blip

Isn't that what we call it in WW terms when we go OFF plan for a day or two?

The stress has gotten to me I guess. I did the clean when I'm stressed thing. Yesterday I did like 8 loads of laundry. Today I've scrubbed my wood floor and the main level bathroom. I did the bake when I'm stressed thing. I made honey oatmeal bread, orange juice muffins, sour cherry cake and cranberry bread.

Today I have just eaten carbs.

Moving on from here.

Kelli's ear will be fine. No permanent damage and she can wear her hair up with pride. Jack E still has tummy troubles. Trey has caught the bug. Emma has a dentist appointment tomorrow afternoon to deal with her broken baby tooth. Aleena has attitude to spare today. So now I just wait to see if Clay starts getting the tummy bug before or after his drum lesson at 5 this afternoon.

But my truck has some costly new brakes. Our big family computer is acting up. My vacuum cleaner is acting strange.

Enough complaining. The bus just dropped off Emma and Clay. Time to find them a snack.

weight loss but no meeting

I didn't make it to my meeting again this week. You can read all the exciting details about it here.

But I did weigh myself at home on Saturday morning for a reading of 158.2. So the bummer about weighing every day is that I saw 157.2 twice last week and really wanted that number again on Saturday morning. But I do have to remind myself that in a week I went from 161.4 to 158.2. That is a loss of 3.2 pounds. Pretty awesome for my first OP and tracking week in quite some time.

I am staying OP this weekend too. I have still felt mildly sick, but it's probably from all the stress or sickness around here. I need to get more veggies in my mouth. I sure have enough in my fridge!

I'll check in with you all soon.

it's been a week

And I am still On Plan. It feels pretty good lemme tell ya! Yesterday got a little away from me. I woke up late and had to run out the door to go to work with my 3 youngest in tow. I grabbed a bagel and threw some cream cheese on it and got some drive through for the kids...french toast sticks and hash rounds. Yeah that wasn't so smart. I only ate a couple of their sticks. And I really felt icky for it too.

For lunch I had brought some tuna and a couple slices of bread. I had that and some apple...good so far. Then we went to the market on the way home and stocked up on fruit. And they had salmon on sale so I got some for tomorrow night. When we walked in the door, I was HUNGRY. I ate some of the pastry stuff that the older kids had left from breakfast. I was just in running mode and grabbing whatever I could. Then for dinner, I broiled some chicken and threw a bunch of green veggies in to stir fry (broccoli, green beans, pea pods, bell pepper and spinach-aren't I creative?! HA!) I also made croutons for a salad. That was probably not the wisest choice. They just tasted soooooo good. I ate too many. Then after dinner (where I really only ate a little chicken and salad) I plopped on the couch. I totally wanted more salad so I did. But I swear this morning I woke up with the ickiest tummy from all the croutons. UGH!!

I just finally had some breakfast after lying in bed most of the morning. Bear mush and a banana. How's that for bland food? The scale has been my friend this week too...,mostly.

You know I used to have a major issue with the scale. Like I weighed myself 8-12 times a day. Not healthy I know. Now I typically just weigh every morning so that's big improvement, right? This week has seen_

Sa-161.4
Su-160.4
Mo-160.4
Tu-160.2
We-157.4 (HUH?!)
Th-160.2

So we'll see how the rest of the week shapes up. Tuesday was a busy day and I didn't eat much in the evening but then had a big salad around 9. I'm wondering if that was the reason I was so low yesterday morning.

How are you doing out there?

so that's how I did it!!!

For the past few months I have really struggled with losing the 7 pounds I gained over Christmas. The scale has just creeped up .2 or .4 until now I really would like to lose 8 pounds. I have struggled with thinking, "how did I ever LIVE on 23 points a day?" I am always starving in the afternoon and have used way too many points in that time period. Sure I don't eat a lot of dinner, but I am still over for the day.

But yesterday I seemed to remember how I lost more than 30 pounds using 23 points a day and snacked in the afternoon. VEGETABLES!!! I was hungry around 2:30 so I grabbed the leftover asparagus from Easter and ate that. Then I munched on cherry tomatoes while I was baking bread and a cake (which is really a quick bread baked in a rectangle and not sweet at all). Then while I made dinner, I grabbed the cucumber sunomo from the fridge and gobbled up the rest of that.

Three servings of veggies, 0 points, and quite filling. And I also drank about 32 ounces of water while I was eating all that.

OooooOOOOooooooooHHH yeah!!! That's how I lost weight before. When I was hungry I drank water and ate vegetables instead of diet Coke and peanut butter banana chocolate chip bread (yes, it's really yummy!)

Maybe I can lose those 8 pounds again! And I have realized that I totally have to get back to walking. I'm not a huge exerciser at all. I really took my morning walk just for the time alone in my head, but my butt is not so tight now and my thighs and calves are more jiggly. Walking will just help me get firmer again. And give me a little time alone. *sigh*

Easter wasn't bad. I got a purse and a knitting book in my basket. D got good chocolates like a Dove solid dark chocolate bunny. I got into the kiddos stuff a little in the afternoon, but I tracked it and moved away from the chocolate. I know it's there if I want a little nibble, but I don't have to gorge myself on it because last I checked, there was no chocolate shortage in the Denver metro area! :~) I can have chocolate any time I want, so I DON'T have to pig out today...or tomorrow or the next day.

How are you faring these days?

2 days OP

and I am down .6. Yeah!!!

Last night I totally wanted to grab the carton of ice cream and have at it. But I didn't. I went to bed instead. I'm so glad I made that choice.

I did eat about 5 dark chocolate m&m's while Aleena and I stuffed plastic eggs. But she had to try each of the 8 kinds of chocolate that we were using...good thing she's SKINNY...and 12!

One full day on plan...

...and I didn't lose 5 pounds overnight? What's that all about?!?!?!

Yes that is how my crazy mind works. Today I feel fat. Chubby. Not like a hottie.

Just in time for Easter candy!!! I have it from a reliable source that I am NOT getting a chocolate bunny this year. Guess the Easter Bunny knows what I need. Have you seenthis cute little quiz? I appreciate the finer things in life it seems! What does it say about you?

shopping

It's been a few months since I had the opportunity to look for new clothes and try them on. Easter is coming though, you know.

So I have been trying a few things on the last couple of days. Today I saw a cute pair of drawstring pants on the clearance rack. There was only Large left. I know I wear a Medium, but I thought I would try the Larges on. They were pretty roomy, but I could tighten the drawstring enough so that they fit. I almost got them. Almost. Then I thought of what my friend Kathy blogged about the other day. When our clothes give us room to gain a little, we take full advantage! So I didn't get pants that I could grow into.

I did get a size 8 skirt instead. It's a little tight in the middle. Like I can see every one of those 7 pounds I have gained!!! But then again I didn't really have on the right undies, so I'm hoping that I'll look a little better on Sunday morning.

It really was quite motivating to look at the body I have after spending the winter not getting in my walks and not ever getting off my holiday weight gain. I have a couple of good days, then a few bad. Last week D and I both had birthdays so I just was fighting up hill all week. I have to remind myself that it's not all or nothing. Even though I am not happy with how I look right now, I am still in size 10 jeans. Sure they are a little tight, but there is no way I would fit into the size 18's from not too long ago. I need to lose 7 pounds. I will. I know I will.

tell me it was the stroller!!!

As I promised myself, I took a walk this morning while Kelli was at preschool. It's a beautiful day out...nearly 50. Last week was gorgeous! It was around 70 on Saturday even. But then a storm came through and we got a lot more snow on Sunday. It's melting, but the playground was still pretty covered in snow. Jack climbed around a little, but he wasn't really interested in playing a lot at the park. Maybe Thursday will be better? But it's supposed to snow again tomorrow so who knows?

My walk to the park was just PART of the walks I used to take. OMG it's been a while since I got out there!!! It must have been pushing the stroller that made it so much more difficult, right?! Who am I kidding? I have been out of it for too long! It did feel good to get out there again. I can see myself getting back to those early morning walks soon. For now, I am committed to getting out with Jack 2 days a week. And I'm sure I'll get to more soon.

On the eating front it's been OK. I started tracking this weekend again and have really kept track. Saturdays tend to be really over the top for me. This one was no exception. I had burgers thawing for dinner. I was thinking about what to go with them. I typically made my own oven fries. Little oil, relatively healthy...good vehicle for ketchup! This weekend I looked at all the onions in the garage from our winter farm share and told D I thought we should make onion rings with my dad's secret beer batter recipe.

WHAT A BAD IDEA!!!!!

I realized that after the first batch came out of the oil and were draining on the rack. I ate SOOOOO many of those things. I literally felt queasy by the time we were ready to sit at the table with the burgers. I ate a little coleslaw and an ear of corn on the cob and called it a day. The next morning at church we had our "big table" day...basically a HUGE potluck. I stuck to the grapes.

Last night the 4 older kids and D were having some pie while we watched a little TV (in peace since the littles were in BED). I served them all a slice of pie (not homemade this time) with a little ice cream. I was actually hungry then too. I opted for some defrosted strawberries, fresh blueberries and blackberries, a little vanilla kefir and a sprinkle of wheat germ. It tasted great and I didn't feel any guilt. I love berries for that reason. They are YUMMY and low in points.

OH!!! We found a new fruit that we all just LOVE. Pomelo! My MIL told me it's a cross between an orange and a grapefruit. It looks like a HUGE yellow grapefruit. I am not a grapefruit fan at all. I just don't like the flavor, but a pomelo is so much more mild. It tastes more like Fresca as a matter of fact. It's a little bit of a pain to peel, but because it's so big there's a ton of fruit in there as a pay off. According to my Eat Wisely book, a 3 pound pomelo is 3 points. I have been sharing mine (all about 3 pounds) with all the kiddos so I count it as 1 point when I have some. You should check them out.

I wanted to say thank you to all of you who have been leaving me encouraging comments. This has been so much harder than I thought it would be. I am starting to think that losing the weight was the easy part. I guess there is statistical data to show that, huh? Since so many "losers" regain the weight. I really don't want to be that person. I want to be in the minority, but I've got to utilize the tools I learned along the weight loss journey to do it. So thanks for the encouragment. I have stepped away from the weight loss blog world a little lately. I do think I needed to find a little more of myself outside of the number on the scale. I was becoming really obsessed with that in a really negative way. I am trying to be more the whole person that I am. A wife, a mama, a friend, a baker, a crocheter, a knitter, a nanny, a neighbor, a "loser". So I am not reading the 25 or so blogs that I used to read...just a handful right now. But I am also looking around and finding blogs that feeds other pieces of my soul too. I'll try to get back to check on everyone now and then, but I'm not making any promises!

So thankful for cyber friends!!!

I think I found my motivation

I wasn't going to go but I did. I was up yet again, but my morning home scale got really ugly this week. Like a day in the 160's. Told you it was ugly. This morning the scale said 158.2 at home and I was THRILLED. Seriously. I was expecting it to be worse. But I am still dealing with TOM and months of out of control eating.

But yesterday I finally felt back on top of it. I didn't track and I didn't worry about points. I hadn't for the last half of the week anyway. But I got a lot more water yesterday and when I wanted to munch I ate fruit. I ate a lot of fruit yesterday, but it's so much lower in calories than some of the other stuff I have been eating that I am OK with that. Jack E eats little but fruit and he's thin, right? Then again, he's not even 2 and a half so maybe that has something to do with it too, huh?

But today I think I finally feel back on top. Your comments have been so great for me. It reminds me of where I have come from. Even though I am NOT happy with the scale these days (and the choices I have made to get it there), I still weigh less than I have for most of my married life. Yesterday the trash man was hitting on me even!!! And I am thinking about how I am eating much more. I have favorite low cal foods and not just things I HAVE to eat. I can do this. I have already done it, I just need to get back on track.

I started gaining some weight around the holidays...when there was too much food around and when I stopped getting out there and walking each morning. It's so easy to just stay in bed, but I have realized that with Kelli in preschool I only have 1 kid at home 2 mornings a week. I always used the 2 of them as an excuse that I didn't have a double stroller so I couldn't go with them. But I really can stick Jack E in the stroller and get out for a walk. And if I take the right route when can get in a good walk then end up at the park for a while before we head home. He'll be in heaven! No it won't be the solitary time I had before, but maybe it will inspire me to get out of bed early again and get that alone time.

So my goal for the week is again to lose a pound. I didn't get there last week, but I really think I will this week.

Gotta go, the troops are getting restless!!! **sigh**

spoke too soon

So I had 3 good days OP and then 2 really awful days. Oh, and TOM showed up too! Things are NOT looking good for a pound loss this week!!!

But I got this word cloud idea fromBecky and thought I'd check it out. Very fun. But the one on my mama blog isn't so pretty!

FYI

This is the 3rd day in a row where I have felt OP. I did use a bunch of flexies the weekend, but not all of them yet!!! And I even tracked my little nibbles.

Today I haven't tracked my little nibbles. They have all been fruit...some pear, a few blueberries, a slice of apple, a chunk of nectarine. If that's all it is, I won't really care since I also don't track the AP of running up and down the stairs carrying a kid or two for half the day either.

So, yes, I am being good!!!

little giggle

Politics aside, I saw this on a bumper sticker yesterday and it made me laugh right out loud:

Monica Lewinsky's ex-boyfriend's wife for President!!!

Hope you liked it as much as I did!!!

what's goin' on

I went to my meeting yesterday and was up even more. I honestly wasn't surprised AT ALL!!! I have had the hardest time getting back to where I want to be and getting my head back into the WW game. And last week I just felt off for a few days. I was totally depressed about I'm not sure what. I felt overwhelmed by life. Just seemed like it was all too much. So I ate more than I should to comfort myself. (It didn't work by the way!!!)

I really considered NOT going to my meeting yesterday morning. I had turned off my alarm after the first ring. I just was going to sleep in. Then my cell rang at 6:45 with a number I didn't recognize. They left a message. Something totally random "good morning sunshine...the sun is smiling on you!" whatever!!! It's not even 7 yet!!! Then they called back, but no message this time. So I went potty. And by this time the dog is awake and wants out. So I got up and got dressed and went to WW.

The meeting was good for me in that we talked about those ANTS. But we also talked about setting a goal and the objectives to get there. I think for a while I've been bugged that I have 6 or 7 pounds to lose. I think about it, but I don't do anything about it. So yesterday in my meeting I decided I would work toward losing 1 pound this week. Just 1. I'm not going to think about anything but getting to 156.?. Then I will work on the rest later. And I decided I have to do better with water. Oh, and STOP FREAKING EATING!!!!

Now I know WW is not a diet and we shouldn't feel deprived all the time and we shouldn't be hungry. But honestly, it's OK to be a little hungry sometimes and to deprive myself a LOT more often than I have been. I have seriously been eating way above my daily points for weeks now. I know I can eat all my dailies and above my weekly flexies too and still lose, but it's like I have been pushing that to the limit. And I haven't been losing at all. In fact, I've been steadily gaining for weeks and weeks now.

So yesterday I really tried to scale it back. But we did have a big Saturday night dinner, and total comfort foods, too. Cube steak and gravy, mashed potatoes (they were from instant since I was being lazy so they weren't so good), cheesy cauliflower, peas, biscuits and apple crumb pie for dessert. Not really a low point meal. But I honestly ate really small portions of everything (except the pie!) and felt good about it. Today we went out for lunch after church to a BBQ place. I had sliced turkey with some BBQ sauce, this cucumber/tomato/onion salad and jalapeno beans. And a little ice cream cone. :) Still kind of crazy, but I do usually eat more on the weekends especially if we go out.

So I am feeling on top of my WW thing for the first time in a while. Yesterday was the first day where I totally felt OP. I only nibbled a tiny bit in the afternoon and TRACKED it ALL. So here's hoping to losing a pound. And if it's more, that's great. I know the momentum of losing just ONE pound will help me get back on track to lose a few more too.

Oh, and my friend at church this morning asked if I'd been losing more weight. I said no. Then she said, "then those must be your 'good butt' jeans"!

whew!

I'm taking just a sec to post before the kids start coming in from school. I have been doing much better at staying OP. Saturday I baked...bread for the week, banana bread and chocolate chip cookies. I had half a slice of banana bread, a small cookie and a bite of Aleena's warm buttered bread. Pretty impressive, huh?!

Then Sunday I ate like crazy and even had a pig out session with the ice cream.

But this week has been really good. I've stayed really close to my daily points, gotten better with my GHG's and gotten in the minimum of water at least.

And the scale moves down. Then again, it was up after all the ice cream on Sunday night!!!

I did go to my meeting last Saturday. I weighed in up another .2, but after last week I was OK with that. Hope to be under 155 when I do my WI in March.

Hope you are all doing well and staying OP!

more later I promise!!!

You Are Basil

You are quite popular and loved by post people. You have a mild temperament, but your style is definitely distinctive. You are sweet, attractive, and you often smell good.

What Spice Are You?

I really thought they were habits

After over a year on WW I find myself NOT journaling this week. And drinking next to no water. What gives with that? Needless to say, I expect to be up even MORE tomorrow at WI. I've seriously got to get past this.

I know, why don't I try sticking to my WPA, flex points, journaling and drinking some WATER!!!

Oh, and you can read about my fascinating Valentine's Day here.

I've grown

OK, I have totally avoided you this week. I have just felt crappy about me and WW and my fatness and all that. Oh, and it's been TOM, too! This was the first time I think I ever wanted to wear sweats because my belly actually hurt. It was really tender and bloaty and crampy. One of the worst go rounds I've had with this whole thing. Granted I took about a decade away from it for gestation and lactation, but still I've been doing the TOM thing for a while and this one was really icky.

Anyway. I also got a call from the nurse at my doctor's office one afternoon this week. I was trying to explain to her that I needed a note for WW that said it was OK for me to set a goal weight of 155. She thought WW should determine my weight not me. And she would not be able to back date anything to November. She said I needed to come in for an appointment to discuss my goal weight with my doctor.

OK. This nurse is one of "those" people...tiny and skinny. Not at all sympathetic to me and my fatness. Next issue I have with all this? My doctor is really great. She's very thorough and I really feel like she knows who I am even though I've had like 3 appointments with her. BUT...she is always REALLY behind schedule. When I went in to get my little cyst taken off my scalp, I was there for over 2 hours. And most of that was just in the waiting room hanging out. I have to REALLY need to see her to go into her office. And lastly? I am just pissy about this whole thing. It totally sucks as far as I am concerned.

I tried to email my leader about the situation but it kept bouncing back to me. I actually told D that I thought I would give up WW for lent. He didn't think that was a good idea. I told him I feel like as a person I have been reduced to a number on a scale. I want to find me again without thinking about how much I weigh. He still didn't think giving up WW was a good idea though he did think I should deal with my feelings about WW.

So I sucked it up and walked into that meeting yesterday. Leader says "they didn't fax me". I told her they wouldn't and explained the story to her. She said I would have to do my 6 weeks of maintenance again. Sucky, but not the end of the world. Then she asks, "what was your goal again?" 155 "And how tall are you?" 5"4" L the other receptionist looks up and says "no you're not!" L is 5'4" and knows that I am taller than her even when I'm running around there in socks. So these 2 decide maybe I should measure myself with their wall chart thing. Now you know how when you go to dressing rooms and the mirrors make you look thinner? And how when you go to the doctor the scale always weighs you heavier so you have one more thing to stress about while you're there? I SWEAR to you that their measuring thing starts like an inch from the floor. Because I was 5'5 1/2" yesterday. So either I've had a growth spurt since this summer when I was at the doctor, or there's a little discrepancy there. I just figure it out. At the doctor's office I was shorter and fatter so my BMI would be WAY off and I could be counseled about obbesity. OMG!!! It's all a huge conspiracy!!!!!

Anyway...my leader rounds my height up to 5'6" and now 155 is the very top of WW's range for me. Problem solved! That was easy. Too bad I've been stress eating for 3 weeks worrying about how this would all work out. I weighed in at 157 yesteday. Leader told me to STOP stress eating as all was well now. I am officially a LIFETIME member with all my paperwork in order. THANK GOD!!!

Before yesterday I was seriously thinking of just walking away from WW forever. I looked into Overeaters Anonymous a little. In the section about "is OA for you" I found it ineteresting that a lot of the behaviors that signal an overeating disorder were ones that I struggled with almost daily before WW but now they are thought patterns and behaviors that are really rare for me. Guess I've made some progress there. WW really has been a good thing for me. I am glad that I have all my issues worked out there. I still have issues with me, don't get me wrong. But I'm working on it.

This morning I got on the scale like every other morning. It said 152.6. WHAT? Did I lose 5 pounds of stress? Or is it because I didn't drink enough water yesterday and was dehydrated? Or because TOM is over and I've lost my bloatedness? Whatever!

meeting but no WI

I went to my meeting on Saturday morning. How sad is it that I saw my leader walking in the parking lot before I got out of the car and thought evil thoughts about her?! Inside I asked if she had received the FAX from my doctor's office. She said, no, but it's not big deal...we'll get it when it gets here. *big smile*

Oh, yeah....SHE doesn't actually think I'm fat. In fact she thinks it great that I have chosen to take care of myself after more than a decade of gestating and lactating. Oh, yeah...

I decided that I won't hide from WW anymore. Screw it! I'm putting my fat little self on that scale Saturday morning. What are they going to do to me? Publicly humiliate me? Take away my keychain stuff? Call me a failure in front of the rest of the people there?

Nope! They will just take my money if I am above that limit of 157. Whatever...

By the way, I feel like I should tell you all that even though I feel like I'm not doing the WW thing very well lately, I have maintained a weight of 157.? to 158.? this entire time. Last week I even saw 155.? on my morning ritualistic weigh in at home. So I'm not like gaining a pound a week or anything. I'm actually MAINTAINING my weight. Just a higher number than WW wants me to be...and really about 5 pounds more than I want to be too.

My weekend was fun. I even found my inner skinny girl again. We went to dinner on Saturday night to celebrate the birthdays that happened last week. I had been running around all day. I was hungry and thirsty! I ordered a glass of water no ice (so I could slurp it down) and then looked at the menu. I really wanted veggies. I think the combo of being hungry and really thirsty was making me want something healthy. We were at a local brewery/restaurant (with $1 kids meals-HELLO!) so you can guess what the food was like. I thought about a chicken sandwhich. I thought about a salad. I got a bowl of soup and a dinner salad. I also ate one of Kelli and Jack E's mini corn dogs, a couple bites of Emma's fish and about 1/6 of one of the 2 mile high mud pies the server brought to us for the birthdays.

I was totally full and satisfied. I really felt like I had indulged but made good choices. The skinny girl was back. And I watched my 10 yo son eat a monte cristo, a ton of fries and split a mud pie with his brother. He's one of the skinny people in this house, and I am constantly amazed at the amount of food he can pack away!

I'll be updating more on my mama blog later. You can read more about our fun weekend there!

reflection

I spent a lot of time yesterday thinking about what my deal was. Thanks for those comments you left. To answer some of them:

I haven't been getting in my 8 GHG's...in the areas or F/V and dairy.

I went to a meeting last week but didn't WI.

I have been tracking it all. Every ugly detail.

I am the one who brought the junk in here. And it's not really "junk". Whole wheat banana and wheat germ bread isn't really unhealthy, but it takes points when I could spend them better. I have never really kept stuff out of our house just because I was on WW. I feel like if it's not OK for me to have occaisionally then my kids should NEVER have it. So we have ice cream around. And a bag of chips every couple of weeks. And I will bake cookies or muffins. I have always been able to stay out of the stuff until lately. And 4 of my 6 kids are at the bottom of the healthy range for weight. They eat all the time I swear! But they really do eat mostly fruits and yogurt for snacks. They have cereal sometimes or toast with peanut butter. Heck even our peanut butter is the natural kind that just peanuts! My kiddos have great eating habits so D and I must be doing something right there.

So what did I come up with yesterday in all my reflecting? Well, I should say that I was having cramps and feeling the early stuff of PMS even though that's more than a week away. So my thinking was a little clouded by all of that. I almost started crying in the shower when I heard D banging on the door. He was coming home from work with stuff in his hands and needed someone to open the door. Kelli can't unlock it (THANK GOD or she'd be running the neighborhood in her panties!) and didn't know what to do. I could hear him banging and felt so bad that he was locked out. He did have his keys in his pocket and a garage door opener in his truck, but still I wanted to cry.

So I was not in a good place! And I just felt naseous too. Just all around icky.

Back to my reflection. This really goes to show how deeply my nueroses go. I think part of my issue lately has come from reaching my goal weight that is above WW's limit for my height. That letter I need to get from my doctor really bugs me I guess. It's like I didn't quite make it to my goal. When I set 155 as my goal, I felt so great about my body. I really felt like that was a weight I could maintain easily and look good.

Then WW told me I was still fat. (That's the PMS part talking.)

Today I've been really trying to make my peace with the fact that I want to eat healthfully and feel fit for me. I love the WW program. I am a HUGE advocate for it. But I need to process how I'm feeling about this a little more.

Today I am trying to reclaim myself. And honestly it's a hard day to do it. I haven't done overnight work (as a postpartum doula or night nanny) for over a year. I did one night last week and then worked again last night. I am basically there to do whatever for these twins so mama can sleep. I give them a bottle, change diapers, soothe them and get them back to sleep. The babies I cared for last night are 3 months old so they are really used to their routine. They did sleep a little longer last night. So I slept from around 9:30-midnight. Both babies back asleep by 1 and then I was up at 4:15 to give them each another bottle before I left at 5. Then I was home on my couch half asleep from 5:45 til about 6:45 or 7.

I'm a little out of it, but not too bad. I stopped to get the kids donuts on my way home this morning. I was REALLY out of it then because for some reason I didn't think 1 dozen would be enough for them to all have 2 donuts. So I got 2 dozen. I was in the car before I realized how badly I suck at math that early in the morning.

I did eat 2 of the nasty wonderful things. But I put the rest in a tupperware in THE GARAGE until tomorrow morning so I won't pick anymore.

What I ate yesterday:

Food	Units
picks of cereal	1
rolled oats with 1/2 banana, little honey and kefir	4
other half of banana :)	1
1/2 apple with a little PB (Jack E's leftovers)	2
whole wheat pasta with a little parmesan	4
cauliflower and lowfat cheese sauce (from frozen)	3
2 mint kisses	3
toast w/ jam	4
1 cup 1% cottage cheese w/ hot sauce	3
toast with jam	4
Total:	29

wish I could say it was better

I don't know what the deal is for me lately. Who am I kidding? It's not just lately. I've been off plan since Christmas. I just can't seem to get it together again.

This week I have just been choosing junk. I've been eating too much. Eating out of boredom. Out of frustration. (Sorry if I'm deflating your idea that I live a serene and peaceful life in this house with 6 kids!) And I haven't been sticking to the limits I know I should.

My jeans fit so I feel like I can just do what I want.

Guesss I still need to keep looking for my inner skinny girl, cause it's her fat sister that's plopped on the couch right now!