear mush with protein powder (4)
nibbles and picks of cornbread (5-oops!)
S-yogurt smoothie (1)
persimmon (1)
L-Healthy Choice panini (6)
few nibbles of pineapple (0)
S-blueberry/flax granola (5)
planned for
D-Kate's chicken enchilada casserole (4)
salad with FF Dorothy Lynch (1)

points used 27/27 WPA
water=128 oz
diet coke=58 oz

weigh in today

I just have a sec this morning, but I wanted to say I lost 2 pounds this week. Considering all the out of whack days I had this week, I am totally pleased with that! I think part of last week's big gain was water retention but I also know I didn't do as well with the rest of the week as I could have. Did that make sense?

Anyway...just a note before we head out to Hammond's for their candy cane festival. My kids are already making me crazy and they haven't even had any sugar yet! And my in-law's are here for a lengthy visit so we are all heading out as soon as hubby gets out of the shower.

Big news with WW when they start new materials tomorrow. Am I a total WW geek because I want to go to another meeting tomorrow morning so I can check it all out?

I've realized that WW is my haven. It's a little spot in this world that is all for ME! No kids, no hubby, no pressures I can't rise to. Thank God there's some place like that.

I don't have time to post yesterday's food, but I was thinking of you all when I ate yesterday and I really felt good about what I ate. I even made these YUMMY chocolate mint cookies yesterday. I didn't lick my fingers too much (not very hygenic! eww!) but I did have ONE cookie when they were all done. Two points of heaven. And I drank about 24 ounces of water just before I ate my cookie and then another 8 after I ate my cookie (I usually drink 32 in one sitting). It was great. I had one cookie, but I felt STUFFED and I got to enjoy that full feeling and yummy cookie taste in my mouth all at the same time. Totally felt like I had just binged on cookies but without the sugar crash later. I am totally a sicko when it comes to my food nueroses, huh?

finally an OP day

Yesterday I actually stayed OP all day, I didn't have my afternoon binge and I did great with my water, too. Actually I have been doing really well with water this week. When I am not eating well I don't always do well with water, but this week I really have been drinking it all.

Anyway...thanks for all your ideas about how to deal with the munchies. I do write out a plan for meals and snacks for the day, but then lately I've just been adding to that!

Kathy suggested that maybe I record it here for your reading pleasure. There's that accountability that comes with knowing someone else will read what you ate. And I know you are all just beside yourselves with anticipation about what I eat. (Actually there is some weird superiority thing about reading how CRAPPY other people eat! Or is that just me?!) So I thought "maybe I should record what I eat each day...I'll start doing that Monday". Wait, isn't that crazy bad diet mentality? So here's what I ate yesterday. I was trying hard to stay OP after not doing well for days and days. I am still sick. And I didn't eat yesterday with the mindset that you would be reading it today. :o)

B-multigrain pancakes with PB2 (3)
frozen pumpkin waffle from the weekend (2)
L-chef salad with little ham, shredded cheese, hardboiled egg, spring greens, pea pods, green onions and pico de gallo (5)
few bites of the kids mac and cheese (2)
S-pumpkin spice muffin (2)
D-few bites of beef and pork from leftovers (3)
huge sweet potato with cinnamon and Brummel&Brown spread (6)
wallaby lowfat maple yogurt (3)
1/2 biscuit (2)
S-mini brownie (3)

points 31/27 (I have NO WPA left but I still went further into the hole!)
water 112 oz
diet coke 68 oz *blush*

How does that compare to my "plan" for yesterday? I meant to have cheese for my morning snack, but just got busy so I added it to my salad. I was going to have a half pita with my salad, but kept nibbling on the mac and cheese. BTW, it was Amy's organic mac and cheese...so that's not SO bad, right? LOL I didn't plan on the biscuit for dinner, but it looked so good. And after dinner I just wanted something dessertish. I didn't want a skinny cow, so I had the brownie thing. They are mini muffin size so it could have easily been 1 or 2 bites, but I made it into 6 or 8 nibbles.

I do try to stick to my DPA of 27 and WPA of 35.

Kids are screaming...better go deal with that! :/

so off plan

Not sure what the deal is with me lately. But this week has been really hard to stay OP. I start my day well and with good intentions, but then something happens in the afternoon.

I have been feeling so bad with this cold, too. I haven't been exercising in the mornings and that leaves me lacking energy for the day. Then I think I'm trying to eat myself into feeling better.

Not working.

Snacks are my problem right now. I'm just doing too much snacking. So my plan for the day is to stay in control of my snacks...and maybe go hungry a little too. I have just been eating TOO much.

I'll let you know how the day goes.

another before and after pic

I can't believe I did that

Last night was our 3rd night out in a week. For someone who typically prepares EVERY SINGLE meal she eats in her own kitchen, this has been huge! And what am I so shocked about? I actually did the "mentally divide all the food on your plate in half and only eat that" trick.

I have never ever done that before, but I did it last night. I did eat my entire salad, but it was a tomato and mozzarella salad. Basically, 3 thick slices of tomato topped with a slice of fresh mozzarella, drizzled with balsamic and chopped herbs. No oil, only points come from the cheese. And I ordered a chicken breast with rice and sauteed greens. It was a pretty light entree anyway, and I saved half for today.

Oh, and I skipped the appetizer. It was a bacon wrapped shrimp covered in BBQ sauce and there's some jack cheese in there too. My good friend LOVES them and orders them as her entree every time we go to that restaurant. They are just OK to me...and I know there's a lot of points going on there. So I saved my points for my salad. Much more worth it to me.

I had tried to eat light all day and save up points for the night. I think I went over my daily points by 2 yesterday. Not bad for a fancy dinner out!

Now before you start cursing me, let me tell you I am OUT of my daily points for the day. I couldn't think of anything to pack for lunch today so I just threw in 2 pieces of cold pizza from Saturday night (when I used about 20 flex points!!! but totally worth it!) and some fruit. Then there was the bites of the kids doughnuts at the grocery store while we ran in to grab milk. And some waffle this morning after I already had my breakfast. So not a stellar day today. I still need to eat dinner and make it through the afterschool munch time. I'll be using some flexies for that I guess.

a year ago today

I joined WW wearing these jeans!

the benefits of weighing myself daily...

...is that the HUGE gain I saw today at WI doesn't really alarm me. I got on my bathroom scale this morning to see 159. Yep...I gained 3 pounds overnight. We went to a crab boil at the neighbor's and I think the "boil" they used was a LOT salty. I only had 2 crab legs and some spinach salad (sans the bacon, cheese or nuts) and a tiny little chocolate for dessert. The wine was FLOWING too, but I stuck to my water. This morning my wedding ring was tight and I just felt puffy all over.

So I'm not terribly freaked about that gain. One of me fellow WW'ers who is down to only 2 more WI's till she's lifetime was a little shocked for me I think. She has only gained ONCE since she started WW last spring. She has lost about the same weight as I have, too, but much quicker. I wonder if she can maintain that level of self-denial forever. You know what I mean...Life happens. We overdo it on occasion. How do we bounce back from that? Do we consider ourselved "cured" from our fatness once we reach lifetime or do we really think of this as a lifestyle change that needs to be permanent?

OK...sorry. This is supposed to be about me. So I gained big this week. I admit it was a less than stellar week. I got overconfident thinking I could just eat whatever and be OK. I had lots of high point days and no really strict days. I did have 2 parties this week, too. Instead of being super vigilant all the other days, I just kind of let it slide. And I felt lousy so I tried to feel better by munching.

Today is a new day. I really tried to refocus yesterday, too. I have today to stay OP. Tomorrow we are going to a nice dinner with some friends (their treat---even better!) and I have already checked out the menu online to see what I would like to order. The good thing about upscale dining is that you can make a few more requests of the kitchen without seeming so high maintenance. But I need to stay OP all week, too, and remember that I can't munch all afternoon AND have a holiday cookie or two.

Call me a work in progress. Guess that's why they give us 6 weeks of maintenance before we get the magic lifetime status, huh?

what was I thinking?

Yesterday I think I kept eating little nibbles of this and that to feel better. Guess what? It didn't make me feel better, only worse. Dinner was the worst. I wasn't really that hungry. I'd been sitting on the couch all afternoon with a feverish preschooler who had had a HUGE puking episode in the car with Daddy. I threw a roast in the oven for the family early in the afternoon, but that was as far as I got. I knew I still had some leftovers from Thankssgiving (stuffing, sweet potatoes and cauliflower) to round it all out. I really wastn' planning on eating dinner.

But those leftovers suddenly looked sooooo good to me. I ate way more candied sweet potatoes last night than I should have. I wasn't even really hungry. And if I wanted sweet potato, I could have "baked" one in the microwave for far less points. But I didn't. I just made bad choices for dinner. Then I ate some chocolate-y popcorn after the kids were in bed (Thanks for bringing that out, mom!).

And I felt gross. I felt out of control and like that fat mama again. Today the bathroom scale (always a little higher than the WW scale) said 155.8. UGH! I've also been having a hard time drinking my water since I've been sick. I just am not interested in it. But I know I need my liquids. Gotta work on that.

So I am trying to reclaim my day today. I was starving when I woke up, but couldn't decide what to eat. I did eat a piece of toast while the kids were getting ready. That satisfied me for awhile. And I just took some banana bread out of the oven so I had a slice of that (only 2 points per slice so not totally a splurge). I think I may make some of Kathy's soup too. Maybe that will get me over my munchie hump!

Tongight we have a party with the neighbors. Not sure what will be there, but we are supposed to bring 3 pounds of crab per person and an appetizer or a dessert. Two ounces of cooked crab=1 point, not bad. But I need to leave room in my day for it.

sick again?

I have been trying to fight this cold for days and days, but I think I have surrendered to it finally. I just feel awful today! I think I was convinced that I would just barely be sick. Today I am embracing my sickness! Sweat pants, slipper socks, glasses and all. My 2 littles who are home today are sick too, so we are just hanging out being lazy.

Last night we had a big holiday party to go to. We were all supposed to bring a bottle of wine and either a "hearty appetizer" or a dessert. I really didn't want to just go overboard because it was a buffet line. I did pretty well. I did get lots of veggies, a few shrimp with a little cocktail sauce, a spinach-y baked thing that had breadcrumbs in it, a tiny spoon of some sour cream dip and 3 cubes of bread to dip it in, and some fruit. There was a little plate of olives on the table. I probably had a dozen olives throughout the evening. And about as many cups of water, too!

There were a lot of little appetizers that just didn't look too appetizing to me....mini taco's, TONS of meatballs. I did put a couple things on my plate that I took a bite of and decided they didn't deserve to be finished. And I skipped the dessert table entirely. There were Giarhadelli (sp?) chocolate squares at each place at the tables we were seated at. Mine was minty. I broke it into 4 pieces and ate one little square then another. I stopped at 2. yay me! Later I did look at the dessert table. The only thing that really looked good was a big ol' chocolate cake. But it was something I would enjoy at home in a binge with some diet Coke to wash it down. Not something I would enjoy nearly as much in public. Hello...I'm Noelle...and I have some eating disorders...

Anyway. I still went home feeling bloated. I don't know if it was all the water or all the olives or just the fact that I had on control top nylons that I NEVER wear. (BTW, recently I had to buy nylons. It was the first time in over a decade that I bought size B and not queen size.)

I know too often during the holidays we use each and every celebration to just go crazy and eat whatever is in sight. But we have another party tomorrow night and some friends are taking us to dinner on Sunday night. I can't afford (weight wise) to enjoy each of those occaisions like there is not another meal in my future. So I will try to pick and choose wisely the next week. Last night felt like a success. I didn't track. I didn't feel deprived. But I didn't eat with abandon either.

Oh, and I don't really like wine so I didn't have any of that either. Last week at my meeting, my leader shared a stat that said we up our liquid calorie intake three times during the holidays what with all the alcohol and extra trips to Starbucks while we are out shopping. YUCK

OK, going to try to get a quick nap before the bus drops kids off in half an hour. Send me some good health vibes, OK?

core vs. flex

Kathy's comment about what she will and won't snack on and Skinny Guy's comment about going to CORE for maintenance got me thinking...

It talks about switching more often that weekly between the two plans when you are on maintenance. Like doing CORE during the week (when life is structured and usually easier) and FLEX for the weekends (for when those splurges are more often). Because with maintenance on CORE you get like 63 WPA or some outrageously crazy number like that. I have always been hesitant to do CORE since I love my baked things and such. FLEX has taught me to enjoy them more judiciously, though.

So maybe I need to look into the CORE thing a little closer. My day so far has definitely NOT been CORE friendly. Bagel and light cream cheese for breakfast, granola for a snack, turkey sandwich and cabbage salad for lunch, apple for snack and some crackery things for snack too.

Very carb heavy day, huh? Not typical for me. But I am fighting a cold and just don't feel good. (That's my version of an excuse!!! LOL)

I have 7 points plus my 2 AP's for dinner. That's really do-able for me. I know some people talk about the night being so hard with food and snacking. That's not typically my issue. I am STARVING in the morning...and my "hard time" is afterschool when everyone is having their snack. But after dinner I'm usually not very interested in munching...I'm usually dozing in front of the TV by 9:15 anyway!

Now I just have to get my week 1 book back from my neighbor so I can see what CORE is really about...back to basics, right Kathy?

hypocrite

Yep, that's me! What did I say about not eating crap for emotional reasons?

Not really sure why, but as the kids got off the bus yesterday, I found myself grabbing the bag of chips and munching away. I was kind of hungry and feeling stressed and just feeling crappy from my cold...I did switch to pea pods and dip, but it didn't feel the same.

I had to run one of my son's to drum lessons and I grabbed a few more chips before that. The good news though? I looked in the bag and realized the chips were almost gone. Instead of calling it a loss and just finishing them off, I decided I would NOT finish that bag of chips and put them back in the pantry. Hopefully one of the kids will eat them before I grab them again.

I listened to my body, though, and didn't eat dinner. The kids were having a box (OK two boxes, and it should have been three to fill them up) of mac and cheese for dinner. I had planned on a turkey sandwich and some cabbage salad. I had the cabbage but wasn't really hungry so skipped the sandwich. I had had turkey soup for lunch and and egg for breakfast so I was doing OK protein wise...and I'd had yogurt and string cheese for snack. So I just let it go.

I didn't go to bed hungry or wake up starved so I guess it all worked out. I finished my day using one flex point. So pointwise I didn't go over much but I didn't use my points as well as I could have either.

It's a new day and I'll try to do better. But I had to confess my chip transgressions!

balance

This is interesging...trying to find the balance between losing and maintaining. I guess I have never really had a lot of experience just maintaining a weight. No, that's not true. I have maintained my weight for months at a time, but then if it would go up I didn't really know how to reign it in.

This is a great feeling, though, to not be "dieting" but just vigilant about what I am eating. My walking partner asked me this morning if I would continue to eat the WW way now that I am maintaining.

I said yes, but that in many ways I had always eaten that way. I have always loved whole grains and veggies. I haven't always chosen lean meats or dairy. I think meat is one thing that I have really cut my portions back with. I used to really love my beef and pork and chicken. I still do, but I don't eat as much of them as I used to. I eat a 3-4 oz portion and save those other points for treats.

And treats...that is one area that I have really changed my mindset. Mama time used to mean eat time. I ate if I was tired, if I was stressed, if I was worried, if I was just happy to be by myself for a little while. I have really learned with WW that eating for any of those reasons is really not worth it. Eating when I am tired or stressed or emotional doesn't really make me feel better. It takes my mind off the emotion for a little while, but it's still there. Then I have the excess calories to contend with. And I have had too many carb-y slumps to pull myself out of to really say it was worth it.

Now my mama time is my daily walk...or reading blogs or writing on my blog. Or searching for new recipes for something I am craving. I am trying to learn ways of dealing with my feelings that are helpful to me and not something that makes me feel guilty later.

So yeah, I guess I will keep eating the WW way. That is such a big ambiguous thing, but the way it has worked for me will continue to keep me healthy. So why not?

what the???

I was so apprehensive about going to WI today. I totally went overboard last Sunday. I ate a lot on Thanksgiving. But I was really restrictive with myself the rest of the week. Yesterday I drank a TON of water...even last night I was guzzling the stuff.

This morning at WI? I was down 1.6 for the week. I should have posted a warning that if you gained this week you may not want to read on because you might be pissed. I honestly don't know how that happened.

But I am thankful!!! So the receptionist told me to add another daily point. That brings me to 28 daily points plus my 35 WPA. That is a lot. I think I need to change my mindset in some ways, too. I am always concerned about going over so I stick to low point foods. Maybe it's OK to indulge a little more? Hot damn is all I have to say to that!

I know for me there will be a fine line between indulging a little and bingeing. But like maybe I could have a whole sandwhich now instead of just a half? And maybe the next time we have burritos I can eat the plain old flour tortilla with beans and regular cheese and regular sour cream? OK, maybe a whole wheat tortilla with regular dairy?

After all the changes I've made in the past year, it does seem really strange to let some of that go. But I will just continue to watch the scale and follow that as my lead.

this is complicated

In some ways, this whole maintenance thing has been easy (since I am just finishing the first week! LOL), but Thanksgiving yesterday and our big party last Sunday make it complicated.

I went overboard with the chips and dip on Sunday at the party. Then I ate well on Mon, Tues and Wed. I watched the scale come down each morning a little more until yesterday I weighed 153.6. Perfect!!! But then there's the Thanksgiving thing. I really tried to make good choices. I skipped the mashed potatoes. Honestly, they were yummy (I tasted for seasoning) but they are the same old mashed potatoes I make every week, so why eat them when I could have something else? And I tried to have lots of veggies, too. But I was on my feet in the kitchen for hours all day. And I did not drink hardly any water. I don't know why I just want to drink diet coke when I am in the kitchen. So unhelpful for me! Oh, the big cheese plate that D made yesterday while I was cooking didn't do me any favors either!

But all in all, I was happy with myself. I tried to make good choices, but more importantly I didn't start TODAY with the holiday mindset. I have TONS of leftovers (after spending a day and half in the kitchen I don't plan on cooking again untill Monday!!!), but I had a healthy and low point breakfast that I knew would hold me for the morning (bear mush with a little cooked pumpkin). Then I sat down and planned out my morning snacks (which I didn't eat) and my lunch of turkey sandwhich and some leftovers. I will have some of that for dinner as well, but with potion control in mind for sure.

This morning I was up 3 pounds from yesterday morning. I know it's not all a real gain, but I do have to WI in the morning...and be under 157!!! Though I haven't seen that number since September sometime, I wouldn't be surprised to see a gain tommorrow.

My leader reminded us all that we need to go to the meeting this week, but whether or not we WI is up to us. Except for me. I have to WI as part of my maintenance. But it's good to not fear the scale so much now.

I really need to get my head around this new thinner me. I do have a hard time realizing that I am not so heavy as I used to be. Not that I still have the fat girl mindset that ruled me for too long...the one that weighed obsessively, starved myself after a binge, took a laxative out of guilt for what I'd eaten that day. And not the fat girl mindset I still get that feels like, well, I've eaten all but 3 cookies, I may as well finish them off. There are just a couple bites of that left, I'll just finish it.

But I really have a hard time realizing that I am kind of thin. I know my BMI still puts me at overweight. And a size 10 isn't tiny. But the other day at Target I saw some other women go into Target. They are women that I would think of as thin. They were looking at some sweaters and I heard, "can you find a medium?" It hit me that I wear a medium, too. I wear the same size as these thin women. Does that mean other people think I am thin?

Now, don't get my wrong, I don't have some totally distorted image of myself...I do see big changes in myself. I know I could lose more weight and still be healthy. I am really not interested in losing more weight right now. I am happy with this body. But I am just having a hard time getting used to it. I am still midly surprised every time I put on my jeans and they fit. And yesterday I wore my size 8 skirt and it wasn't even snug. That is just so unbelievable to me sometimes.

BTW, I have been having internet issues the past couple days. I have read up on you all but I haven't been able to post many comments. I hope you all have had a great holiday...and that we can all go into December ready to celebrate and not just pig out on a daily basis.

I am so thankful for all of your support. I totally feel like you are my WW meeting whenever I just need a little boost!

maintenance

I have arrived!!!

I talked with my leader this morning and my new WW goal is set for 155. She really wants us to have WW Lifetime goals that are maintainable for LIFE not just a little while. I have been under 155 for a few weeks now, but this is my first official week of maintenance. Just in time for Thanksgiving! LOL

I have reset my ticker at the top and updated my sidebar. I have also removed my Christmas Challenge stuff. I don't know that I want to go down to 145...and I sure don't need the added stress of trying to get there at this time of year. For me, every week that passed and I wasn't getting way closer just added stress and feelings of frustration with myself. I don't need any more of that these days.

So my personal goal is 152...that is the lowest number I have seen on the WW scale since I started this journey. Who am I kidding, that is the lowest number I have seen on the scale in more than 15 years! I do feel really good about my body right now. I want to just maintain my weight and exercise plan (morning walks with the neighbor) through the end of the year. In January I'd like to start working on toning my flabby belly some more, but I'm not pushing it in the next 6 weeks. This is good for now.

I'm kind of rambling. I'm really excited right now. And I am still anxious about Thanksgiving coming up. But I am the one cooking so I can control what is prepared and offered. And like my leader said this morning, it's a holiDAY not a holiWEEK. I have one meal on Thursday that will be huge. Other than that I need to just keep it all in check.

Oh, and this morning marked my TOM's arrival, too, so I may see a little loss later this week when that disappears. But then again, it's Thanksgiving so who knows. And my goal is just to MAINTAIN now, so I don't have to worry about a loss. What a relief!!!

hard week

So I had said that this week would turn out OK after my big weekend as long as I kept it all close to my daily points all week, right?

There has been more eating out this week than I can remember in a LOOOOONG time. We just don't usually spend the money on food out. I like to cook and we just can't afford to dine out. So BIL #1 took us to pizza Sunday night. MMMMM. Monday was a great OP day. Tuesday was a good day, too. I was having some "tummy troubles" (I think it was my belly rebelling from all the pizza on Sunday). Then Wednesday we had the funeral, graveside service and then went to the family dinner at Country buffet...at 2 pm when I was STARVING!!!!

I had a big salad with lite Italian dressing, a baked potato with tons of salsa and jalapeno slices, some steamed broccoli, little broiled fish fillet and some grilled veggies. For dessert, I chose a little bit of SF vanilla soft serve and a couple bites of hot fudge cake. I wasn't stuffed by any means...but I still just felt icky! D tried not to eat too much either, but his belly was really upset. When you don't eat food out too often, I guess your body just isn't used to it.

Anyway, we decided to just take it easy for dinner. Like leftovers or cereal or whatever. I didn't really want to eat and neither did D. But then BIL #2 (who is diabetic) needed to eat something. He offered to pay for pizza for us all. D ordered from a place we had never had before. I HAD to taste it, right?! It was yummy...and I had 2 squares. It was an extra large pizza cut into 20 squares...my 2 couldn't be too bad right?

I was totally full after that. Yesterday I tried to do well. And I did, too. I had a great OP monring at work. I took Jack E and Kelli with me to take care of my twins. Busy day for sure! And everything I tried to eat, I had 4 little mouths asking for a bite! We got home around 2 and all 3 of us took a nap. When I woke up I was starving again. And I was alone. Big kids weren't home from school and the little kids were both asleep. That leftover pizza was calling my name.

I had 3 squares at 3 in the afternoon. But then that wound up being my dinner since I was so full. I actually stayed close to my daily points yesterday, I just didn't really make the greatest choices.

Needless to say, my morning scale reading has been all over the place this week. I have been up a lot and back down a lot...today I'm lower than my last Saturday's WI, but not as low as Tuesday morning. I'm hoping to get lots of water today and just let the chips fall where they may. This week has been completely abnormal for me so I'm not terribly concerned about what the scale says.

I need to get some stuff done around here. My twins and their brother are coming over tonight while their parents have a date night. I need to make it at least LOOK like I clean my house sometimes! LOL

I'll be back tomorrow to let you all know how my WI goes and how my leader responds to my saying I want 155 to be my goal.

plodding along

Sunday was hard, food wise. I just had that bottomless pit feeling in the morning so I ate a lot at breakfast. For lunch, we just came home from church and had sandwiches and chips and fruit. I overdid it with the chips I know. Then my big boys decided they wanted to take our visiting uncle to Beau Jo's for dinner. This is a local place known for it's Mountain Pies and big crust on the edges which they serve honey for. Their pizza is truly fabulous. And they have a buffet Sunday nights where the kids pay 50¢ for every year old they are. They lose money on my big boys, I think.

I did as well as I could have. I had a big salad from the salad bar with only V&O for dressing. Then I decided to let myself eat 2 slices of pizza. They had 3 "plain" pizzas (chesse, pepperoni and sausage) and then 3 "special" pizzas. I couldn't decide so had all 3 special pizzas. After I finished I totally wanted more. But I sat and just hung out. Then I realized that I was really stuffed. I did eat a couple extra crusts from the kids with that yummy honey, but I did stay pretty close to my plan.

Yesterday the scale rewarded me with a big 3 pound gain. I hate that!!! Even though I know it's probably just transient, it always scares the crap out of me!

Today I was down 4 pounds from yesterday...THANK GOD!!! I really tried to get lots of water and just stay within my daily points. I did go over by 2, but not too bad considering all the junk I ate on the weekend. That's always hard when I eat with abandon on the weekend. It's hard to jump back on the wagon. So I think that after the weekend I had 2 flexies left. Those were eaten yesterday so I need to keep it in check all week.

Looking back at my food journals for the past few weeks, I realized that I didn't neccessarily eat more points all week last week than in the past. But I normally have big weekends and then stay pretty close to my target during the week. Since I weigh in on Saturdays, that totally works for me. Last week I had more high days just throughout the week even though my weekend wasn't that big. So I guess these are just the normal fluctuations of the scale, but I saw that big gain when I didn't want one.

Did that make sense? LOL

I haven't officially reset my WW goal though I think I can do it online if I want to. I do think that I will reset it for 155. That gives me a cushion for those monthly scale fluctuations. And even though I want to start the maintenance phase, I don't by any means think that I am 'done' or 'healed' from my weight issues. In fact yesterday I signed up for Spark People to see how my days were coming together. I feel like I don't get enough protein...too many carbs, and that was confirmed yesterday. But I agree with Randi that it's a pain in the butt to input all that stuff. That's why I stopped doing my WW tracker online...I don't have the patience to input all that when I can just scribble it down in my journal.

I am on my WW wagon other than the pizza and chips on Sunday. So I'll just wait till the weekend and see what happens at my meeting on Saturday.

I've had many interruptions in the past couple of paragraphs, can you tell? I guess my kids are done with my bloggin for the morning!

up again

I was up 2.2 at weigh in yesterday. Not sure what that was about. Yes, I haven't had the greatest week, but I didn't think it was that bad. I don't eat out of stress as much as I used to, but I do drink a lot more diet Coke and a lot less water when I am stressed out. Maybe that's it?

Anyway. I am also starting to rethink my goal. I have talked about this before how I set my numbers based on the WW chart and what I weighed in high school. I am not sure I care so much about that number right now.

I honestly feel good as a size 10. I never thought I would wear that. And each morning when I pull on my jeans I am pleasantly surprised to see that they still fit!

I want to work on the muscle tone in my belly, for sure. But I don't feel like I have a ton more belly fat that I need to get rid of. Is my belly flat? Nope, but I am 37 and have been pregnant A LOT in the past 12 years...often with less than 18 months between pregnancies. i don't expect to have my belly look like it did when I was 17, so why do I need to focus on that same number?

I guess this week has been refocusing for me. Maybe my priorities have changed a little. I don't know. But I think I may be done with losing and ready to focus on maintenance. I sent an email to my leader this morning asking what she thinks. I'll wait to see what she says and then make a decision.

What do you think, Kathy?

party pooper

Yeah I'm one. I got tagged and I just don't want to play right now.

Hubby and I went to visit his very sick unlce last night and he died within minutes of us walking into the house.

I don't want to play today.

Sorry...and thanks for the kind words the other day. You all are so great. I'll share some trivial facts when I'm feeling a little more fun.

one of those days

I had to go to a thing this morning that was just a little stressful...and I just feel out of sorts this afternoon. I haven't been drinking my water like I should. And I wanted to just EAT to relieve some stress after my lunch. I thought for a long time aobut what I should binge on. I had some bread and butter...then a piece of chocolate. Totally not good choices...not a good idea.

Do I feel better? A little, but I wish I could forget about making dinner tonight. Unfortunately we had spaghetti last night. So that easy not really cooking meal is done. And we can't afford to go out. So I guess I will be heading into the kitchen soon to start making our dinner. Chicken pot pie is my plan. D just brought home some yummy looking veggies from our farm share, so I'll use some leeks, yukon gold potatoes, carrots and fresh broccli and fresh celery in the filling with the chicken. This recipe just uses thickened chicken stock as the base so it's a lot lower in fat than other versions.

I guess it's time to move on from my emotional eating, go to the kitchen and get on with my life. And I think I should have a drink of water.

I was reading some other blogs and saw this silly thing about Starbucks. Since hubby works there and I don't like coffee, I tried it. You can click here and do your own.

The all-knowing Oracle of Starbucks
Behold the Oracle's wisdom:

Personality type: Hippie

In addition to being a hippie, you are a hypochondriac and a health nut. You secretly think that your insistence on only consuming all-natural products is because you're so intelligent and well-informed; it's actually because you're a sucker. You've dabbled in Wicca or other pseudo-religions that attract morons and have changed your sexual orientation a few times this year. You probably live in California. Everyone who drinks grande soy 2 pump chai latte should be forced to eat a McDonald's bacon cheeseburger.

Also drinks: Beverages with lots of marketing that says they're herbal and organic
Can also be found at: Whole Foods, indoor rock climbing facilities

OK...that is kinda true. I am a little hippie-ish. My college roommate and I had beads in our doorway, a futon and pillows for furniture and hung tie dyed sheets on our walls for decoration. I totally can and freeze stuff for my family. I love to cook from scratch so I can avoid a lot of additives in our food. But I swear I have diet Coke in my veins because I drink so much of it.

Anyway...good for killing a little time.

The weekend around here was pretty low key and much better points wise than some weekends have been. I made a yummy soup yesterday in the crock pot. Just browned ground beef, a bag and a half of frozen veggies, some diced tomatoes, onion soup and a can of chick peas. I have been using my old standard Better Homes and Gardens cookbook a lot lately. It just has so many basic things in it. And most of the recipes don't have a lot of prepackaged food in them. It was so yummy just to have a big ol' pot of soup for us. I made a big salad, too. Emma thought she'd have some. Now that she's a big 1st grader and eating lunch at school every day she often will choose to have a small salad with lunch there. She didn't like mine because I used spinach instead of lettuce.

More for mama!

One of the things I really love about WW is being able to eat things that just taste so good to me. I have always been someone who chooses vegetables and whole grains. I like the taste of them. But it's easy for me to overdo it on fried stuff or ice cream, too, don't get me wrong. I didn't get up to 193 by pigging out on whole wheat veggie wraps!

Today for lunch I packed a turkey sandwich on Double Fiber bread. I had tons of lettuce and a little lite mayo. When I was ready to eat it, I added some sliced tomato. It was just so yummy. I didn't feel like I was eating diet-y food at all. I also had some leftover salad from yesterday. I had a little reduced fat feta on it and just red wine vinegar to dress it. It just tasted really good to me. I think that is part of why I am so excited to be nearing maintenance with WW. I will be able to have that occaisional splurge without guilt, but I will also be able to eat food that I like and is good for me.

I love that.

41 down, 2 to go

Can you believe that? I lost 1.6 this week!!! That means I am 2 pounds from that Lifetime/Maintenance thing with WW!!!

I honestly didn't think this would take so long. But I have a lifetime of bad habits to break. I have been a binge eater, a stress eater, a mindless eater, a tired mama who rewarded herself with LOTS of junk food during naps and after bedtime...so it's no wonder it's taken me 11 months to get this far.

I am so excited to know that I am doing a program I can maintain. I have never felt that with any other "diet" that I have done. Slimfast only worked as long as I drank my shakes...well, actually I gained weight after I got pregnant with my oldest. The low carb thing is NOT a lifestyle program for me. I just like my carbs too much. And I gained that weigh back when I got pregnant with my 4th. Neither of those "diet"s taught me how to live after those babies were born. I finally feel like I have the tools to maintain this weight. I guess that is the goal of WW, right?

I stopped at Krispy Kreme on the way home from WI and got a dozen for the kids. I put them on the back seat so they wouldn't' be just sitting there temptin me. Then I went to Einstein's and got my bagel treat. So far no doughnuts for me. I know they aren't inherently evil...but just a lot of points...and they have that addicting quality that makes me want more and more. Why is it my kids can have one and be satisfied? I guess I've done something right, huh?

And I have still not had any Halloween candy. To be honest, yesterday Trey gave me a nibble of a nestle crunch crisp. It was like a cross between a kit kat and crucnh bar. Those are 2 of my favorites. I just had a TINY nibble. The kids still have tons of candy sitting around. And they have eaten like 2 for afterschool snack and 2 after dinner each day. I'm so proud of them for not just pigging out! I have taught them well. Candy isn't bad...it has its place in a balanced diet...but it's important to have lots of healthy food too.

YAY for my kids!!!

BTW...the doughnuts are now gone. A dozen doughnuts and 6 kiddos is a PERFECT combination! :o)

Just work the program!

Being this close to goal, it's hard to just stay patient. This morning the scale was up 2 pounds from yesterday morning. I've cut back to weighing every morning from the 10-20 times a day I was doing in the summer. It was literally part of my potty ritual, getting on the scale before and after. I guess that's a little hold over from my eating disorder days.

Anyway, the scale was up today. Was it the chicken stir fry last night? Was yesterday a fluke? I don't know...all I know is that I have to just follow the program. I have lost nearly 40 pounds that way. I haven't had any Halloween candy this year. NONE...and you know there is a ton around here. It just doesn't sound so tempting now that I am not gorging myself daily on sugar. I did have a skinny cow last night. I wanted a treat that would satisfy me...and take longer to enjoy.

I have earned 14 AP's this week, too. I did a walk/run on Saturday, then the neighbor and I have walked every morning but Tuesday this week. That's big progress for me, too.

So I just wait. Will I be below the 40 pound mark tomorrow at weigh in? I sure as hell hope so since I was only .6 from it last week. I really want to be at goal to know I have accomplished that. But really not a lot will change for me. So why am I in such a hurry?

so far so good

It's now the day after Halloween and I have yet to eat any of the kids' candy. This morning the scale said 151.6. So close to that 150 mark.

Yesterday was a great OP day. I have really focused on eating well this week and it has felt great. Tons of water this week, too. I did have a little 100 cal pack of cookies on the way home from work. That was my treat/stress eating moment. I so want to keep this up and be oh so very close to goal at weigh in on Saturday.

I was just not in the mood for our walk this morning. The good thing about going with a neighbor at the crack of dawn is that I just about HAVE to get up and go. I know she will be waiting for me and I don't want her standing outside in the dark by herself. Yesterday we did our hilly route. I felt like I did great...we had a really great pace going. Today I was just tired and cold. At least we went, right? That's 3 walks this week and we are on planning on tomorrow, too. I really hope tomorrow is warmer.

I'm totally rambling right now, but I wanted to add that anothe of my neighbors and her coworker are joining WW tonight. I gave her the little "get your friends to join" flyer they had out last week. I also gave her my first week book to look at. I wanted her to know what it was really like. Her work (a public school) will pay for some of her fees, too. I am so excited for her! I told her to make sure they take their measurements tonight, too, so they can gauge their progress that way too. I should get a commission. This is the second person I have gotten to sign up for WW. It has worked so amazingly well for me...I can't help but think it's an awesome program.

Happy November everyone!

what did I do?

This afternoon I just got STRESSED! I think trying to get dinner together before we had to go to Aleena's bad concert while everyone was wanting me to help with their costumes and do homework and Trey didn't get his carpool ride home from band and Jack E was totally a fuss and....

Yeah I was stressed. I was putting together a stew for dinner. D said he didn't think it would be ready in time. I assured him it would. Then I realized like 5 minutes later that it wouldn't. Now I have to figure out how to feed us dinner in about 10 minutes. Ummmmm....I got a loaf of wheat french bread from the freezer, a jar of italian tomato sauce from the pantry and pepperoni shredded cheese from the fridge. Sliced that bread up and made little pizzas.

It was fine for everyone. Except remember that I am stressed out? I think I ate 3 slices of the stuff. It was not light on the cheese. I had pepporoni. So much for motivation. Oh...and I am totally bloated now too.

Tuesday already?

It's been crazy around here the past couple of days. We had a good weekend. It was busy picking up, cleaning up and hanging out with friends. Yesterday was a great one for me. I walked early, went to work, helped kids with homework, made a big dinner, cleaned the kitchen (again!) and watched D carve 3 pumpkins with the kids. This morning I had a nasty headache so I didn't get up to walk. I decided to sleep another hour instead. I will go tomorrow morning even though I have to leave for work by 7. It just means I have to be organized tonight so I don't have much to do in the morning except for get myself ready. Tonight Aleena has a band concert so we have to do dinner quickly and then get out the door for that. Thankfully the school is 2 blocks away so we can push it til the last minute.

So, foodwise how was the weekend? I felt so So SO very motivated after my weigh in. I came home and had my bagel and just 1 bite of a doughnut as I threw the last one in the trash. We were picking up and I was just so crabby with the kids. I decided to go for a walk before we had to get ready to go to our friends'. That was really good for me. I walked the path by our house and ran some. I got in 45 minutes so I felt really good about that. My friend had made pumpkin muffins so she didn't really want pumpkin cookies. She was getting ready to make brownies, too, so there was that. I was kind of worried about how I would do walking into the door to snacky foods. I decided to stop and get a soy chai at Starbucks. Besides then I could say hello to my hubby!

The chai left me with a yuumy sweet taste in my mouth, I felt warm and I really wasn't hungry for a while. It was a splurge at 5 points, but I typically use a lot of flex on the weekends for those kinds of treats. It worked. There were no "snacks" out except for pumpkin chocolate chip muffins and corn bread muffins. I wasn't interested in those thanks to that sweet feeling I already had going on. I did have some chili, but skipped the sour cream and cheese and corn chips. I ate half of Jack E's brownie and some of Emma's ice cream cone, but I didn't get into my flexies too terribly badly.

Sunday I did really well with food choices too. We had friends over for pizza and I made a big ol' salad. I ate a ton of that and just a tiny square of pizza. It disappeared pretty fast so there wasn't much temptaion! My trouble came with Emma's homemade brownies! I had one and then nibbled a little when I was cleaning up. I counted it as 2 brownies. So I dipped into my flexies a little more, but I also overestimated for what I ate, too.

Yesterday I was so hungry in the afternoon. I ate my lunch early at work and then was really hungry in the afternoon while everyone was getting home from school I had some cottage cheese and some other little snacks. I didn't leave myself many points for dinner. But by then I wasn't really hungry! I made a salad for me and ate a little of the other stuff with the family. My trouble came (again!) when everyone was standing around planning their Jack-o-lanterns and eating a cookie or two. Trey and I finished off the last of the brownies!!! That means that I had half of 2 of them. I like the middles and he likes the edges. Not bad considering the munchies I had all afternoon. I drank a TON of water yesterday too. It just felt good to drink it yesterday.

I am trying to focus on the Good Health Guidelines this week. I don't always get enough protein or dairy so I am working on that. I know that maintenance is coming. I keep thinking of how I will be eating in a few more weeks when I am not trying to lose anymore. I know that if it weren't for WW, I would probably quit right now and decide that this was good enough. But since I set out with that goal of 150, I am determined to get there. And I am determined to stay there, too.

I feel like I am kind of rambling now.

Halloween is tomorrow and I am not sure what I will do with the treats. We don't have anything in our "pass out" bowl that is tempting me. But what about the stuff they bring home? I think I will leave myself some points for a treat but then really REALLY consider if I want a treat or not. Is it worth it? I sooooo want to be at my goal this week. I highly doubt it will happen, but I still want to lose 3.6 pounds this week. You know I will be weighing in on this side of naked, don't you?!?! LOL

weigh in update

I was down 2 whole pounds today. Thank GOD!!! It is so hard to be sitting here so very close to goal. I am less than 4 pounds from my WW goal...that is soooo close. The bummer is I don't think I will be there be next week which was a goal of mine. But I will be able to say that I have lost 40 pounds next week. And that will still be a great thing. At least I hope so, huh, Becky?

So I keep plugging away, knowing that maintenance will start for me very soon. I'll be there right at the holidays. How great it will be to be thin at the holidays this year and know that I will be in control and not gaining weight. I sure hope anyway. At least not a gain like i have had in the past anyway.

Just went to the store after my meeting and brought home doughnuts for the kiddos...and a fresh bagel for me. That is my weekend indulgence, a fresh bakery bagel...not an alternative, 1 point one, though those are fine for during the week. But now I have to get the kids to finish off the doughnuts before I dip into them. It's one of those things that I would just eat because it's sitting there...and then before I know it the bite has turned into 2 and a half doughnuts! So I just won't take a bite, rught? Not get the taste in my mouth. Because those grocery store things are really NOT worth it.

Time to pick up and get these kiddos motivated to do something around here. We're going to see some friends tonight and watch the World Series game with them. We're having chili there. And I am going to either take the evil pumpkin cookies to share or take the stuff and bake them there. That way I know I can have a little dessert and know EXACTLY what I am in for. This has always been my super skinny friend. Even after having 4 kids, she was still like a size 6. But she has always had really amazing eating habits. Tons of fruits and veggies...lean meats...total moderation. Then they moved here and she has relied on more and more fast food. She gained a little...but then lost a bunch last summer, too. (I inspired my skinny friend to lose weight!)

So all that to say, her house is pretty safe food wise. She doesn't have a lot of junk around...and we both push fruit for snacks for our kids so there are always an abundance of "healthy choices" around. Not really too worried about the night. Unless she makes guacamole. Hers is totally awesome. And then I eat it with chips so just totally too much munching. I guess I could actually put it on a plate and have a serving instead of standing over the bowl just mindlessly eating, huh? Maybe I'll try that! LOL

I just put those pumpkin cookies through the recipe builder using the nutrionals from the spice cake mix that I use. They came out to 2 points each!!! Maybe that is why I gained a pound the week before last when I was having 2 or 3 a day and calling them all one point!

Friday is for being lazy

I'm just doing a lot of sitting around today, I swear. Little bit of laundry...pick up a little...that's about it. I've been reading all the blogs I try to keep up with. One got me thinking about how food can have such power over me sometimes.

I was reading here about her love of the baked goods, especially brownies. I can so totally relate. I have been there so many times. I totally love my baked goods along with a diet Coke to wash it all down! LOL

But it's amazing to me that I can go for so long without it being an issue for me. You know those brownies that gave me trouble on the weekend? The last few are still in the pan on my dining room table. Thay have been moved for dinner and replaced, but no one in my family has gotten into them. Why? Why are they not getting to me now? Did I just get my fill the other night? As I sit here now thinking of them, they just don't sound very appetizing either.

Another thing...this morning on the way to the bus stop, my thin neighbor who always goes to the gym right after her girls get on the bus, tells me how great I am looking. She's lived here about 3 and a half years...saw me before pregnancy #6, during that, and in my postpartum size 18 glory days. She knows that I really do look good now! :p We were talking about something, and she asked if I had sampled one of the "treats" her girls had made and "boo-ed" us with. WARNING: This description may cause cravings in some of you. They are little waffle shaped pretzels with a pecan half "glued" on with melted chocolate. I warned you!

The little bag of them has been sitting on my counter for over a week. Some of my kids have had 1 or 2, some are not into the nut thing. I have looked at them a couple of times, and, honestly, they make my teeth hurt to look at them. I also think that if I had one I would eat the rest of them. Then I would have the whole guilt thing and post sugar binge crash thing. It just doesn't seem worth it.

This is such a new thing for me. I have been the biggest binge eater most of my life. I have spent countless nights on the couch I am currently blogging from devouring entire pints of Ben and Jerry's or Dreamery or whatever ice cream I could find. I guess this is the beginnig of getting rid of my "fat girl" mentality. Those treats don't seem worth it. Or like the other day, I get a craving so I make a more healthful alternative.

I still have my issues, trust me. But maybe longer stretches between binges means I really am making progress.

BTW, I just scared the HELL out of my hubby. He came home from work a little while ago and I told him, I would seriously do about anything for some fries and ketchup. Keep in mind that I have been puking, tired and waaaaay moody. I am also currently having my TOM so no worries...but it's funny to see the look on his face.

I think I am just craving a different kind of crap from baked goods. The good news? I have nothing similar to a McDonald's in my kitchen and it would take MUCH convincing of myself to get in the car and drive the mile and a half to the nearest McD's. Then again, Burger King and Wendy's are closer!!!

Just kidding! And yes, mom, I am SURE I am NOT pregnant!

the flu again?

So the lentil soup sounded good to some of you? I may never eat it again since I wound up with the flu once again in the night after we had it. I'll spare you the details, but I spent the hours from midnight till noon on Wednesday making sure my stomach was empty. It was a different bug from last time though! :o) It only lasted for the 12 hours or so. I slept most of the day yesterday, went to work today and now could go to bed for the night.

I think D has about had enough of my being sick. He doesn't like it, he says. When I am sick, he says he gets crabby and sad. He did kick the kids' butts into doing a bunch of chores yesterday though. Thank goodness! And he made dinner last night. And we are having leftovers tonight. I guess my life isn't ALL bad!

I have walked twice this week so far with my neighbor. We are going for 50 minutes. I skipped Wednesday and chose puking instead as my activity. Then this morning, I stayed in bed till the last possible second. Good thing, too, since I was a little dizzy and out of it with the babies today. I actually turned on Baby Einsteins for them. Never done that before! But tomorrow we are back out there for our early walk. I was dreaming about running last night. How weird is that!?

I really want to be at goal soon. At least my WW goal of 150. I just feel so flabby and out of it these past few days. I guess it's the TOM thing. This morning I put on my new jeans, and they fit just fine...not tight at all. So why do I feel like a chubby girl tonight?

Check back with you all tomorrow!!!

delayed gratification

Not something I am normally good at, but today I did it! D brought home a slice of banana nut bread for one of the kiddos to have as a snack. jack E nibbled on it, but then just left it on the counter. IT was sitting there...calling to me. I did break off one little crumb to taste. It was sooooo sweet! So I decided to make some low point banana muffins that I had been looking at online.

I was at Roni's site looking at these whole wheat banana muffins. But I had to tweak them a little to my taste. I'm not crazy about nuts, so I left those off. I left out the applesause and added an extra banana. I used my nonfat vanilla yogurt instead of plain. And I just used 1 Tbsp of brown sugar to sweeten it. Oh, and I used 1/4 c fat free egg substitute instead of the egg whites.

It made 6 big muffins, 2 points each...and really quite yummy! I will probably throw these the last 5 in the freezer and make another batch since I have 2 more black bananas on my counter. But I am so glad I didn't grab the overly sweet, 410 calorie, 17 gram of fat slice that was on my counter!

Some of the blog talk has been about getting out of the same ruts for dinner. I'll share what we will be having. I've been making this for a few years. I started doing it because it was cheap and filling...and it's lasted because it's low in fat, high in fiber and full of veggies.

Crock Pot Lentil Soup

i chopped onion
3 chopped carrots
2 stalks chopped celery, including leafy tops
1 clove garlic, minced
1 large bell pepper, chopped
4 potatoes, diced
1 tsp oregano
1 tsp basil
1 Bay leaf
10 cups water
2 cups dry lentils
1 14.5 oz can diced tomatoes
salt and pepper to taste

That's it. Just throw it all in the crock pot and let it cook all day...probably 6-8 hours on low or 4-5 on high. Today I didn't use potatoes because I had some winter squash I needed to use. I may or may not add some fresh spinach at the end just til it wilts. I like to add a splash or two of vinegar to my bowl. The kids don't do that. And D the carnivore is working late, so tonight we are vegan!

This does make a TON. My 6 quart crock pot is pretty full, but I like the leftovers for lunches. And I adapt this all the time to just whatever I have on hand and what needs to be used. It's kind of like the WW Zero point soup that way...except this has tons of fiber and more protein from the lentils.

Hope somebody (beside me!) likes this one.

confessions

I had great intentions yesterday. Then I ran to the store with the kids after Trey's lacrosse game. It was all fine and good until the checkout. Trey saw the big display of Doritos Collisions. It has two flavors in one bag. Hot Wings and Blue Cheese just sounded toooooo yummy. I thought, no problem, I'll have a few and call it a day.

I did have a few...in the car on the way home. If I would have stopped then, I would have been happy. But the problem with junk food like that is that it's actually processed and produced to make you want more and More and MORE! And because there are two flavors in each bag, I felt like I needed to eat them in pairs. Hot Wings then Blue Cheese. But I didn't so much like the Blue Cheese flavor to end, so then I would grab another Hot Wing chip. UGH! The good news? Trey finished off the bag yesterday afternoon. Wonder if he feels as gross as I do?

My other confession? After dinner last night ("crummy" chicken, broccoli, mashed potatoes, pureed winter squash and a HUGE salad for mama), we cut into Emma's brownies. She made brownies from scratch on Friday afternoon. I was so proud! Watching her melt the butter and unsweetened chocolate on the stove. I was so glad that she realized that brownies are easy to make with just a few ingredients...and no box! That's my personal soapbox, sorry!

I would have been OK with no brownie...or maybe just a little nibble to get the chocolate taste. But since they were sitting in front of me? Yeah, I had that little nibble. Then I had to even out the little section where I cut off my nibble. Then another little nibble. And another. I wound up eating basically 3 brownies!!! The good news? Because I didn't have the right size pan, these were super thin...and according to the recipe, we should have had 16 brownies from that pan. So my indiscretion was only equal to 1 1/2 brownies. Thank GOD! Still not feeling great about that though.

Note to self...one serving of Doritos or one brownie per day is adequate!

So I thought I would get up and do a walk this morning to help in the recovery process. OK, just to alleviate a little of my guilt. It was snowing!!! I thought, it's OK, I can still go. Yeah, I lasted 5 minutes, down my street and back again. It wasn't that it was that cold, it was the wet snow hitting my face that got to me. So if it clears up, I really want to go out later today.

D was given club level tickets to the Broncos game for tonight. Lucky him. We aren't even really football fans here. He's more excited to know that there is a comped buffet there more than anything else. And he can watch the game from inside so he'll be out of the snow. So if you see the game tonight, think of my dh sitting there pigging out on free food! And me at home on the couch with my kiddos...reading the same 3 books to Jack E over and over and over again.