hungry!

My husband and I planned to go out for pizza on Friday night.  I had a plan.  I followed my plan.  I was proud of myself.

But Saturday I was hungry all day!  I couldn't fill myself up.  I ate more than I wanted and wasn't happy about it.

I hate it when I am feeling really good and in control of the food I'm eating and then I feel like it gets all out of control.  It's not like I had this massive binge that I didn't recover from.  I ate 2 biscuits in the middle of the afternoon.  Then I drank 32 oz of water.  I ate what I planned for dinner and moved on.

But today I feel hungry again.  I don't want to have a crazy binge that I will regret.  But I also believe that I need to eat all my points.  I don't have any answers tonight.  Just questions.

Feeling super frustrated!  I'm feeling like I will never get back to my goal weight.  I just need to keep following my plan for the next day or two and believe that it will get better.

surprises!

I woke up early early this morning.  There were big trucks moving around just after 6:30 this morning in preparation for working on our sewer line on our street all day.  I couldn't get back to sleep and I knew I needed to walk the dog and get a shower before 8 anyway so I just got up.

But I felt gross when I got up.  All bloaty and icky.  I didn't want to go to a meeting and weigh in today.  I decided to just do it anyway.

I had a loss...2 pounds exactly since I weighed in almost 2 weeks ago.  I was happy with that.  I used to go to meetings first thing in the morning.  I wouldn't eat or drink anything.  Just go potty, get dressed and go.  I'm braver now and I actually went to the noon meeting.  I had tons of water and breakfast in me. :)

It was so good to be in that meeting with that leader again.  The last couple times I had gone to a different meeting like I said in an earlier post.  Last time I was there I felt like those people were whiny. "There's all this food I want to eat and I just can't eat it...It's so hard!"  I loved the meeting today!  I can eat whatever I want...I may not be able to eat as much as I want, but no food is off limits.  The other side of that is if I don't change the way I eat, how can I expect to lose weight?  Every day doesn't have to be a starvation diet, but I can't eat a pint of ice cream every night and wonder why my pants don't fit.

After the meeting I met a friend for lunch.  We were talking about life, summer, kids.  Somehow WW came up.  She had just signed up yesterday for the online version.  She did the program long ago and has been back and forth with it in the past.  We are planning to go to the meeting next week together.  I'm looking forward to that.

So now I've changed my weigh in day from Friday to Thursday but I don't know if I want to change how I structure my week.  I think it's OK to have it wacky for now.  My weekly points allowance won't refresh until tomorrow.  I have time to go to the meeting and assess how the week went and plan for the next week all afternoon.

I was hoping to walk the dog again tonight but it's a roaring thunderstorm out right now.  I think I will just enjoy it and curl up with my book before my husband comes home from work.

ready for a meeting

I'm not really sure why I'm so excited to go to a weekly meeting, but I am.  I had been going to a Friday meeting with a leader I didn't know.  I didn't want to go to my regular meeting with my "regular" leader.  Mostly because I was embarrassed for her to see that yes, I stopped coming and yes, I've gained weight.  You know, 'cuz she thinks about me that much.

Anyway.  I've decided I don't like that day's meeting so I should go back to my usual thing.  I didn't go last week because of the holiday week and all that was going on.  But I am going to a meeting on Thursday.  I'm ready to go now.  I'm not sure why I feel like I need this so much right now.

I think maybe it's because I'm back in the losing mode....loving it, feeling good, seeing losses on my home scale, feeling better in my clothes.  Maybe it's because I want to just talk about weight loss and how much I love what I'm doing.

I'll be back tomorrow with a weigh in report :)

How long has it been?

I really had abandoned this blog long ago.  I stopped going to WW meetings and was just maintaing on my own.  I started counting calories.  I gained some.  Lost it again.

Then I went through a divorce and lost some without even trying.  It was kind of fun weighing what I did in high school again.  But I was worried that I wasn't taking care of myself well.  I started going to WW again for self care.  I like the Points Plus thing a lot.  No points for fruits and veggies?  Oh, yes!

Then I got remarried.  And like lots of newlyweds, we both gained some weight.  Cooking and eating dinner every night was a celebration again.  It was so much fun.  I didn't want to go to WW.  I wanted to be with my husband.  Part of me just didn't care that I was heavier.  I'm 43.  I've had 6 babies.  Whatever.  But my clothes weren't fitting well.  Then my favorite pair of black pants stopped fitting at all.

Not OK.  I thought I could count calories and that would be fine.  But nothing was happening.  Maybe it's because I'm 43 now and things have changed?  I started going to the rec center for yoga classes and doing the elliptical.  Really not my favorite thing.  Then we got a dog.  Cutest dog ever!

Daisy likes to walk in the morning and after dinner.  I thought this will be good.  I don't have to go do the elliptical.  I can walk the dog.  I will lose weight so easily again.

That didn't happen either.  (Though my legs are getting much more toned again.)

So I went back to WW.  And now I remember why I loved it so much.  I eat.  I eat stuff I like.  I really like fruits and vegetables.  It totally works for me.  I've lost 5 pounds in the few weeks since I have been back.

I feel good.  And more than anything, I feel like I am in control of food and eating and all that stuff again.  I decided to start blogging about it again because I need to talk about what I'm experiencing.  I plan to be back soon. :)

helloooooo???

I haven't posted here in so long. I'm trying to figure out eating more traditional foods, and maintaining my weight loss. That part hasn't been much of a problem.

My trouble has been with working nights again (4 eight hour nights/week) and not eating junk to compensate for fatigue. I realize now that was part of my survival mode when all my kids were little. When I started with WW I was well rested and doing OK in that respect. Now? I'm tired. And peanut M&M's just sound like a good idea way too often.

That has added up to gaining 5 pounds again. Once again, I'm not happy with how my jeans fit. I feel that pudge in my belly and hate it. And I really need to tone up this body before swimsuit season rolls around again.

Trying to figure it out. Really wanting to nap.

more updates

I posted on my kitchen blog about why we will continue to eat butter and phase out all artificial sweeteners. You can read that here.

Last night I was talking to my mom about the book I am reading and how it contradicts a lot of what WW stresses. I have thought about that a little since then.

How did I get overweight to begin with? Let's see....there was pints of ice cream on the couch late at night. There were giant gas station muffins eaten nearly every day after breakfast as I drove kids to school. There were lots of trips through the drive through to get food I wasn't even always hungry for. (I must say that being alone in the car was reason to eat for me. Even if it wasn't meal time. It was my reward to eat food ALONE.)

Did eating butter on my vegetables make me fat? I really doubt it with all that up there. Even in the past few months as I gained a little extra weight, I know it came from eating handfuls of cereal out of the box every time I walked by the pantry. Sure it's not froot loops, but it's not rolled oats either.

I did learn a lot of valuable things from my time with WW. If nothing else, I got myself away from those empty foods and eating real foods more of the time. I addressed a lot of my emotional reasons for eating and bingeing. And I'm not saying I'm done there. I had great comments from Clindermuth (I think that was her name) last week on incorporating WW into a more whole foods mentality. That is my plan at this point. By sticking to more traditional foods I will also stay away from the foods that cause me to want to binge. Honestly, a handful of goldfish beckons for more of the same. An apple? Not so much! I will be transitioning our family away from those foods too. I look at them and while they are mostly all at healthy weights, I see them going back for more and more of the same foods that are the least nutritional in our house. I want health for them too, not just lean bodies.

So stay tuned as I try to figure this out. You can either be here to see how we are transformed or simple say I told you so when I weigh 200 pounds again by summer.

the good and the bad

So while I figure out what I will be eating and feeding my family, I need to take a step back and remind myself that even thought I went back to WW two weeks ago, I have been happily maintaining my weight for over a year now. Sure I'd like to lose a little more, but that will happen in it's time.

I have felt like I need to get moving more. What in the non-WW world we call exercise. I am not a super sedentary person. In fact, from about 3 in the afternoon until dinner I don't sit down unless I am driving someone somewhere. I am up and down stairs all day, toting laundry or whatever. But I know I need to just get out there and walk again. I liked the way my body looked when I was doing that consistently. Even when I was still in the 170's, I liked the firmness that comes from regular walking. I decided to focus my energy there for now. I had 3 walks this week. Sunday afternoon, Tuesday afternoon and this morning. That will be my heath goal for now.

The bad for me? You've heard, "you had me at hello?" Rene Zellwegger said it in Jerry McGuire and Kenny Chesney had a song by that titile. And that fact alone is weird to me since they were married for like 8 months or something.

ANY-way!!! For me it started at the food bank yesterday afternoon when the sweet little woman said, "would you like to take a cake?" When I said yes, I knew I would eat much processed sugar and refined white flour before the day was done. Thankfully it was only a quarter of a sheet cake and I gave the kids hefty slices after dinner. Then I proceeded to eat what was left. Honestly I picked at it because it was a lot of gross frosting and dry cake.

But I knew when I agreed to a cake what my response would be at home. I made the choice then and there. Next time I really need to say no to cake!

Yesterday I alluded to what is going on with me here. I was a little more specific in on this blog.

My dear cyber friend left this comment for me yesterday.

"I haven't read it but it does reflect some of what Michael Pollan wrote about in his book. It did occur to me yesterday after seeing the commercial for the Splenda with added fiber that we are now fortifying our chemicals with other chemicals! Like chemicals squared! I think the closer to nature that we eat the better. "


The idea of splenda with fiber is just inherently wrong. Chemically altered chemicals....

It's such a struggle for me right now as I read because I don't believe natural food to be bad for us, but WW tells me that I should be eating low fat and artificially sweetened foods. Foods that don't occur naturally.

Needless to say, I'm not tracking any more. I'm just conflicted. I'm trying to get some things done this morning so I can read a little more.

ignorance is bliss

Do you ever feel that way? But what about when you realize that you need to know the rest of the story to become more complete.

I think I am about to have a huge shift in all that I think about food. Or maybe give some confirmation to what I already know I believe.

Either way, it's freaking me out a little. A lot.

it's 3:30

and I still haven't gotten any activity in. Unless you count grocery shopping with an energetic 3 year old. Or repacking all the Christmas stuff in our house.

But I have to take Trey to his guitar lesson soon. His lesson is in a nice neighborhood and lasts for 30 minutes. So I am off to change into my walking pants which also happen to be magic pants. No sweats for me. Nope those skin tight workout kind of pants that show every little bump. I had them on Saturday morning (after my WW weigh in) and was changing before I ran to a women's church brunch meeting thing. Hubby said, "why'd you change? you looked really cute." He has to say that. He's gotten me pregnant way too many times to not feel a little responsible for the lack of muscle tone in my belly! :o)

I have totally SUCKED at tracking this week. Like I haven't tracked in about 48 hours. I will start again tomorrow. I have done better with water which was another of my goals for this week.

Gotta change!

magic pants

We all know what fat pants are, or fat jeans at least. Those are the ones we wear when we feel big and bloated or just blah.

Yesterday I wore my magic pants. I was feeling big. Feeling bad about my body. But I had to get dressed for church. And now we're at our new church so there's no more jeans and a sweater for church clothes.

So I put on my black pants. For years I wore black pants to church a few times a month. I LOVED those pants. I could wear them in winter with heels and a sweater. I could wear them in summer with a light top and heeled sandals. They always were a great option. But they are a size 16. Last winter I broke down and got a new pair of black pants. These are a size 10. I always feel a little self conscious in these pants. They aren't cut as fully as my old pants. They are much slimmer. They aren't as forgiving of all my body flaws.

But I put them on yesterday with an old sweater (that's a size large and felt so big and roomy!) and looked in the mirror. I saw a thin body. Sure I still have a round butt, but honestly, that will never go away I don't think. I will always have an ample behind. But I saw slim thighs. OK, slimmer thighs. I saw my body how it is instead of the way it was.

It was magic. Instead of feeling bad about my body, I felt good. It's been really hard for me the past week to look at myself and see a slim person. I have just felt BIG. But dressing for church changed that for me yesterday.

I even got out and went for a walk yesterday afternoon. It's been over a year since I was getting regular exercise like that. Bt when I get back into the habit I know I will feel strong again. I will like the shape this body takes. Of course today it's snowing and we're supposed to get like 6 inches. And then another few inches tomorrow. So I won't be walking, but I will do something. I'll let you know!

not sure I like my Momentum

I'm not sure how I feel about WW's new Momentum program. I really miss CORE. I miss being able to just eat and not worry about points. But I am noticing that even though I am eating less, I still feel satisfied. Well most of the time, right now I'm still hungry after lunch.

But that shows me that maybe I was eating because I could. Like, if fruit is a CORE food, then I can eat it, but what if I am not really even hungry? I think that is what I was doing. That and not really counting those WPA's. I mean 63 sounds like a lot, but since I don't have fat free dairy in the house, I'm sure I was using a lot without realizing it.

I am a little frustrated by my scale at the moment. It hasn't moved since my weigh in on Saturday. It went up a little, but now just at the same place. Then again, my "output" seems all messed up too. I've had a salad every day and usually an apple, too. I've eaten beans almost every day, and I'm all irregular. So I feel like if I could "go" I'd feel better...and be lighter. Sorry if that's TMI!!! I did notice before that I didn't go as often when I was eating well. I think there was just less coming in so less had to move out. But I feel icky right now.

See you tomorrow!

one of the reasons I love my daughter

The other day my oldest daughter Aleena (who will be 13 at the end of the month!) saw me writing in my tracker and asked if I had gone back to WW. When I said yes, she said, "Why?" Love that girl!!! I told her I had gained about 5 pounds and she understood that I wanted to lose those 5 pounds again.

I thought it was really sweet that she sees me as a healthy weight. We talk a lot about body image with the kids, especially the girls. I want them to understand that eating 80% healthy food and getting some activity each day keeps your body healthy. We have all shapes and sizes among our children. And they all eat the same foods. Lots of fruits and vegetables, whole grains, adequate protein, occasional treats. Emma is underweight, Clay is overweight, Trey, Jack and Aleena are all about right. Not sure about Kelli. But what matters to me is that they have a healthy view of their bodies.

All that to say, that Aleena, even after going bra shopping together and seeing me in my under's, thinks that my body looks just fine. If my near teen daughter sees it as healthy, shouldn't I?

It's Tuesday, right?

Having one of those days where I'm not sure what day it is anymore. I woke up with an icky tummy. Thankfully D was home this morning for a while so he could make sure Emma got up on time. This is 2 days in a row of not missing the bus. The girl is on a roll, I tell ya!

So after I bragged to you about how I left 1 Reese's cup in the package (which is still in my purse btw!), I have to confess that yesterday I had a moment. I was running out the door to take Clay to his drum lesson. I wanted to just grab my new People magazine and go. (They are always sending me the "get 4 trial issues and then get a subscription if you like it" thing. I get my 4 issues and LOVE them, but have never gotten the subscription even though it's my favorite brainless read!) trey offered me a jalapeno frito. Love them. Thought, "I'll take a couple and then go out the door." I couldn't find my magazine. Every time I went by the table i grabbed a couple more. I counted it as a serving for 3 points. Hate that!!!

I did finally find my magazine!

I have enjoyed being back on plan. I am tracking it all too. I'll check in with you again tomorrow.

quick update

Just wanted to drop by and say that I am dong great with tracking. I don't necessarily enjoy it, but it does keep me accountable. I have used just a few of my WPA's so far and yesterday I had 1 point left at the end of the day. It didn't concern me though because I had done lots of estimating on the salad I had for lunch. I didn't measure my cheese or the crema or the chicken so if I was off a little I had a little room.

Kathy posted yesterday about how many diet plans leave us with an all or nothing approach to food. I know we have all been there. Even in our description of good or bad days or good or bad food choices. That is one thing I hate seeing in my kids and I have really tried to keep myself from that as well. Yesterday when Aleena and I were out getting her some new folders for school, I wanted chocolate. Really badly. I considered splitting something with her, but then decided to get a pack of Reese's peanut butter cups. I know that they have a little protein and a lot of the fat is from the nuts, so I bought them and ate one in the car. I savored that thing, lemme tell ya! And I have the other one in my purse. I will eat it sometime, but I'm not sure when.

That has been one of the greatest lessons I have learned with WW. I can have that favorite treat, but I need to enjoy it and count it as part of my daily food intake. So instead of shoving the whole thing in my mouth like I've done in the past, I took a few bites and really tasted it. And I saved one for later. I can eat that treat again.

How is your new year going? ARe you on a diet (or feeling like you have failed at your diet) or simply trying to live a heathier life?

Momentum

I went back to my regular meeting today. That was interesting. It was interesting in that a few of the same friends were there. One woman who started long after me, but got to goal around the same time. Then she just kept losing and losing. She was still talking about that part of her weight loss. She had gained a little last summer, but...I don't need to bore you with the details. She is just very much the same. She comes with 2 friends who look exactly the same as the last time I went to a meeting in May. hmmmm.

There was the woman who lost 105 pounds. She looks awesome, btw. She is sitting with her friend who is still "just a few pounds from her goal". And there were lots of new (to me) people there as well.

I was pleased that even though I have been away for a very long time, I am just a little over my WW goal range. In fact, I'm only 2.8 pounds from it. Not bad I think. The receptionist who checked me in was pleased that even after being away for so long, I'm really close. Especially after the holidays. It's ironic since I gained this weight last summer. I have happily maintained it for months now. But that's why I went back. I am going to get back down to my personal goal of 152. I know I will just look better in my jeans and feel more confident. Many people won't even notice an 8 pound loss, but it's just for me now.

My leader challenged us to fill a 3 month tracker today. She admitted that in her WW time, both as participant and as leader, she has never filled one. So my goal is to track for the next 3 months. That will help me to stay mindful of what I am eating. And my other goal is to get back to 155 by the end of the month. That means I need to lose 4.8 pounds this month. Totally reasonable I know. Then I will just try to lose my last 3 pounds in the next 2 months. I love that she encourages us to set reasonable and attainable goals. They are so much easier to reach.

I'm going to take a few minutes and read my new materials today. I'm not sure how I feel about the new Momentum plan. I really liked CORE a lot. Then again, I wasn't tracking at all and just keeping a mental note of how much WPA I was using. In some ways, I know it was working since I am up just a little, but I know it's always good to go back to basics. And I've heard there are changes around week 6. Right, TB? So for now, I will do what I know works. I know this works because I have never maintained a weight loss before. I have never lived at a healthy weight. I have learned to find balance in the way I deal with food.

I eat like the skinny girl I am striving to be. At least most of the time.

going back

I've decided that I'm going back to my WW meeting on Saturday. I want to lose 5 pounds. I've wanted to lose 5 pounds since...ummmm....July, maybe? Obviously I'm not very successful without going to the meetings so I am going back. I honestly don't know if I'll stick with that Saturday meeting. I may be able to sneak in a week day meeting now that Kelli is in preschool 2 days a week. And Jack E got a Leapster for Christmas so he could maybe sit quietly for a little while. But for this week I'll go back to the regular thing.

And I'm a little curious about this Momentum thing too.

As a side note, I really haven't gained any weight this season. I had gained some between Halloween and Thanksgiving. And the beginning of December was not looking pretty, but since then I have really leveled off. So I am sitting at around 160 or so. I just would like to be at that 155. Or really 152. And while I am not satisfied where I am, I am also very thankful that I am no longer anywhere near 200 pounds any more. It's really easy to fixate on those 5 pounds and let them destroy me. But 5 pounds does not a fatty make. I went to Goodwill yesterday and was still able to pull on size 10 jeans and size 8 skirts. (Big ol' butts like mine fit better in skirts for some reason!) When I look in the mirror and see what is truly there, I am pleasantly surprised that I am smaller than I think of myself. We were with friends the other day and I wasn't the heaviest woman. That may seem really shallow, but I think there are some of you out there who understand what I mean. I've been the fat friend for a long time. It feels strange to be "regular". Especially when you consider that I am almost 39 and have birthed 6 babies. No one expects me to be a size 2 anymore. Most of my friends are in this same stage of life so not many are super tiny anymore.

But it's strange too, because as fat friends in our group of fat friends, we talk about our weight, what we ate that we shouldn't have, how we feel about our bodies. I know thinner women have those conversations and thoughts, too, but I'm not sure how to go there with them. And since our circle of friends has changed a lot in the past 3 years, many of our friends now don't know me as a size 18, only a 10. How do I be fat friends with them when they don't know I'm a recovering fat girl inside?

I don't mean to be offensive as I talk about all this. When I say "fat" it means so many things. Just as an alcoholic can stop drinking but still have all those crazy behaviors, I know that a lot of times I still act the way I did at 198 pounds. Eating when I'm stressed. Eating in private. Bingeing. Just because I'm smaller now, sometimes, a lot of times, I act like I did when I was big.

I think I could keep blogging about this, but I'll stop for today.

holiday survival

UGH! So I think 4 pies at Thanksgiving was NOT a good idea. There are only 8 people in this house after all. And mama LOVES her desserts.

I got on the scale a week after Thanksgiving and saw 169.8. Granted I was fully clothed and it was the end of the day, but still. I don't weigh that. That is WAY out of my comfort range. I decided then and there that I had to go back to what I knew worked and quickly. I didn't want to track so much. I knew that I was just eating too much of the wrong foods. I wanted to retrain myself to eat the healthy foods I love.

So I decided to eat mostly WW CORE foods. Two days later I was seeing great results and I was feeling better. I know some of that weight gain was just temporary, but when I don't deal with that temporary weight gain, it becomes a permanent fixture. I am happy to say that this morning my scale said 158.8. That's back to where I am comfortable. But I've been thinking that I would like to get to the low 150's again, so I think I will try to stay OP and see if I can make it to my personal goal weight by January.

So how am I doing this in the midst of holiday treats? We had a function Saturday night and an open house to attend last night. I didn't eat much at either. On Saturday I would have eaten more, but things were really picked over. I wanted to have veggies or fruit. Maybe some olives and lean proteins. Most everything was some kind of cheesy or creamy dip. While those are good, I was barely fitting into my pants at the time, so it was a good reminder that each bite needed to really count. I had a few shrimp and some grapes and not a lot else. There was a huge dessert line, too. I looked them over but I decided that I wouldn't have any. It just didn't feel worth it. I had 3 peppermints instead. Oh, and it was a wine party so the wine was flowing. I don't drink much. So I had water. I think that helped a lot too.

Last night was another spread. I didn't get a plate. I didn't sample much. I did chat and look over the spread. I did grab some grapes from the cheese plate and some veggies from their platter but not much. Then again I did eat a Dove ice cream bar after I was home!

I think one of my greatest moments came yesterday afternoon. I was out with Aleena picking up something I needed at Michael's. I saw the boxes of Almond Roca. I thought, "we could buy one and eat it on the way home". Yes, I was thinking we could eat an entire box of Almond Roca on the way home. I even told her that. But then I thought, "Nah, I already know what they taste like." I think that was the key. I knew what I was missing and it wasn't that great.

How many times have I eaten something just because I knew it would taste really good? And I didn't have a little bite, but I ate too much. Like the cheesecake on Saturday night. Like the peanut butter fudge from last night. Sure, it would be really good, but haven't I already had some really good cheesecake and peanut butter fudge? Do I really need to taste it again? Not right now I don't.

day 2

I survived day one back on plan. I did just fine in fact. It was cold and I even had half a grilled cheese and some tomato soup for lunch. I just made really different choices than I had made the past few weeks.

I did dive into the ice cream last night. I put it in a bowl though and didn't just eat out of the carton. Nights really aren't usually a problem for me. I have an audience usually, so I stay out of the snacks then. But last night I was ALONE, and I'd stuck to my DPA all day. So I used some flex points to soothe my soul. Probably not the best choice.

I realized this morning that I start stress eating about 6:40 each morning. The little kids are up. I am trying to get the middle (elementary school) kids up and ready. The big kids (middle schoolers) are being lovely as always. I want to eat handfuls of cereal straight out of the box. And toast with lots and lots of butter. This morning I ate nothing until I was at the grocery store with my 3 year old. The middle kids missed the bus (because one was fighting with the preschooler about how to make instant oatmeal) so I took them to school then dropped Kelli and the neighbor we carpool with at preschool. Jack my 3 year old had his first meltdown of the morning there. Then he had a couple more at the grocery store.

We were 2 meltdowns into the day, and I was standing in front of the day old bakery stuff. I always go there because I can get deals on stuff we use all the time. But I am starving. It's been a bad morning already. I grab a banana nut muffin to eat while we cruise the store.

Not the best choice. But better than a doughnut anyway. I also got fat free cottage cheese that was marked down 50% because the sell by date is tomorrow. That was my snack at home. :o)

So I am learning that I stress eat EARLY in the day. That sets me up for a bad day all around. I think I may boil some eggs that I can grab in the morning when the going gets tough. Protein is a good mood stabilizer, don't you think?

any body seen my wagon?

I feel like I am sooooo far off plan these days. I haven't really been following a plan per se for quite a while, but I was eating well none the less. I would gain a pound or two and take it back off. Staying in a range I felt comfortable with. Then Halloween came.

I did really well not dipping into the candy before hand. And we decided to let the kids indulge as much as they wanted for the weekend. We've never done that before. We've given a few pieces here and there and kept the candy around forever. This time we told them to eat all they wanted on Halloween night and Saturday and we'd throw it all away on Sunday. The kids were ready for "real food" on Saturday night. They'd had their fill.

I followed suit. I had NO candy until they started in on theirs. Then I ate too many. And Saturday morning I had candy for breakfast and snack and lunch and ICK! I had my fill too and am really ready to be done with that, but I have been making poor snack choices since then. Bread and butter instead of fruit and veggies. Mindlessly eating out of the cereal box. It doesn't matter that it's corn flakes. Half a box is half a box!

So today I am finding my way back to my WW ways. I don't want to track. I don't want to follow all the rules, but I know I need to for a while. I'll feel better and I'll be in a good place going into the holidays instead of feeling out of control.

I'll be back to let you know how I'm doing.