I've grown

OK, I have totally avoided you this week. I have just felt crappy about me and WW and my fatness and all that. Oh, and it's been TOM, too! This was the first time I think I ever wanted to wear sweats because my belly actually hurt. It was really tender and bloaty and crampy. One of the worst go rounds I've had with this whole thing. Granted I took about a decade away from it for gestation and lactation, but still I've been doing the TOM thing for a while and this one was really icky.

Anyway. I also got a call from the nurse at my doctor's office one afternoon this week. I was trying to explain to her that I needed a note for WW that said it was OK for me to set a goal weight of 155. She thought WW should determine my weight not me. And she would not be able to back date anything to November. She said I needed to come in for an appointment to discuss my goal weight with my doctor.

OK. This nurse is one of "those" people...tiny and skinny. Not at all sympathetic to me and my fatness. Next issue I have with all this? My doctor is really great. She's very thorough and I really feel like she knows who I am even though I've had like 3 appointments with her. BUT...she is always REALLY behind schedule. When I went in to get my little cyst taken off my scalp, I was there for over 2 hours. And most of that was just in the waiting room hanging out. I have to REALLY need to see her to go into her office. And lastly? I am just pissy about this whole thing. It totally sucks as far as I am concerned.

I tried to email my leader about the situation but it kept bouncing back to me. I actually told D that I thought I would give up WW for lent. He didn't think that was a good idea. I told him I feel like as a person I have been reduced to a number on a scale. I want to find me again without thinking about how much I weigh. He still didn't think giving up WW was a good idea though he did think I should deal with my feelings about WW.

So I sucked it up and walked into that meeting yesterday. Leader says "they didn't fax me". I told her they wouldn't and explained the story to her. She said I would have to do my 6 weeks of maintenance again. Sucky, but not the end of the world. Then she asks, "what was your goal again?" 155 "And how tall are you?" 5"4" L the other receptionist looks up and says "no you're not!" L is 5'4" and knows that I am taller than her even when I'm running around there in socks. So these 2 decide maybe I should measure myself with their wall chart thing. Now you know how when you go to dressing rooms and the mirrors make you look thinner? And how when you go to the doctor the scale always weighs you heavier so you have one more thing to stress about while you're there? I SWEAR to you that their measuring thing starts like an inch from the floor. Because I was 5'5 1/2" yesterday. So either I've had a growth spurt since this summer when I was at the doctor, or there's a little discrepancy there. I just figure it out. At the doctor's office I was shorter and fatter so my BMI would be WAY off and I could be counseled about obbesity. OMG!!! It's all a huge conspiracy!!!!!

Anyway...my leader rounds my height up to 5'6" and now 155 is the very top of WW's range for me. Problem solved! That was easy. Too bad I've been stress eating for 3 weeks worrying about how this would all work out. I weighed in at 157 yesteday. Leader told me to STOP stress eating as all was well now. I am officially a LIFETIME member with all my paperwork in order. THANK GOD!!!

Before yesterday I was seriously thinking of just walking away from WW forever. I looked into Overeaters Anonymous a little. In the section about "is OA for you" I found it ineteresting that a lot of the behaviors that signal an overeating disorder were ones that I struggled with almost daily before WW but now they are thought patterns and behaviors that are really rare for me. Guess I've made some progress there. WW really has been a good thing for me. I am glad that I have all my issues worked out there. I still have issues with me, don't get me wrong. But I'm working on it.

This morning I got on the scale like every other morning. It said 152.6. WHAT? Did I lose 5 pounds of stress? Or is it because I didn't drink enough water yesterday and was dehydrated? Or because TOM is over and I've lost my bloatedness? Whatever!