I am about to finish my 26th week on weight watchers. That feels like a really long time. I really thought I would have reached my goal by now. Part of me is disappointed in myself. Like, "why can't I just make up my mind and get it off?" Then again, my goal isn't just to lose weight but to find my "inner skinny girl". That will require long term changes. I can't eat a pint of ice cream a couple of times a week, eat way too much a few more times a week and never exercise, and expect to be a skinny girl. I have to change those eating habits, bingeing habits and fitness habits in order for this to be long lasting.
I think part of my deal is that I have never really been at a thin point in my life for very long. I was never skinny in high school, but still healthy. I went to college and gained a little, lost a little. I got married and started gaining. I would lose a little then gain it back. I really started to focus on my eating and fitness a lot when I was 25. I was really proud of my body. Then I got pregnant with Aleena and morning sickness got the best of me. I was pregnant again by the time she was 6 months old...never got all the baby weight off before that. I didn't have all the baby weight off after Trey was born and I was pregnant with Clay either.
I did finally start losing a lot after I weaned Clay at 12 months. I was doing a low carb diet at that point. I had 2 miscarriages before I started a healthy pregnancy with Emma. At that point, I thought I would never be able to eat carbs again and gained 13 pounds in my first trimester! I was eating like CRAZY at that point. I did lose a lot after she was born, but gained a little when we moved to CO and I found out I was pregnant again. That pregnancy lasted only 10 weeks, but left me 10 pounds heavier, too.
Then I was pregnant with Kelli. When she was a few months old, I started doing yoga. I totally loved it and I was really firming up. Then summer came and the kids were home and it was hard to find time to do yoga without an audience. The middle of that summer, a close family friend died while she was housesitting for us. Needless to say, we were thrown for a huge loop at that point.
In the midst of trying to sort out all that, we were going through a lot of family transitions, too. I started working more...and then was pregnant with Jack. It has been hard trying to take off the last bit of weight since he was born, but I did it.
When I decided to join WW, I didn't think it would really be such a process for me. But I have learned how to feed myself well and not just reward myself with junk food because I made it through the day. The care and feeding of mama has become more important. I thought that getting up earlier and walking or working out wouldn't be worth the loss of sleep. But it is. I love having that time to listen to music and reflect and know that I am doing something for myself. I used to lie in bed and just think about it, dozing on and off, and then feel gulity that I didn't do it. I don't know that I am any more tired than I was before, but I do like the feeling of a good walk in the morning.
That was all from a post I started on the weekend, but just didn't get a chance to post. I get frustrated sometimes because I do have more to say than what I ate today, but I don't always have to brain power (or time!) to get it here.
So that's where I am right now. I've finished 26 weeks of WW. Half a year. This is a long process for me. I really think I should still be doing WW another 26 weeks from now. At that point, I really think my personal goal would be realistic, but I am really beginning to see it's not about the numbers at all anymore.
That being said, here is what I ate today! :P
(was planning on a bran muffin but had a little tummy issue last night and didn't think I should start the work day with BRAN!)
Pink Lady apple-1
fresh berries and plain nonfat yogurt-2
pre-Lunch (while feeding the twins I nanny for)
flat out wrap with hummus, cucumbers, pepper strips and veggie slaw-2
honey wheat pretzel twists-2
cherry bran muffin-3
some snack mix-3
(picked the kids up and this was for them but one taste led to another...I'm probably overestimating, though!)
1/2 frozen fish fillet-1
(Aleena stole the other half!)
salad with no dressing but lots of free veggies-0
some chocolate cake-3
(Aleena learned the trick of cake mix and diet coke...love that!)
So I took in exactly 24 points today. An exciting thing for me this week? I only ate 12.5 of my flex points...and I earned 12 AP's from my walks. I almost broke even! That also means that even though there were a few days where I ate a lot more, I didn't eat as much earlier or later the same day to help my compensate for it. To me, that is finding my inner skinny girl...the one who really will be a size 10 for life!