my daughter is a bad infulence!

Aleena is like me. She loves to cook and experiment in the kitchen. That is also one way that she can show her love to her family...by making us something special. Last week I came home from work and she had made this pasta dish with a lemony olive oil sauce. It was quite interesting, and she had just made it up from the things she found in the kitchen. She was up to baking this afternoon so today's "something special" was problematic for mama.

Aleena was following a recipe in her junior cook book. She was to use cherry pie filling and refrigerated pie crusts to make little turnover things. They were very yummy...at least my 2 oldest boys thought so. And mama had a couple too many. uh-oh!

I should have been saving myself but I pigged out. Now I feel gross, but what can I do now other than beat myself up about it? And they were really yummy! LOL

I said I should have been saving myself...D told me over the weekend (or earlier maybe?) that he has found a little cabin for us to borrow for a couple of nights this week. It is our 15th wedding anniversary on Wednesday...and we will get to be ALONE in the mountains! YEAH!!!

I have no idea what we will be eating or how we will be spending our time. I probably should have saved a few flex points for that, huh? I ate them all this weekend so I'm just in trouble I guess. I will get by the best I can. And more than anything I will just enjoy this time away with my husband.

Saturday morning weigh in

I'm not sure if I like going to weigh in on Saturday mornings or not. We had people over last night and I felt like I TOTALLY had to watch myself the whole time. OK, it wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't done what I had earlier.

My oldest daughter needed to be at a birthday party at 5. Our friends were coming over at 5:30-6. Aleena and I left the house at 4:30...quick stop at Target to pick out a little gift and pick up a couple extra things for the night. All is well except I forgot that the party was way the heck out in Parker!!! I totally forgot where they lived...I thought it was about 10 minutes away. NOPE...with traffic it was like 30 minutes.

So I get Aleena there late. They were fine with it...she was fine with it...but I knew I had to get back home in total traffic...and still finish getting stuff ready for the night. The 2 couples that came over are very cool and laid back so it was no pressure to impress them. I just hate inviting people over then not even being there when they arrive.

So what did I do that was so bad? On the way back home, I am stressed out. I am starving. There is a new bag of chips SCREAMING to me to indulge. I managaed to stay out of the chips while Aleena was in the car. But as soon as I was alone...it was too tempting. I thought I'd just have a couple. YEAH RIGHT!!!

I didn't finish the bag. But I really did eat a TON of them on the way home.

The good news? I wasn't hungry for dinner so I didn't eat anything but salad with a little fat free dressing.

But I did eat some dessert. I had a little apple crisp (that I made with my home canned apple pie filling...YUMMY!!!) with a little low fat whipped cream on top. I totally didn't eat a brownie (from a mix...not as tempting! LOL) or any ice cream, though. I tried to drink lots of water to compensate for all the chips, too.

All in all, I did have a loss today. Only .6 but that does put me over the 30 pound mark!

I really can't believe I've lost 30 pounds. That's a lot of weight. And I feel so good knowing that I have done it by changing my eating habits, the way I think about food, the way I think about exercise, the way I think about ME! I've done pills and quick diets in the past, but to me those aren't long term things. I gained the weight back...and I didn't know how to lose it again without those fixes.

Now I feel like I have tools to maintain this loss and lose the little that will come with a vacation or holidays or even another pregnancy. (Did you hear that? That was my mom's heart stopping!!!) Not that any of those things are planned...but if they happen, I feel like I could cope with them and not just be totally fat again.

This has been a hard week. I finally succumbed to my little girls' cold. It's no wonder when Emma was crawling into bed with me at 5 am because she couldn't sleep and then coughed all over me for the next hour! Anyway, it has been a miserable summer cold. Congested, achy, sore throat, earaches, even. I am finally feeling better today though. So after the flu last week and with this cold, I haven't been getting out to walk. I really miss it, too, so I am hoping to get back out there tomorrow for a good walk.

Happy weekend all!

monday, monday

It was a good weekend. I posted quickly on Saturday morning that it was a busy day and would only be getting busier. I was in the midst of making strawberry jam and preserves and a marmalade and freezing strawberries. I spent about 4 hours on Friday night "putting up" strawberries. Then I was at it again Saturday morning for another 4 hours or so. I finally processed the rest of my second batch of strawberry preserves (or as I like to call it "Heaven in a Jar"! lol) on Sunday morning. This is the first of many weekends that will be spent in the kitchen putting away fresh produce for winter.

Last summer we joined a CSA. It has been an amazing experience. We go to the farm once a week during the summer and help out in the barn getting things ready for the weekly distribution. Then we bring home a bushel or two (or often more) of whatever was harvested the day before. My kids had so much fun just running around outside. And D and I really enjoyed the hard work and learning about how organic family farming works.

We also were able to can and freeze a lot of things to put away for fall and winter. It was a lot of work. One weekend we froze about 50 ears of corn. That means we blanched them all (put them in boiling water for a minute or two, then put them in ice water), D cut all the corn off the cobs and I put it in Food Saver bags and vacu-sealed it. That was just one weekend of corn. We did that a few times throughout the summer. It seems I was always canning green beans, too. Then there was the zucchini. We got really creative in how we used it fresh, and then I just started shredding it and freezing it in 4 cup bags so I could make bread or zucchini pancakes all winter.

And don't get me started on how many pickles we did last summer!!!

The amazing thing? We ran out of corn in February. I have 4 quarts (2 meals' worth) of green beans still in my basement. We have just a few jars of pickles left. I have 2 loaves of zucchini bread in the freezer left from the last bag of zucchini that we froze. And our only jam left is peach that we made last September. We really used what we put away.

I'm wondering how WW will go for me this summer when I am so very busy in the kitchen for hours on end like that. Friday night I really just ate a piece of salmon that D grilled for me. I never even sat down, just picked at it on the platter while I was hulling strawberries. I probably ate more salmon than I intended to that way. But I never even sat down. Not a good thing, I know, and really not the norm for me. But the 3 oldest kids were on a sleepover so the 3 littles were eating hot dogs and berries for dinner at the picnic table. I do get a little (LITTLE?!) OCD while I am in the kitchen like that. I am just in my zone about getting stuff done and the next batch started.

So how will I do with staying with my plan for summer when I am snapping and canning green beans for an entire Saturday morning? Or making pickles for 3 days straight? I don't take/make the time to eat well while I am doing my kitchen stuff. Will I be able to make good (fast and easy) choices? Will I take the time to really track my daily points? Or will I just be winging some days? And will winging it work as a method to lose the last 13 pounds I want to lose?

I have thought about switching to CORE for the summer. That way I wouldn't have to worry about tracking points at all...other than a few weekly points here and there. On the ohter hand, could I give up my weekend bagels or daily lunch wraps? I don't know. I have a couple more weeks to figure things out. I know things really started getting crazy last year around the beginning of July with making pickles. Then again, we are going to pick more strawberries on Saturday morning, too. I have a few more jam recipes I want to try! LOL

Oh, Kathy. Yep, my hair is naturally curly like that. Good thing, too, 'cuz I am really lazy about doing my hair!

new pic

busy week. busy day. will only get crazier as summer progresses I think. more about that later.

Today I was down .2! Not a gain, thank GOD!!! But still .2 from 30 pounds. Oh, well. I'll celebrate that next week when I can stay for my meeting! LOL

better today

this afternoon I have felt better, but I think I have been making up for lost calories! LOL I have just eaten a TON this afternoon. I think it's because I didn't track this morning (my frozen waffles) and then I just decided to not worry about what I ate today since I've hardly eaten for the past 2 days.

That freedom from writing it down makes it sooooo much easier to eat a snickerdoodle when I am not even hungry. And these are not any old snickerdoodles. No way!!! They are the huge, nine point snickerdoodles from S'bux! Love them!!!

But now I feel a little sick...not like yesterday, but like I have eaten WAY too much today.

Tomorrow I am back to work, and back to eating well, too, I suppose! :P

sicky!

Thanks for the kind words yesterday. I knew I was being TOTALLY irrational when I was bothered that my toenails were painted the wrong color!!! Today my heart feels better about life, but my gut? That's another story!

After we went to church yesterday, we tried to hit a local farmer's market. No produce there to speak of, so we came home to grill and have lunch. I ate a bunch of flamin' hot potato chips while we were getting things ready. Then I started to feel just AWFUL. I thought it was the chips I'd had. I just had a big salad for lunch and some leftover steamed broccoli. I went to lie down later because I honestly thought I was going to throw up.

Well since yesterday everything has gone through me pretty quickly. I have stuck to bananas and bagels, but even that makes me feel naseous. I've just been resting and reading and hanging out yesterday and toady. Feeling pretty lazy, but also feeling pretty yucky.

Now I am craving something heavy like lasagne or pasta. I think my body is trying to make up for lost nutrients maybe?

Hope you all had a better holiday weekend than I!

inadequate

Where did that great feeling from yesterday go? I felt so great while I was on my walk. I had a great weigh in. I had a solid plan to survive a BBQ with friends.

What happened to me?

I walked again this morning with a totally different mindset. I didn't overeat yesterday. I really made good choices. I did eat a ton of fruit salad and pick at the leftover steamed veggies, but whoever really overate eating plain steamed broccoli, cauliflower and carrots or a fruit salad of cantaloupe, watermelon, kiwi and strawberries?!

I don't know where my funk comes from today, but I feel inadequate in every way. I am still too chubby. My skin is so freakin pale. My house is a total mess. My kids don't behave well enough. My life is not good enough.

Man I love clinical depression!!! (can you hear the sarcasm all the way out there?!) Time to go take my prozac I believe!

busy week=end of school

This week has been so busy it seems. I feel like I have been on the run a lot...and I was just a zombie the beginning of the week. I'll explain that in a sec. A few quick things:

1) I am changing my WI day to Saturday for the summer. I don't want to deal with it in the middle of the week and it's just easy to go on Saturday morning while everyone is still hanging out watching Sponge Bob! Today? I was down

2.6!!!!!

This is my lowest weight since starting WW. I guess it shows that if I do my plan and drink my water and go on my walks, I will lose. I was really apprehensive about my weigh in this morning because in many ways I have not done as well as I could have since Tuesday. Then again...it wasn't as bad as it could have been either. I actually ate a Snickers bar on Wednesday afternoon. It's been a long time since I did that! I have tried to eat well but have just felt a little crappy all week because of:

2) I am realizing that my new birth control pill really puts a damper on all my PMS (except a little crabbiness! LOL) but I am WIPED OUT for a couple of days before I start my cycle. I fell asleep at 9 on Monday night, took a nap Tuesday afternoon, took 2 catnaps at work on Wednesday (good reason to love being a nanny for babies who nap twice a day!), was asleep early on Wednesday night, too. Then on Thursday morning...started my cycle. (So yes that means I had a great loss even with TOM!)

I have had tons of interruptions but wanted to add one more thing

3) I went to get my haircut last Sunday. I really got it cut short. I'm still deciding if I like it, but I wanted to share this part. I went to a place I normally don't go for haircuts but I needed a walk in thing. The woman that did my cut has kids the same ages as Clay and Emma. In fact, our kids had gone to preschool together from Jan '04 (when Kelli was a few months old) til last spring (May '06). That means she has seen me with new baby weight and pregnant and trying to get it all off. She is heavier as well. We always kind of bonded as the chubby mama's. You know how it is. When you are overweight, you feel more comfortable talking to the other overweight people and not the size 4 women in the room! She said last week..."Look how skinny you are!" And I am really starting to feel like it, too. I know I am not "skinny" per se, but I am not the size 1X that I used to be either.

Anyway...just had to share that someone who saw me every other day for weeks and months on end boosted my self esteem!

Now that all the kids have left the room, maybe I can add something else, too. I had signed up to do Woman Challenge, but I think I have abandoned it after one week. I was so disappointed last week when I logged all my activity and didn't get all my points since I didn't log activity for every day. I was bummed about that. My goal was to have 120 minutes of activity for the week. That meant 4 walks of 30 minutes each. I did that. But I didn't log other activity for the other days so I didn't get all my points.

That bugs me because I am not sedentary by any means. I have 6 kids and nanny for twins. According to that site, an active person takes 10,000 steps a day. I take 10,000 steps nearly every day. So my kids have come back and I'm not sure where I'm heading with this other than to say. I quit the challenge because it didn't work for me.

Kids are back. Mama needs to go! LOL

half a year at this

I am about to finish my 26th week on weight watchers. That feels like a really long time. I really thought I would have reached my goal by now. Part of me is disappointed in myself. Like, "why can't I just make up my mind and get it off?" Then again, my goal isn't just to lose weight but to find my "inner skinny girl". That will require long term changes. I can't eat a pint of ice cream a couple of times a week, eat way too much a few more times a week and never exercise, and expect to be a skinny girl. I have to change those eating habits, bingeing habits and fitness habits in order for this to be long lasting.

I think part of my deal is that I have never really been at a thin point in my life for very long. I was never skinny in high school, but still healthy. I went to college and gained a little, lost a little. I got married and started gaining. I would lose a little then gain it back. I really started to focus on my eating and fitness a lot when I was 25. I was really proud of my body. Then I got pregnant with Aleena and morning sickness got the best of me. I was pregnant again by the time she was 6 months old...never got all the baby weight off before that. I didn't have all the baby weight off after Trey was born and I was pregnant with Clay either.

I did finally start losing a lot after I weaned Clay at 12 months. I was doing a low carb diet at that point. I had 2 miscarriages before I started a healthy pregnancy with Emma. At that point, I thought I would never be able to eat carbs again and gained 13 pounds in my first trimester! I was eating like CRAZY at that point. I did lose a lot after she was born, but gained a little when we moved to CO and I found out I was pregnant again. That pregnancy lasted only 10 weeks, but left me 10 pounds heavier, too.

Then I was pregnant with Kelli. When she was a few months old, I started doing yoga. I totally loved it and I was really firming up. Then summer came and the kids were home and it was hard to find time to do yoga without an audience. The middle of that summer, a close family friend died while she was housesitting for us. Needless to say, we were thrown for a huge loop at that point.

In the midst of trying to sort out all that, we were going through a lot of family transitions, too. I started working more...and then was pregnant with Jack. It has been hard trying to take off the last bit of weight since he was born, but I did it.

When I decided to join WW, I didn't think it would really be such a process for me. But I have learned how to feed myself well and not just reward myself with junk food because I made it through the day. The care and feeding of mama has become more important. I thought that getting up earlier and walking or working out wouldn't be worth the loss of sleep. But it is. I love having that time to listen to music and reflect and know that I am doing something for myself. I used to lie in bed and just think about it, dozing on and off, and then feel gulity that I didn't do it. I don't know that I am any more tired than I was before, but I do like the feeling of a good walk in the morning.

That was all from a post I started on the weekend, but just didn't get a chance to post. I get frustrated sometimes because I do have more to say than what I ate today, but I don't always have to brain power (or time!) to get it here.

So that's where I am right now. I've finished 26 weeks of WW. Half a year. This is a long process for me. I really think I should still be doing WW another 26 weeks from now. At that point, I really think my personal goal would be realistic, but I am really beginning to see it's not about the numbers at all anymore.

That being said, here is what I ate today! :P

Breakfast
cranberry bagel-6.5
(was planning on a bran muffin but had a little tummy issue last night and didn't think I should start the work day with BRAN!)

snack
Pink Lady apple-1
fresh berries and plain nonfat yogurt-2

pre-Lunch (while feeding the twins I nanny for)
1/2 tortilla-.5

Lunch
flat out wrap with hummus, cucumbers, pepper strips and veggie slaw-2
honey wheat pretzel twists-2

snacks-
cherry tomatoes-0
cherry bran muffin-3

some snack mix-3
(picked the kids up and this was for them but one taste led to another...I'm probably overestimating, though!)

Dinner
1/2 frozen fish fillet-1
(Aleena stole the other half!)
salad with no dressing but lots of free veggies-0

some chocolate cake-3
(Aleena learned the trick of cake mix and diet coke...love that!)

So I took in exactly 24 points today. An exciting thing for me this week? I only ate 12.5 of my flex points...and I earned 12 AP's from my walks. I almost broke even! That also means that even though there were a few days where I ate a lot more, I didn't eat as much earlier or later the same day to help my compensate for it. To me, that is finding my inner skinny girl...the one who really will be a size 10 for life!

i ran!!!

I decided I would jog a little on my morning walk. Just as I was feeling leaner and healthier, I broke into a jog. I didn't realize that my big ol' booty would be that jiggly! LOL And I was tired out FAST! I did some alternating of fast walking and jogging (OK, I jogged 3 times for like a minute each time!) for my morning exercise. I can't believe I did it, but I did. It'll be easier tomorrow I hope. Then by Sunday I'll be able to jog like for a whole 3 minutes before I think I'll fall over dead!

So on the exercise front, I am doing well. I have eaten well this week, too. It's been a busy week with 2 big rehearsals. (D and I are singing in a premiere concert of a bunch of movie music. We are in a big choir that is singing with the CSO tonight and tomorrow.) The rehearsal nights turned into LATE nights...in bed after 12 both nights which is pretty unheard of for me. And being up and out that late makes me want to eat...junk food.

The first night we were out, D drove through Del Taco on the way home. I could have eaten a ton there at 10:30 that night. But opted for a little chicken taco, al carbon style, instead. It was a good choice...only 3.5 points and I felt like I was really having my junk food.

The second night we were out, I really wanted to stop and get another taco, but D didn't offer and I didn't bring it up. At home I still had the munchies, so I sliced some cucumber and dipped that in green salsa. Really yummy...and 0 points!

I have been pleased with myself for making some better choices the past few days. And part of it is that I have been reading the People magazine from last week, the one where there are 5 or 6 women who have lost over 100 pounds. Those articles never meant much to me until recently. I love to see how their bodies and faces are transformed. I am so interested in how they live now. What do they eat? What is their fitness routine?

It has led me to the conclusion that I eat too much. Now I know that with WW I have my daily points allowance and some flex points to use and that should all work out just fine for me. But I realized after looking at this article that these women are using their calories wisely. I don't eat a lot of meat these days...partly because I don't usually leave myself many points for dinner so I just have salad. I really do typically feel satisfied, but I know I would feel better if I used 4 points for chicken breast instead of a 100 calorie pack of Lorna Doone's and some pretzels. So I am trying to snack less and be more satisfied with just my meals. Last night I wanted sweet, so I did have some strawberries, NF vanilla yogurt and Special K. Much better choice than the chocolate low fat frozen yogurt and whipped cream I was thinking of. Not that frozen yogurt is bad. I just feel like I need to make more nutrient-dense choices right now.

just like I thought!

Well, I was up today when I went to weigh in...1.6 pounds, in fact. But instead of being bummed, I am proud to say that I bought a size 10 on Friday, I have lost 27 pounds so far and I look GOOD!

I inspired my neighbor to start going back to the gym. My lifelong skinny friend (who has recently put on a few too many) has started a weight loss program after seeing my success. Today I walked further than I ever have before...and it only took me 1 minute longer...for over 500 steps. I was crankin!!!

So instead of feeling like "oh, my gosh, I gained again", I am going to focus my energy on what is positive and showing the changes right now. Thanks for the help with that Kathy.

Breakfast
frozen waffles-7-estimating high!
(yeah mine, and then part of Jack E's and Kelli's and Emma's too!)

snack
Luna Sunrise Bar-3

Lunch
caesar salad-2
tex mex coleslaw-1
(recipe from the WW mag...made my own dressing, YUMMY!)
1 piece of quesadilla-2
few strawberries-0

snack
avocado, tomato and RF cheese on a whole wheat tortilla-5
(totally craving fat after I walked!)

snack/dinner
banana-2
honey wheat pretzel twists-2
frozen entree-4
tex mex coleslaw-1
kiwi, split with Jack E-0

late snack(10:30, after rehearsal, UGH!)
Chicken Taco Del Carbon-3.5

I ate all my AP's today...I had 5 from my big walk and I counted 2 for scrubbing all my hardwood floors, too. At least I didn't dip into my flex points so early in my week!

update from the weekend

It was a great weekend. We worked hard and ate well. I really enjoyed my Mother's Day, too. As the mama of 6 kiddos, my expectations are not huge. Pretty much if no one really argues with me or talks back, I'm happy. I did get a great new attachment for my mixer, a new iPod Shuffle and some new clothes. I have NO shorts that actually fit me. So D helped me pick out a few things. The most exciting thing? When I went to try on skirts, the 12's were waaaaay too big. I got a SIZE TEN!!!! I don't remember the last time I wore a 10. Seriously!

I'm still a little anxious about my weigh in tomorrow, though. I am only 1.4 pounds away from being able to say I have lost 30 pounds. But I feel like I will have a gain tomorrow. I hate that! I'll let you know how it goes. Here's my day today:

Breakfast
South Beach Breakfast wrap-3

snack
yogurt smoothie-1
apple-1

Lunch
cheese sandwich-2
(Laughing Cow on an english muffin)
cherry tomatoes-0
honey wheat pretzel twists-2
All Bran cereal bites-2

snack
100 Calorie pack Oreo thins-2
ceasar salad-2

Dinner
frozen lasagna-6
1 cup peas-2

thursday food

Long day...but a good day. I've been battling a headache all day so I actually took a nap this afternoon. I think I'll try to head to bed early.

Here's my menu from today:

Breakfast
2 slices whole wheat zucchini bread-7.5

snack
yogurt smoothie-1
apple-1
piece of the babies' quesadilla-2

Lunch
cut up carrots, jicama and cherry tomotoes-0
ham and Laughing Cow sandwich on lite bread-2.5
cheesy mini crisps-2

snack
1/2 slice zucchini bread-2
giardineria-0
some 1% cottage cheese-1

Dinner
teriyaki chicken breast slices-3
sauteed veggies-1
(bell peppers, garlic, scallions, pea pods, mushrooms, broccoli slaw and spinach, counting a point only for the olive oil)

snack
weight watchers mini chocolate cake-1
(these things are TINY but really good)

24 points used, 24 points daily allowance

YEAH me!

good choices, bad choices

Today was going so well. I have realized the past few days that I am just not as hungry as I was a few weeks ago. It feels good to be in touch with that and be able to stop eating because I feel satisfied.

For some reason I was in the mood to bake today. I haven't baked in a while and I really like to. With all the kids, it's really nice to have a few loaves of quick breads in the freezer that we can all have for a quick snack. So this afternoon I made my whole wheat zucchini bread. It is really yummy...with whole wheat flour and ground flax seed. So nutty and grainy. My kids all love it, too, so that's good. And before that I made Blondies with the little girls. I used to LOVE those when I was a kid. They are super easy too and a fun afterschool treat for the kids.

One of the great things about having 6 kids is that when you make a big pan of bar cookies like that, they are half gone after everyone has had one and shared a few with the neighbors and a couple of friends. I did have 2 of them today, but I will probably only get one more if I'm lucky! When I was growing up as an only child, my mom couldn't have baked like that very often. We would have all been HUGE!

On to my bad choices for the day. After baking this afternoon, I didn't have many points left, but I wasn't really hungry either. I was making the kiddos sloppy joes for dinner, with tater tots and fruit salad. I figured I'd just pick at some fruit and maybe have a boca. Ummmm...I started eating tots without even thinking about it. I had eaten 2 or 3 before I even realized it. Of course I then ended up having a few more, too. I didn't think I would be that tempted by their sloppy joes, either, but I so TOTALLY was!!! I'm beginning to realize that ketchup and mustard mixed like that on a burger or in sloppy joes is totally a trigger for me. The good news is that the condiments taste just as good on a boca and 1 point english muffin, but that's not the choice I made tonight. UGH!!!

My good choice of the day? There were several really. I had a great breakfast, lunch and snacks. I indulged in a couple of blondies but tracked them. The choice I am really proud of myself for making? I had to pick up a prescription tonight at the drugstore about 1/4 mile away. I walked there to pick it up. It wasn't one of my set walking days, but I got out and took a short little walk tonight. Kudos to me!

Breakfast
mini bagel with RF strawberry cream cheese-4
yogurt smoothie-1

snack
apple-1
Luna Bar-3
few bites of bagel with the babies-1

Lunch
cherry tomatoes and jicama slices-0
ham wrap on whole wheat tortilla-3
honey wheat pretzels-2

snack
edamame-3
Blondie-3
PB2-1
(just got this today and had to sample some...I'll post more about it tomorrow!)

Dinner
tater tots-3
sloppy joe-6
fruit salad-.5
Blondie-3

So I am over a lot today, but I had some not so great days last week and still managed to lose. I will jump back OP tomorrow, and look forward to getting out and walking some more. I will still lose next week.

tuesday weigh in

So I did finally get motivated, throw my walking stuff on and head out for about 20 minutes this morning. It wasn't about the exercise this morning, it was just about doing what I committed to myself that I would do.

I have set some weight loss related goals for May. Now that it's the 8th maybe I should post them? lol

First, I need to remember that I am on a plan to lose weight. WW is easy to follow. It allows for great flexibility. But the goal of these next few weeks isn't to just eat whatever I want. I really do need to "go without" and remember that I'm trying to lose weight and not maintain. That doesn't mean I won't eat healthy foods when I am hungry. That does mean that I won't have low fat frozen yogurt every night "just because" and take it out of my flex points. (I need those flex points for things like crappy chinese food and trips to the burger king drive though!)

Second, I will take a walk the 4 mornings each week that I don't have to go to work. This is why it was so important to me to keep this for myself this morning. One day last week I didn't go in the morning but went at night instead. That wasn't the same for me. I was a little freaked out (still a little afraid of the dark, I guess) and it didn't have the focusing power that a morning walk does.

Third, I tend to eat really fast and not really enjoy my food. Then I want to eat more simply to have more of the experience of eating. I do this way too often. So my goal is to slow down and really taste and enjoy the food as I eat it. And then be satisfied with that and not eat more.

So far in May I have really kept up with this. Well, the third one is hard for me but I am really trying to think about it each time I eat. One goal I thought of but didn't need to implement was unnecessary eating in the car. I do eat breakfast on my way to work and lunch on the way home, but those are typically planned out. It was my habit of old to eat in the car pretty much anytime I was driving. Especially if I was by myself. I would drop the kids at school and then stop at the gas station for a big diet Coke and a big chocolate muffin or cheese danish. If it was afternoon, maybe I would need to drive through somewhere and get a diet Coke and a burger...or some fries....or a cookie...or an ice cream. I still get too many diet Cokes but at least they are unaccompanied 99.9% of the time. Then I feel guilty for getting a bag of pretzels or a Luna Bar. So I realized that my HUGE demon of eating while I drive somewhere just to reward myself for being in the car alone is GONE!!! wow

And today was weigh in. I was utterly shocked when the receptionist told me

I lost 2.2 pounds!!!

I was so surprised. I ate soooo much more than I should have over the weekend. I didn't get nearly enough water yesterday. I was really feeling like maybe I should wait and weigh in later in the week. But I just went and got it over with. I believe that the walking has definitely pushed me along. Now only 14.4 pounds till I start my maintenance with WW. And only 21.4 pounds till my ULTIMATE goal is met. woo-hoo!!!


Breakfast
small banana-1.5
lite bread toasted with SF apricot jam-1

snacks
Luna Lemonzest bar-3
apple-1

Lunch
lean cuisine roasted veggie pizza-6

snack
big ol' salad with lots of free veggies, 1/4 avocado and FF Dorothy Lynch-3
1/3 cup 1% cottage cheese-1

Dinner
fruit salad-1
quesadilla-3
waffles-3
scrambled eggs-1

snack
raspberries with a little nonfat yogurt and some Kashi-2.5

Over a little today, but I'm not going to worry about it at all since I made really good choices. It feels really good to know that I ate well today. I took good care of myself.

monday...tuesday

Early Tuesday morning...I should be on a walk but here I sit on my couch. UGH!!!

Yesterday was a pretty good day food choice wise. I was even impressed wtih the fact that I didn't devour my entire packed lunch on my way home from work. I just didn't feel that hungry. And really things were OK till dinner. I got the kiddos Burger King since it was Trey's actual birthday. I chose my whopper, jr, no cheese, no mayo. It's 6 points and I still had 8.5 for the night. But then Jack E didn't finish his burger...and neither did Kelli...and neither did Emma.

OK, I didn't eat all 3 of those burgers. I just had a couple of bites of each one and fed the rest to the dogs. But then I just felt bugged and irritated with myself that I would just pick at their food like that. That was my old habit that I thought I had given up. I guess not! It wouldn't have been so bad, but we ate waaaaay too much on the weekend so I have a deficit in my weekly flex points already.

I did forget my water bottle when I went to work, too, so I just was down on water the whole day. And once I am behind in that department, it's really hard for me to catch up for some reason.

So here's Monday in food:
Breakfast
mini bagel with RF strawberry cream cheese-4
apple-1

snack
yogurt smoothie-1
1/2 string cheese-1

Lunch
carrots & celery-0
turkey wrap with lettuce, ff mayo and dijon-4
BBQ soy crisps-2

snack
1/3 serving Honey Bees-1
ww Cinnamon sugar bar-2

Dinner-
whopper, jr. no mayo, no cheese-6
more bites of burger-5?

so not worth it!!!

We went to a movie and then dinner last night to celebrate Trey's 10 birthday that is tomorrow. I LOVE movie theater popcorn. I mean, who doesn't, right? And in high school I worked at a theater, and we would eat TONS of popcorn when we had no customers. I didn't hold a bag to hold so I had to steal from Kelli's bag. Since 3 year olds are not known for their generosity, this worked really well! I just had a few handfuls when all the pieces were added up.

Then Trey wanted to go to the Chinese buffet around the corner from our house. First problem: I was starving when we walked in there. We really don't eat out often. We just don't spend the money that way any more. We don't have it to spend and it's just much more affordable to feed our brood at home. And mama likes to cook so it all works out.

So D goes up and gets food with the 2 little girls and brings a plate back for the toddler. All fried food. I was wondering where the vegetables were. Then I had my turn to go get food. Where were the vegetables? I get so used to eating at home...tons of veggies, little bit of lean meat. At the Chinese buffet? TOTAL CRAP!!!

I just didn't care. I was starving and didn't want to deal with it. So I made really poor choices, including 4 almond cookies. D and I felt so sick afterwards. As we sat on the couch watching TV last night, I could hear D's tummy totally gurgling.

And all that for over $50!!! I really think I would have rather cooked at home. But Trey wanted Chinese and he wanted a buffet so he could eat all he wanted. Happy Birthday, kiddo!

thursday

So I'm realizing something about myself the past few days. I am really hungry in the morning. I am starving in the afternoon. I could really handle minimal dinner. I think I have been trying to save points for dinner, but then I am really hungry around 3. Today I actually ate my "dinner" around 4. Then I was good. I picked at the kids' fruit salad when they had dinner.

I've had some ice cream in my fridge since last night. I was OK last night...didn't have any. But it has been calling me all day. I decided as soon as the kids finished their dinner we would eat it up and get it out of here. So we did and it's gone. It's funny to me that I can have all the ice cream novelties in my freezer that I do and not be bothered, but bring in a pint or a quart of ice cream and I am over.

Anyway. I am thinking that tomorrow I may not worry so much about the amount of points I consume early in the day as long as I spend them well. I know I can be satisfied with a big ol' 2-4 point salad for dinner, so why should I be starving in the late morning and early afternoon?

here's my day in food:

Breakfast
english muffin with RF strawberry cream cheese-2
(I was craving that strawberry cream cheese this morning but put it on an english muffin instead of a bagel)
yogurt parfait-3.5
(nonfat plain yogurt, frozen fruit, Kashi GO LEAN! Crunch Honey Almond Flax cereal)

snack
apple-1
Luna bar-3

Lunch
pepper strips-0
turkey sandwich on lite bread with lettuce, tomato, FF mayo and dijon mustard-3
honey wheat pretzels-2

snack
WW chocolate cake-1
(bought these a week or so ago but never tried one. they are DELISH!)
10 g HoneyBees-1

Dinner
veggie wrap-2.5
(whole wheat tortilla, leftover sauteed veggies, wedge Laughing Cow)
another tortilla-1
1 cup 1% cottage cheese-3
fruit salad-.5

snack
ice cream with the kiddos-7

Nice long walk this evening and been pretty active today, too.

used 30.5 points...but with 3 AP's, I'm only counting it as 3.5 of my flex points!

I was starving!!!

This afternoon I was just famished! I don't know what it was. I have had 3 pretty low (for me) points days so maybe that's what it was. I wanted to stay right at my daily points each day for a few weeks, but I had to go over a couple today!

And I didn't get my act together last night. I think I thought I would just get up early enough to make my breakfast and lunch for today. Didn't happen. I grabbed a bagel on the way out. It was a fine choice...definitely better than a drive-through breakfast, but it was more points than I wanted to spend that early in the day. Then I had no lunch but didn't want to drive through somewhere on my way home since I was already feeling point heavy. I had a late lunch, but a good one.

Anyway...I had a HUGE afternoon snack since I was so freaking hungry then. And I am losing my train of thought quickly tonight.

Breakfast
honey wheat bagel with a little RF strawberry schmear-7

snack
apple-1
Luna Sunrise Bar, vanilla almond-3

Lunch
grapes-.5
lean cuisine pasta primavera with a lot of leftover broccoli and cauliflower-5

snack
cinnamon swirl pumpkin bread-2
1 cup Kashi GO LEAN! Crunch-3

Dinner
1/2 Crummy Chicken Breast-3
(family favorite and not a WW recipe...so I just have half a piece)
zucchini pancakes-2
(another family favorite, low in points and carbs, too so it works for all of us)
sauteed vegetables-1
(onion, bell pepper, garlic, mushrooms, broccoli slaw, spinach and olive oil)
green beans-0

27.5 points exceeding daily allowance by 3.5

I wound up having a chocolate ice cream sandwich for 3 points. That put my over by 6.5 for the day.

quick post, long day

I went to WI this morning. I was actually down 1 pound. That was what I was hoping for. I hate to think what it could have been had I not had all that birthday cake last weekend. I am really trying to remember that eating whatever I want whenever I want is how I got into a size 18. Thinking before I stick something in my mouth is what has gotten me this far. Need to think more, I say.

Breakfast
small banana-1.5
english muffin with SF orange marmalade-1

snack
yogurt smoothie-1

Lunch
potato soy crisps-2
1/2 c grapes-.5
wrap with a little cheese, avocado, lettuce, tomato, cucumber and broccoli slaw-5

snack
meringues-1
Kashi bar-3

Dinner
from Carl's Jr:
BBQ chicken sandwich-6
Leftover from Trey: 1/2 buffalo style chicken strip-1.5 (didn't find the nutrionals and didn't look too hard! so I'm estimating)
some of the kids' extra fries-1.5

23.5 out of 24

25 minute brisk walk+2